Again, alone.
The story
I feel a little annoyed. I have nothing to do. I'm on vacation. Tomorrow should be a day I plan to go to work, but vacation takes me out of my routine. It's not something I enjoy. I loved being there at work. I felt like they were forcing my mind to focus on something else. Without work, I feel like my days will be the same, that I won't face anything new. Being alone in my house fills me.
The solitude of my house is overwhelming. I don't feel like reading or writing anything, even though I have that hobby, because I'm flooded with ideas. It's not a question of therapy, which has me very disappointed. I haven't been lucky enough to find a good therapist either. It saddens me not to have relationships that go beyond work.
There are two girls I interact with. Work is the only place where I have relationships because on the outside, they're barely a one-off contact, even though there are intentions from beyond. These girls only interact within the workplace, and the approaches that are appropriate for such events always involve the fear of losing out on a matter beyond the workplace.
I feel very sad. I have no one to talk to. I won't talk to my coworker or my boss, with whom I felt that supportive company. I enjoyed their games, their considerations, and those scoldings that reinforced order. I felt protected by this, as well as by higher-ranking authorities, who I feel respect me in a loving way. When I'm at home, it's just me.
My father may be there, who is the only person I count on, but I have to admit that nothing is the same for him. I barely see him once a week, and it's only to maintain the relationship as a means of supporting me with income. It's something I feel hypocritical about, although lately I've tried to keep contact brief so as not to raise as many hopes as possible for a future beyond such encounters, for a closeness that could pave the way for us together. These meetings, precisely, allow us to emphasize that everyone is on their own, as long as the economic issue is present, since otherwise it will become a struggle in which there will be attempts to disrupt each other's routine, just as meetings would be more numerous each week.
Frankly, I loved being at work. Now, my only friends these days are my walks, the television, and access to the internet, nothing more, where no one speaks to me knowing it's me, but instead I rejoice in more knowledge, which, for the one I have, is already overwhelming due to the fact that it creates a distance from others, which has long since tired me out. I have to admit that distancing myself from my reflections has given me the benefit of being more in touch with others, due to the fact that I don't sophisticate my language. However, I feel this has been a betrayal on my part, since I truly enjoy such a matter.

Stories in the same category
Points of view
man, i feel you, but i think you might be overthinking this a bit; like, vacations are supposed to be a break for a reason. i get that it's hard being away from work when it's your comfort zone; i mean, i've been there too, feeling lost during a break. sometimes it's just about finding balance and maybe trying out new things to fill the time, even though nothing really feels the same as your usual routine. 😞 have you tried exploring any hobbies that don't require much mental effort? i find that sometimes doing something slightly mindless can help clear my head, although i know it's not always easy to muster the motivation. talking about relationships beyond work, it can be tough, but maybe it's about taking tiny steps outside the comfort bubble, finding who resonates with you. not saying it'll fix everything, but it's a start!
wow, i totally get where you’re coming from. it’s rough when vacation feels more like a disruption than a break. 🏠 work really can be like a social safety net where everything makes sense. downtime can feel daunting without that routine. honestly, it’s a tough balance; finding that middle ground where you can enjoy solitude without feeling lonely is no easy feat. hope you find some activities or connections that make being away from work feel a bit less isolating. 😊 it’s all about small steps, right?