I have a longstanding friendship with Jill, stretching back over two decades, and we're part of a larger circle of friends, about 15-20 strong. We've developed a tradition where different members of our group take turns hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for those of us remaining in town each year. Ever since Jill adopted a vegan lifestyle a decade ago, our group has made it a point to include vegan options, like tofurkey, alongside one side dish and one dessert specifically for her at these gatherings.

This year, however, brought a new twist. Jill excitedly volunteered to host Thanksgiving at her house for the first time. Initially, we were all supportive, but then she announced in our group chat that the entire meal would be strictly vegan. Some of us, respectful of her choices but still wanting traditional elements like turkey, suggested bringing non-vegan dishes. Jill was adamant, countering with claims that vegan food “tastes exactly the same” as non-vegan food. I beg to differ, based on past experiences at her house where I’ve tried various dishes, from bean burgers to a type of vegan chocolate cake, which she claimed were indistinguishable from their traditional counterparts.

After some thought and a discussion with my husband, we decided to respectfully decline her invitation. I was honest with her about our preference for a traditional Thanksgiving meal, expressing no desire for deceit such as feigning out-of-town travel plans. Since our conversation, Jill’s demeanor has shifted noticeably; she's become increasingly irritated. She even lamented to other friends that I was boycotting her dinner purely because she was hosting.

This sentiment isn't entirely inaccurate but didn't sit right with me, so I clarified to the others that despite our efforts over the years to accommodate her dietary choices, it felt unjust for her to demand that everyone conform to her vegan diet at this event. This sparked a shift in group dynamics, as several friends then aligned with my perspective and opted to organize an alternative Thanksgiving gathering, which my husband and I also decided to skip.

Admittedly, my husband believes it might have been wiser to fabricate a small white lie or avoid sharing the full extent of my reasoning with the other women. For now, I’ve chosen to distance myself from the ensuing drama, though Jill seems to hold me responsible for the unraveling of her plans.

If one were to frame this as an episode in a reality TV show, the drama and tension might have made for sensational viewing, playing up the clash between lifestyle choices and personal friendships. With cameras rolling, audiences would be drawn into the back-and-forth, perhaps even taking sides based on personal dietary beliefs or their views on respecting others' choices. The dynamic would add an interesting layer of public opinion to the mix, influencing whose actions are perceived as justifiable or inconsiderate.

I can't help but wonder, am I wrong for turning down a vegan Thanksgiving?

Was declining the vegan Thanksgiving invite reasonable?

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