I don't know, I don't like it when people ask about my life or what I do. It bothers me; they feel like they're meddling in very important matters, and I don't want them to. They should stick to what I can offer and stop there; I'm not obligated to explain anything. I feel like sometimes I have to, just like I have to share something in that other conversation, for no other reason than to prevent future problems. This contradiction happened to me recently, when I got chatty, giving details about my life thanks to questions—of course, all well-founded, fortunately. I feel like I did what my best friend at work does: she talks to others in a delicate way in front of me, with complete consideration for me, so I don't feel excluded, and without including herself in any group. It's something I deeply appreciate, that she doesn't want to leave but wants us to be together. Now, the question is, what has become of her? I don't know anything about her, even though we're in the same office. She's blocked me everywhere, even though we were friends, and now she's wondering where she is. This time when the office wasn't operating, at least not regularly, could have been a chance for us to go out, do things together, enjoy different things. I don't think my personal life is so dull that I can't fill that void, but that's just my assumption, and I can't open the group chat to ask her about it because of work. I also can't ask my boss to help me out.

Wow, with these people I encountered, and with whom I say I laid myself bare, the feeling of that vulnerability is somewhat uncomfortable, but it has its pleasant touch because it feels liberating. At the same time, it abruptly pulls you out of that solitude, the kind you enjoy being in. And indeed, I have to admit, it felt somewhat overwhelming. However, I think that was essentially because of what my relationship with it entailed, which had become rather heavy, rather complex, because I was dealing with things I was used to, things I couldn't distance myself from, because it wasn't necessary. But now I am, in order to truly see these people who I see have an extraordinary familiarity with what my boss and the young woman have been. I'm tired of writing so much, but this also helps me stay prepared for the upcoming meeting they announced, which is practically a mandatory gathering. It really does abruptly pull one out of a period where one had become accustomed to a certain way of life. They're annoying, and the boss is constantly putting pressure on me.

I don't feel like I need people right now; I'm not interested in them. I like my solitude as long as I can enjoy it. The thing is, it also requires a certain stability, and working under irregular conditions doesn't provide that. So, it's a balancing act between this pleasant solitude—perhaps extreme, but only due to cultural factors—and, at the same time, between the work itself and its social implications. I'm tired of operating according to the job because it's an overwhelming demand, a real burden. I have to be constantly on guard so no one catches me off guard, maintain relationships, and do my job in a way that no one can complain. It's a lot of things that make me feel that the best thing that could have happened—with all due respect to the unfortunate implications—was the tragedy in my country. That tragedy was a miracle for me because it allowed me to be exempt from work, to break free from those chains. I had been needing a break for some time, partly due to events that had occurred there, such as my moving in with my friend and my group, and my boss's departure, along with the group itself, and the continuation of the same old work routine. I was overwhelmed by what had happened and had been carrying it for a while, so this sudden vacation was a welcome relief.

I won't deny that I'd like to enjoy being with the people I met, but right now I need to embrace my solitude, to be with my thoughts and the ideas that come from them, to disconnect from all social interaction as much as possible. Thank you so much for everything, I'm very grateful, but it's time for me to move on with my life, to focus on my own things. I mean, I've already built the life I want, and I can't go any further right now. I have to look after what I've built, and it was hard work, and I can't abandon it. That's not my style. I'm the type to persevere for what I've accomplished, and it was very well done. With the young woman, I have a relationship where shyness, but not in a limiting way, is allowed—a bit of communication, even hugs. And with my boss, I've finally managed to keep things strictly professional, without him taking things any further. Basically, I'm living the life I want, and I really can't take on any more. I need this break. I'm not interested in any other relationships.

I'm completely exhausted from dealing with relationships. I don't want any more. I don't want to be involved with even one more, taking exams, or studying, because the ones I already have completely absorb me, and I don't like it. I feel like I understand a girl I knew a while ago who was in a similar situation. In fact, what happened with my best friend was the reverse of me towards her. Ironically, with this girl, who isn't my best friend, I ended up in a pleasant, everyday relationship, with me in control of the reactions, while my best friend was always in control. This girl somehow became entangled in a relationship she had, where she was controlled by someone, someone she had to answer to, and all that. It's similar to what I went through with my boss, which simply consisted of being there for work. I'm sure the girl was just there to serve that relationship, because with me, that kind of thing completely disappeared. Well, actually, she doesn't speak to me anymore, but it's not a total impasse. In my opinion, now that I think about it, it was the other way around: I have the same kind of relationship with my best friend that she has with her boyfriend, and I have the same kind of relationship with my boss that she has with me. However, thinking about it now, I think that's silly; it's the other combination.

One thing that led me to do what my best friend did, to put us in a group, was wanting to know what that girl, who isn't my best friend, felt. I feel like that's what motivated me. Also, I felt trapped by my boss, who was pushing me further whenever he could, taking advantage of my image, which I could have built by defending my principles elsewhere. However, I always managed to defend myself. He planned to sow doubt in me, to keep me at his mercy; that was his plan, his lust for power. But I didn't allow it. Instead, with my best friend's help, I managed to completely shatter his image, to the point where work is now the only thing on my mind. I think that's what the girl would have wanted with a relationship, or at least something purely casual, and instead, with me, she's someone to answer to, of course, under a convenient arrangement for both of us. But the truth is, she only sees me as the one who wanted to support her and didn't abandon her, and still hasn't, and who's there for her whenever she needs him. That's definitely not the story that happened to me, because I did something. I knew how to move all the pieces to get rid of my boss. She couldn't do that. I wasn't going to stay at his mercy, definitely not. He wasn't going to have me, especially not with someone who was always running from everything and doing whatever he wanted. And boy, was he constantly trying to fit in somehow, all to maintain his image, because anything he did outside could call into question his ability to make choices. Now I see why I left him, and anyone in my shoes would have done the same.

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