Moral perfectionism
The story
I feel like a terrible person. I talk about my emotions and feelings so loosely all the time but when I got upset by his actions and words I couldn’t help but feel terrible. As a friend im supposed to support him as much as I can but what if that’s too much? I don’t want him to hurt himself anymore. He phrased his pain as something completely normal and tried to tell me how funny it is. Instead of laughing along with his message, I leave the chat. Why am I so affected by other peoples actions and pain. I let time pass, acting normal as if my head isn’t spinning from how awful I feel that i didn’t support him. Then I spend the night at his house. We have a completely fun and normal day until the middle of the night. We are laying there in the dark when he asks about that day. That day where instead of comforting him after the things he did to himself, I just left. I am a very honest girl and he is my best friend so I tell the full truth. I tell him that in that moment I didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop hurting himself because it was hurting me. I feel such big emotions all the time but I should be helping him instead of only thinking of myself. As I tell him everything, how I cried and felt so much guilt, I hear him say something that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. “You are going to be the first friend to see me cry.” Those words echo in my mind all the time now. Since the lights were off I could see the tears falling down his face. I couldn’t help but hug him and comfort him as I try not to cry loud that he would hear me. For a while after that I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. “You made him cry because of your emotions. You are a terrible person.” Today these thoughts have lessened but they are still there in the back of my mind. Recently he told me that he wasn’t crying because he felt alone in that situation, but that he was grateful that I cared about him and upset at the fact that I was that impacted by his words. I know I am a good person, but something in me says otherwise. I am constantly reminded of that night and I can’t help the way my mind perceives the way I am as a person. I feel like a terrible person.
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Points of view
oh man, i totally get how you feel, it's like the emotional labor we invest in friendships can sometimes be overwhelming....
Emotions are such complex constructs, aren't they?? It sounds like you're being incredibly hard on yourself for feeling deeply, but “the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance,” as Alan Watts said! By sharing your truth with him, you've shown immense courage and empathy!! Remember that it's okay to have big feelings and that recognizing them is part of understanding ourselves better.
hey, i think you're being way too hard on yourself here. it's totally normal to feel conflicting emotions when someone we care about is going through rough times. you've shown a lot of vulnerability and honesty by opening up to your friend, and honestly, that's something not everyone has the courage to do. relationships are definitely a two-way street, but it's important to remember that you also need to take care of your own emotional health. it seems like your friend really values your support and appreciates you for who you are—it's clear he sees how much you care! maybe try focusing on the positive steps you've both taken together instead of dwelling on feelings of guilt. 😊
it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by situations like this, especially when you deeply care about someone. it’s important to remember that being there for your friend doesn’t mean you have to disregard your own feelings. sometimes people joke about their pain as a coping mechanism, but it's tough on the ones who love them because it blurs the lines between what's serious and what's not. in my own experience, expressing that i needed time to process while still offering support helped both me and my friend. you've already shown how much he means to you, and maybe those thoughts in the back of your mind are just reminders of how empathetic and caring you truly are. it's clear from what you've shared that you're far from a terrible person—you're just human. 😊
hey, don't be so hard on yourself!!! it sounds like you have a huge heart and care deeply about your friend; sometimes when we care too much, things get tangled up in our heads. being there for someone while also protecting your own feelings can be tough balance to strike. what’s amazing though is how open and honest you were with him—that takes real courage. remember that you're only human, feeling big emotions doesn't make you terrible—it makes you real ❤️ just keep being the supportive friend you are, and give yourself some grace too!
Honestly, it's like that old saying "you can't pour from an empty cup"—supporting your friend doesn't mean sacrificing your own mental health and if he truly values the friendship, he'll understand that you have your limits too.
If ya think about it, you're just human and sometimes you gotta put yourself first!
Dude, you're being way too hard on yourself; it's like you're punishing yourself for being human. You showed up for him, even when it was tough. That's what real friendship is about. It's natural to have those big feelings and sometimes it's messy, but that's part of the deal in any deep connection. You're learning and growing through this, which makes you an awesome friend and a better person in the long run ✌️
You seem to be drowning in your own emotional turmoil while trying to navigate someone else's pain, which is quite difficult. 😒 Don't beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed—it's not your job to bear the weight of his struggles alone. You can only offer support within your limits, and recognizing those boundaries is crucial for both you and him.
Honestly, maybe it's time to reconsider how you're handling this friendship. Supporting him is great, but if his pain is becoming a burden on your mental health, you gotta step back and reassess. Remember that everyone has boundaries—even in friendships!!
Man, you need to chill a bit. You’re not a terrible person for having feelings. Ever thought maybe your emotions are actually helping him realize he's not alone? People often act like they're okay when they really aren't, and sometimes it takes someone like you to shake them up and show you're there with real care. Keep showing up for your friend but don’t forget—you gotta have your own back too!
it's clear you're navigating a complex web of emotions here, and it's totally understandable. i think your story highlights something many people don't realize: being there for someone doesn't mean always having the right thing to say or do. sometimes it's just about being present and honest, which you were. ⭐️ i had a similar situation with a friend who was going through a rough patch, and honestly, it wasn't easy recognizing that my support alone couldn't 'fix' things. what's important is that both your intentions are coming from a good place—you care about him and he knows it. embracing these moments as opportunities for growth can help strengthen your bond in the long run. keep trusting yourself!
navigating the waters of friendship can be tricky, especially when emotions run high. it's important to remind yourself that you are not responsible for anyone's actions or feelings but your own. 😉 perhaps this experience might serve as a catalyst for both you and him to find healthier ways of communicating and supporting each other; sometimes, stepping back to gain clarity can be incredibly powerful. just being present, with all your imperfections, is often enough and speaks volumes more than words ever could. keep listening to that voice telling you you're a good person—because it sounds like you genuinely are!
Man, you’re definitely not a terrible person; I think we’ve all been there at some point. It's tough to balance your own emotions while being there for someone else, especially when their struggles impact you deeply. 🤔 Sometimes stepping back is necessary, even if it's just for a moment, to gain perspective and take care of yourself. I've had moments where I needed to pause and process things on my own before continuing to support friends in similar situations; it's totally normal—remember, it's okay to feel conflicted about it. Your friend seems to appreciate your honesty more than you realize, so keep communicating openly and trust that this will ultimately strengthen your bond!
it's like you're in a bit of a catch-22 situation; wanting to support your friend without neglecting your own emotional well-being is tough; it's insightful of you to recognize how deeply connected emotions can be. have you ever thought about seeking guidance from a mental health professional? they might provide new strategies for balancing your empathy with self-care, and remember, even the strongest bonds need clear boundaries.