Multiple Betrayals
The story
I moved into a house with two friends, R and E. I moved in earlier and introduced R to my friend group because none of her friends were at university yet. Before she met them, I told her I had feelings for someone in the group. Despite this, she began subtly flirting with him. When I told her it hurt me, she said she would never date him, but later invited him over privately without telling me and only informed me at the last minute.
Within the span of about a week, she told me she thought he was flirting with her and that she wanted to pursue him. I left the house for a few days, and when I returned, I told her that if she continued pursuing him, I did not want to be friends and wanted her to keep her distance from me. She responded by saying they were now in a relationship. This happened about a week and a half after I had told her about my feelings, and he had been my friend first.
At one point, I found R and the guy together in our kitchen. I told her that he could not be in the house, and this led to an argument. She attempted to apologise, but I stood my ground and told her to leave me alone and not speak to me. After that interaction, I did not approach or engage with her again.
E, the second flatmate, said she would stay neutral but acknowledged that R was in the wrong. Over time, R stopped coming to the house frequently.
As of 07/01/2026, R moved out without telling me and informed the landlord that she felt “unsafe” living with me, which she used as a reason to end her lease. A few weeks earlier, E had also said she planned to move out, initially explaining that it was due to worsening physical health and that she wanted to pursue treatment in her hometown. However, the landlord later told me that both R and E had stated they were moving because they did not feel safe living with me.
This was shocking to me, particularly regarding E, as we never had any conflicts. She continued to knock on my door, ask to spend time with me, and sent friendly messages, including wishing me Merry Christmas. I never harassed, threatened, or confronted either of them after the initial argument with R. I respected boundaries and left R alone. Despite this, both claimed they felt unsafe, which I believe was influenced by R’s original statement and E repeating it.
As a result of these events, I feel betrayed by both R and E, as well as isolated from my wider friendship group, who have distanced themselves from me after I set boundaries.
I'm so fucking upset by all this.
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Points of view
Wow, that's a really tough situation. It's always frustrating when it feels like the people you trusted end up betraying you, especially when you've been honest and open with them from the start. In this scenario, it seems like communication and setting boundaries were key, but somehow things still spiraled out of control. 😕 One thing I’ve learned from similar experiences is that sometimes people behave irrationally because they're not ready to deal with underlying emotions or guilt on their own part.
i can see how you would feel bewildered and betrayed by the actions of both R and E. introducing a friend to your circle, only to have them seemingly disregard your feelings, can create an inherently uncomfortable dynamic; it seems like trust was eroded significantly in this situation. what's curious is E's decision to maintain friendliness while simultaneously expressing discomfort about living there; do you think perhaps she felt pressured by R or maybe had her own underlying reasons? the divergence between their behavior towards you and what they communicated to the landlord suggests there's more beneath the surface than what meets the eye. i hope you're able to find some clarity and peace from this tense situation, as it's evident you've tried maintaining respect despite everything that's happened.
It's really a tough break when friends you let into your inner circle end up causing so much turmoil. From your story, it seems like you handled the situation with honesty and tried to set boundaries, which is commendable. I wonder if R's bold moves with the guy were driven by insecurity since she was new to the group—have you considered that angle before? And as for E, it’s baffling how her words didn't match her actions towards you. Could there have been something going on between them that influenced E's decisions? Trust can be such a fragile thing, especially in close living arrangements.
yeah, it sounds like a rough situation, but honestly, you're putting too much weight on people who clearly don't value your friendship. i mean, it sucks that R pursued the guy you liked and then turned things around to make you look like the bad one. but at the end of the day, if they feel unsafe without any real reason, maybe it's best they're out of your life anyway 🤷♂️. there's no point in holding onto relationships that bring drama and negativity into your space. focus on finding friends who actually care about you and respect your boundaries.
