I want to help my friend with DID but I don't know how to.
The story
A good friend of mine has DID (dissociative identity disorder). We've known eachother for about two months... and we hit it off, with a fight. Even though we've moved past that, it honestly feels like they're better off with nobody, at this point. I don't say this because I wish on their downfall--just that, I'm not any better than their past relations. I might be an improvement, but I'm not what they're looking for. I don't want them to suffer with someone who can't understand them completely, as only another system can fully comprehend what they're saying. No matter how many documents I make, how many terms I know, I won't ever truly be able to soothe their ache without having been in their skin for one day.
I've always kind of been the therapist friend, knowing just what to say to calm down a person from their crisis. I've noticed I can't quite ''handle'' neurodivergent people, and I want to change that. I want to learn, I want to be a person they can trust, a help in their life. I don't want to be a dead weight like most neurotypicals are. It genuinely hurts me every time I mess something up, every time I'm oblivious to their cries of help, every time their doubt doesn't get through my thick skull. I want to understand, to fix things about my behaviour, to stop being so sensitive over every mistake (Not to make this about me, but sometimes I do cry myself to sleep).
I wish I could ask them, but I can't. I genuinely cannot. I've got my own issues--feeling inadequate, emotional, temperamental... but I want to be atleast a little bit better for them. If anyone has any advice, I welcome it with open arms.
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Points of view
It's difficult to be in a situation where you feel like you can't fully support someone you care about. On one hand, it's great that you're self-aware and want to improve your understanding of their needs. But on the other hand, perhaps by constantly doubting yourself, you're not giving yourself enough credit for the positive impact you might already have. Even if you can't completely understand their experiences, just being there and offering genuine friendship can mean a lot.
man, it's rough when you feel like you're just not cutting it for someone you genuinely care about. and yeah, DID is no joke, takes a lot to wrap your head around that. it's cool that you're willing to put in the effort to learn more and be there for them, though! honestly, they might appreciate any baby steps you’re taking more than you think. no one's asking for perfection here; sometimes just showing up counts for something huge!!! so maybe don't beat yourself up too much? everyone has their own issues... we're all just muddling through trying not to screw things up too bad 😂