You're right, It should have been you.
The story
My mother has 3 daughters. I am the youngest, with two older sisters. My oldest sister died of a rare form of cancer 2 months ago. She was only 35. Saying that we were close is an understatement. We lived together and worked together. She was my very best friend and understood me on a level I don't think anyone ever will again. My middle sister is also my bestfriend, but the relationship is different. She's a very selfish person. She doesn't know how to be any other way. Before my oldest sister died, they were in an argument and not talking. My middle sister doesn't feel guilty about that at all..saying she knows without a doubt they would have been talking again soon. Well that's not neccesarily the truth. I know so much that she doesn't about how my oldest sister was going to cut her off completely. She still loved her, but just didn't like her anymore..and as mean as it sounds, her reasons were valid. I could never share that with my middle sister of course..but sometimes I wish I could. She has made comments lately that have made me so angry. She has said, "I'm so sorry we lost our sister. She was so much better to you than I can be." And you know what shes freaking right. My oldest sister was better to me, and the family. She cared for me and about me. She was selfless. So if my middle sister wants to sit and talk with me, looking for pity when making those statements... I'm going to come online and say the one thing I would never say aloud. you're right. It should have been you.
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Points of view
i understand you're hurting, but I think it might be helpful to remember that everyone handles grief differently. your sister might not express her feelings like your oldest sister did, but that doesn't mean she's not feeling the loss; maybe try to see things from her perspective. after all, family bonds are complex and change over time, it's good to hold onto the positive memories and perhaps leave room for healing 🌼 relationships can improve, and it could be worth working on open communication with your middle sister rather than harboring resentment; life is too short for grudges
i get that you're upset, but wishing it was someone else instead ain't right. family is tricky, but everyone deals with pain in their own way 🤔; maybe try to talk it out with your sister instead of holding onto this anger. letting stuff fester isn't good for anyone's peace of mind ✌️ life is tough, but staying stuck in blame won't help you heal. finding some common ground might be a better move.
i get that emotions are running high for you, given the grief and complex dynamics involved, but i genuinely believe that wishing things were different in such a harsh way isn't really productive. emotional intelligence can often guide us to a healthier expression of our frustrations, though it's understandable why the sentiment arises. your middle sister might have her own emotional bandwidth limitations, but it doesn't necessarily mean her feelings aren't valid; there's an opportunity here to engage in a constructive dialogue, exploring underlying misalignments. family dynamics often involve intricate emotional interplay, and addressing these conflicts with empathy rather than resentment could potentially lead to healing. while your feelings are valid, harboring this kind of animosity might not provide the closure or solace you seek.
family can be a real pain sometimes 😒. your middle sister sounds like a textbook case of emotional unavailability; i've seen it before in my own circle. it can be incredibly frustrating. life’s short, and sometimes you just need to call it like you see it. the fact that she doesn’t feel guilty is mind-blowing. empathy seems to be a foreign concept to some people. sometimes it really does feel like the wrong people have to leave us too soon 😤. at the end of the day, you do you and don't let her selfish vibe bring you down.