Feel so unlovable
The story
my best friend and I naturally drifted when we went to different universities. I love her sm, and we once thought we liked each other? dated for maybe a week before realising our feelings were platonic. she got a boyfriend now, and I'm happy for her but it also stings to no longer be her closest person, like she is to me.
also makes me feel so jealous. I'm so ugly and no one has ever shown romantic interest in me. I want a partner so bad, but it feels like nobody wants me. and I understand that without working on myself, a partner won't heal me, but it wouldn't kill for someone to make me feel loved :(
my group of friends has me, my bestie, one couple and another person who's across the country still studying. without telling us, my bestie, her bf and the couple planned a double date in London (I don't study in London, they do).
when I heard, a few weeks ago, I was kinda confused and wondered if I could join. my bestie said 'ofc!!' so I thought nothing of it. then she only asks me day of (yesterday), early in the morning when she knows I'm never awake if I wanted to join. she said she wasn't sure if I was back in London, but I told her on Sunday that I was. I didn't see her message til 12, by that point it's too late, so I declined.
I guess I also didn't want to intrude. they made plans without me, but I really wasn't sure if it was because of the double date aspect, or if she really forgot I would be in London. and I responded in a way that wouldn't make her feel bad.
I put our conversation below to show.
I guess I left it at that, I tried not to think about it so it wouldn't bother me. then today, I saw their tiktoks and posts together and I just started bawling. I feel so unloved, like I'm so insecure. I know it wasn't on purpose but I've never felt left out with my group, and now I do. like I know it was a double date but like, we r a group?? why would it have been so bad to invite me?
it's already been a shitty day, with me remembering how terrible my childhood was. I was constantly bullied for my weight, and my looks, and even when I became anorexic and became underweight, nobody seemed to be attracted to me. I think a lot of this is just stemming from my own insecurities but I've been feeling this way for a long time that I've sjust been stuck in it.
I don't hold it against them, I'm just so deep in self hatred since childhood that I'm taking this so personally and idk what to do. :((( it just feels like this safe group of people, the ones that never made me feel insecure, is slowly breaking due to distance and other relationships. and it hurts, it hurts to see everyone around you find someone, and yet nobody has ever expressed attraction to you. it hurts so bad. I really just hate myself so much.
sorry it's so long.
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Points of view
Hey there, it's really tough feeling left out, especially when you see everyone else in your group moving on with their lives while you're still stuck;😔 It makes sense to feel hurt when this safe space feels like it's changing. Don't be too hard on yourself—self-love takes time and the right people will come along eventually. Be kind to yourself 😊
I hear you, and I feel like those situations could hit hard; it sucks to feel left out of your own circle, especially when you've always felt a special bond with them. I know it’s tough seeing them do their thing without you, but relationships naturally change over time; maybe this is just a phase you all need to adjust into. You're definitely not alone in feeling that way, though—it might help to talk openly about how you're feeling with your bestie; sometimes just getting those feelings out there can bring a surprising amount of relief. Keep your head up!
man, I totally get why you're feeling bummed out; finding yourself on the outside looking in when your crew's doing stuff without you is rough. it’s okay to have these feelings, and just remember that your value isn't tied to someone else's attention or status; there's so much more going on for you than what's happening right now. try to focus a bit on what makes you happy and keeps you grounded—those things that are uniquely yours will bring comfort even when connections feel shaky.; keep pushing through!