Hi everyone, so this is my first time venting here and I don't know if anyone will read this but i have to tell someone.

(sorry if there are any typos or if my english is bad)

So basically I have this online friend who I have been friends with since 2024 (Marking 2 years this month), let's just call him E. He actually asked me to be moots on tiktok because he liked my videos and we were in the same fandom, so of course I said yes (which was a rare moment as I usually never befriended strangers) and we would text each other everday. He referred to me as his longest IBF everytime and so did I. But in 2025 in february we joined a discord server, that our mutual friend (let's call him SLT) introduced us to. Everything was fine and we met some new people. E and I were still very close and talked a lot. But then at some point in late August I was absent for a month till september, because i just did not feel well mentally. In that time, I would sometimes be on discord, but just not say anything. In all that time when I was gone, E never asked if I was okay or if I'm even still alive (I told him a lot about me in the past). E got closer to someone else who I will refer to as D (Who is in the same server btw). E and D texted each other everyday and even had a whole ass streak on tiktok, something E never had with me. E even wrote in his social media bios: "D is such a cool person" like he never said that about me. They played together, talked endlessly. It doesn't bother me of course, if my friends have other friends, but what DOES bother me is that he NEVER, not even once checked up on me and then calls himself my "best friend" If he can't even check up on me, while I'm gone, then what does this say about our friendship? So I was pissed, when I returned and we had fight where he unfollowed me everywhere at some point, but we made up because guilt was starting to eat on me fast and it affected my daily life and concentration at school. When we made up, he said that he didn't block me, because he still wanted me as his friend and to be honest: I get it, I love this idiot so much and he is the bestest and longest online friend I had as well. People in the server we're in even shipped our OC's but after my absent suddenly E and D shipped their OC's together. It annoys me how E started talking to me less and less and he was always like: "I just don't know what to say" Oh but you know what to say when you're with D? D and I are friends too but I lowkey hate him and I hate E too but I don't at the same time. I told E multiple times how I feel but he doesn't really understand it or ignores it. I told him: "If you don't want to be friends anymore it's okay, because not all friendship's hold forever" and he was like: "No, I do wanna stay your friend, I value our friendship alot" that made me SO mad and I asked him why he doesn't talk to me, then unless i talk first, which he just replied with: "idk what to say" like bro just shut the hell up. The fact that this bothers me so much is insane, I find myself getting angry and my mood turns bad to the point where i am mad at people in real life and let my anger out on them. I am actually scared to block E nor do I have the balls to leave the Discord server we're in. I have other friends there but the host (Who i am friends with too) is also friends with me and he will for sure ask why I left. So I don't know what to do because I hate E but I also don't, it just hurts because he does NOT value our friendship like he said he does. A simple "Are you okay?" would've been okay but instead I got replaced. Someone else who I call S, checked up on me despite the fact that he and I aren't even that close. I saw it the moment I deciced to return.

I don't know if anyone can help me but at least I got this heavy burden off my chest, it's been bothering me for months and It makes me sick.

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