Why do i hate my dad?
The story
Well, I'm back home for the holidays and it's just like old times where I realize why I find it increasingly difficult to be around my dad. This weird tension just builds up whenever we're in the same room and I can't help but wonder how things got this way. When I was a kid, he was always this larger-than-life figure who seemed to have all the answers and I remember looking up to him with almost blind admiration. But now that I'm older and away in college, coming back is like stepping into a battlefield where everything feels intense without any explosions.
I think one of the reasons this happens is because we never really talk about anything meaningful. Whenever I'm back, it's always superficial stuff like 'How's school?' or 'Have you eaten?', but then there are those awkward silences that hang between us. Like last night, right after dinner when we were sitting in the living room (he was watching TV and I was just there on my phone) and neither of us spoke a word. It felt as though every unspoken disappointment between us could fill the room and yet we chose silence instead.
There's also this thing where he treats me like I'm still a little kid who knows nothing about life. It's frustrating! From telling me how to dress even though I've been doing just fine on my own for years now, or advising me on career choices as if I've not thought through these things carefully myself already... Maybe he's genuinely trying to help in his own way but sometimes it feels more like criticism than support.
Over time these small annoyances have piled up into something big enough that makes our interactions uncomfortable. Another example would be when he tries too hard to relate by bringing up stuff from when he was young which isn't relevant anymore at all! It's pretty disheartening seeing someone who you used to think knew everything seem out-of-touch with reality nowadays... What happened? Why do I feel disappointed?
I'm always polite during all this though (it's drilled into me). He means well despite how much irritation it brings out inside me every visit home; maybe deep down part of me wishes things could go back somehow? Who knows? All l can see right now is an ever-present barrier growing stronger each holiday season spent together...
Stories in the same category
Points of view
have you tried talking directly? maybe there's something missing.
I guess that's the problem, right? We never really have those direct conversations. It's like we're stuck in this superficial loop and I don't know how to break it. Maybe I should try initiating something deeper, but honestly, it's a bit intimidating.
man, that sounds rough but i guess part of growing up is seeing our parents as people with flaws too. i get how it feels when they still treat you like a kiddo though, super annoying! maybe if you initiate convo about stuff you're into or what you've been up to at college, it could kinda break the ice; it's possible your dad just isn't sure how to connect anymore and defaults to what he knows. hopefully it'll spark more meaningful chats eventually 🤞
Yeah, you're right about that. It does make sense that he's probably just defaulting to what he knows. I never thought of initiating a more meaningful convo myself, maybe that's the push we need. Thanks for the suggestion!
I understand your frustration but sometimes parents show love in their own ways. Even if it doesn't seem helpful immediately they might think they're guiding you based on their experiences.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like when you grow up and start seeing your parents as flawed humans instead of these invincible idols, the disconnect feels huge. My dad acts like that too; it's as if he's stuck in this time loop where I’m still in diapers. But hey, don't beat yourself up about it... these changes are part of growing older and clashing can happen to anyone. Keep trying to bridge the gap with meaningful conversations, it might help lessen that awkwardness over time! 🤞
Totally! It's like this weird shift in dynamics. We just see their human side more, I guess? I'll try finding ways to break that silence. Thanks for understanding!
i know what ur saying! my mom does similar stuff whenever i visit.. she keeps telling stories from yrs ago thinking it'll make us closer lol
Yeah lol shared nostalgia can be kinda fun!
totally get where you're coming from; it can be tough when family conversations don't go deeper than surface level.
Sounds like classic "parents just don't understand", huh? But hey, not every dad turns into a guru once you hit adulthood lol. Where do they get off thinking we still need coaching on life's basics? Seriously though, it might help to break through one of those awkward silences and say something real; you've got nothing to lose 🧐. Ever tried flipping the convo by asking about his world now, or is he stuck in nostalgia land?
man, i totally get where you're coming from, but it feels like maybe letting all this pile up without addressing it isn't exactly helping either; my dad and i have got our fair share of awkward silences too and once when things hit the fan, i finally called him out during one of those tension-filled moments.
It's tough when the dynamics shift like that. It's almost like a role reversal, huh? You go from looking up to them like they have all the answers, and suddenly you're the one who feels more in tune with what's happening. I totally get why you're frustrated over being treated like a kid again! Maybe finding some common ground could help ease that tension. Sometimes even shared activities can speak louder than words, you know?
That's a good point. Maybe I'll try suggesting we do something together, see if that helps. It's hard to break the silence sometimes, though.
totally get it!! everytime i go home my dad also acts like i'm still 15 or something.. he checks everything i do as if i'm supposed not able take care myself already haha.. once asked why wasn't following exactly what he said few months ago about making friends... yeah sure bc that's easy when ur busy studying & workin part-time job! seriously tho these moments are tiring after awhile...
even when try explaining calmly sometimes feels falling deaf ears bc guess dads believe they've gotten formulae down pat growing children thru life's hurdles? Well newsflash things changed quite bit since THEIR time..! 😂
Exactly! It's so tiring. It's like they can't let go of seeing us as clueless kids. We change, but their advice is stuck in a time loop or something... and it just makes everything feel off.
Wow, sounds like you're navigating the treacherous waters of family dynamics there; 😏. While it seems overwhelming, possibly viewing these visits as opportunities to understand your dad’s context might be beneficial. He might have gone through similar challenges and honestly, everyone gets a bit outdated sometimes. Viewing him with curiosity rather than frustration might help break down those barriers slowly!
Good point, curiosity instead of frustration might be a healthier approach, but I've got to say, it feels like I'm trying to solve a really old jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces that don't fit anymore. Guess that's worth a shot though!
sounds familiar bt u havta remembr hes probly tryin his best!
'Trying' doesn’t fix everthing 😒
life changes fast dont blame ur dad completely communication goes both ways ya know
yeah dude totally agree with being treated like a kid...my pops does that too near holidays making random remarks bout past childhood memories lol never fails confuse everyone else youngish adults visiting family gathering...guess part package dealing w aging parental units huh??
had similar run-in last thanksgiving dinner table chat set off exchange where ended comparing lives today vs decades ago cue eyerolling illustrating fail connecting effectively generations often face 😅
I hear you, it always feels a bit like stepping into an awkward time machine going back. Those comparisons can be so frustrating; it's like they can't bridge that generational gap sometimes. I guess all we can do is smile through the confusion.
's understandable bt keep open mind consider alternatves maybe?