Well, I'm back home for the holidays and it's just like old times where I realize why I find it increasingly difficult to be around my dad. This weird tension just builds up whenever we're in the same room and I can't help but wonder how things got this way. When I was a kid, he was always this larger-than-life figure who seemed to have all the answers and I remember looking up to him with almost blind admiration. But now that I'm older and away in college, coming back is like stepping into a battlefield where everything feels intense without any explosions.

I think one of the reasons this happens is because we never really talk about anything meaningful. Whenever I'm back, it's always superficial stuff like 'How's school?' or 'Have you eaten?', but then there are those awkward silences that hang between us. Like last night, right after dinner when we were sitting in the living room (he was watching TV and I was just there on my phone) and neither of us spoke a word. It felt as though every unspoken disappointment between us could fill the room and yet we chose silence instead.

There's also this thing where he treats me like I'm still a little kid who knows nothing about life. It's frustrating! From telling me how to dress even though I've been doing just fine on my own for years now, or advising me on career choices as if I've not thought through these things carefully myself already... Maybe he's genuinely trying to help in his own way but sometimes it feels more like criticism than support.

Over time these small annoyances have piled up into something big enough that makes our interactions uncomfortable. Another example would be when he tries too hard to relate by bringing up stuff from when he was young which isn't relevant anymore at all! It's pretty disheartening seeing someone who you used to think knew everything seem out-of-touch with reality nowadays... What happened? Why do I feel disappointed?

I'm always polite during all this though (it's drilled into me). He means well despite how much irritation it brings out inside me every visit home; maybe deep down part of me wishes things could go back somehow? Who knows? All l can see right now is an ever-present barrier growing stronger each holiday season spent together...

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