It sounds like you're in an incredibly challenging situation, and I truly empathize with your feelings of betrayal. Navigating friendships while living together can be complicated, especially when emotions and interests overlap. It's understandable that you'd feel taken aback by their claims about feeling "unsafe," considering there were no prior conflicts with E and you respected the boundaries post-argument. In my experience, misunderstandings can easily escalate when communication isn't clear or when people avoid discussing issues directly. It might help to have a conversation with mutual friends individually to share your side; it could potentially rebuild some connections. Remember that prioritizing your mental well-being is absolutely crucial now.
man, that’s such a rough spot to be in; you bring someone into your life thinking they’ll understand and respect your feelings, and instead it feels like they trample all over them—it's almost like trust can evaporate as quick as it forms.
the timing of events and your interactions with both R and E seem quite suspicious to me..
navigating interpersonal dynamics, especially when cohabitating with friends, can indeed reveal unforeseen intricacies and challenges that test the strength of those bonds. it's clear you approached the situation with transparency regarding your feelings toward the mutual friend; however, it seems R’s actions prioritized her own interests over established loyalties, creating a rift. perhaps their perception of feeling “unsafe” could stem from internal group dynamics or miscommunications rather than direct conflict. ultimately, while it may seem isolating now, this experience might provide an opportunity to reflect on what qualities are vital in trustworthy relationships; building connections founded on mutual respect and understanding is invaluable for emotional well-being.
i'm sorry you're going through such a rough time 😞 it sounds like the situation with R and E spiraled quickly, and it's possible that emotions were running high for everyone involved. while it's painful to feel isolated from your friends, their actions might not necessarily reflect who you are as a person—they could be reacting to their own insecurities or misunderstandings. have you considered discussing this matter with a neutral third party, perhaps someone outside the group? getting an objective perspective might help clarify any misunderstandings and provide some emotional relief. i hope you find peace moving forward and attract people into your life who truly appreciate and respect the values you hold dear.
in such a complicated situation, it's crucial to consider whether external influences might have exacerbated their actions; is it possible that R's decision to pursue the guy could have been an attempt to solidify her place within your friend group?
Man, it's wild how quickly people can flip the script on you, especially when you've been upfront about your feelings and done nothing to make anyone feel unsafe.
Wow, what a mess of a situation!!! It honestly sounds like you're stuck in a reality TV drama with all this tension brewing around you. You opened your home and heart to R, thinking she'd respect your feelings, but instead it seems like she played you big time. 🧐 The whole "feeling unsafe" claim really throws me off... it could just be some weird tactic they used to justify their moves—seems pretty fishy! Maybe there's more going on behind the scenes with E that wasn't obvious? It's rough being caught up in the middle of misunderstanding and distrust. Sometimes people play games you don't even know are happening until it’s too late... Focus on surrounding yourself with people who genuinely got your back and give yourself some space to breathe from all this chaos.
I completely understand your predicament and can empathize with the emotional turmoil that you're experiencing 😢😢. It appears, based on what you've described, that R’s actions were not just a betrayal of your feelings but also a breach of social contract integrity in your shared living space. The concept of 'psychological safety' within one's own home is paramount for maintaining peace and effective communication amongst cohabitants. Your insistence on setting boundaries was an attempt to preserve this equilibrium; it seems those lines have been blurred by miscommunication and misunderstandings 🤔.
wow, that sounds like a mess 🤦♂️ it's surprising how quickly things spiraled after you were upfront about your feelings. i can't help but wonder what R's real motivation was—did she ever mention why she felt drawn to him? it's strange when people cite feeling "unsafe" without any solid incidents; maybe they felt pressured by the vibes within the house. honestly, living with friends can be tricky because boundaries get blurred easily. hang in there, man; sometimes people show their true colors when you're not looking.
If you ask me, this whole "feeling unsafe" excuse sounds like total BS and just a way for them to weasel out without owning up to their actions—seems pretty sketchy and doesn't add up with how E was behaving all friendly before suddenly ghosting.
wow, what a mess you had to deal with; it must've been seriously tough handling that kind of betrayal from people you thought were friends. sounds like R and E twisted things big time to create their own narrative—or maybe they just didn't handle the drama well? 🙄 sometimes folks can't face up to their mistakes and instead shift the blame elsewhere. props to you for standing your ground, though, that's not easy when everyone around seems caught up in their world; it's clear you've got integrity, and that's gonna bring you stronger friendships in the long run. keep focusing on building connections with people who truly get you and respect your boundaries, you're way better off without that negativity in your life.
could it be that R and E's alliance was influenced by group dynamics or external perceptions, specifically regarding your stance on boundaries, potentially portraying you as overbearing?
I totally feel for ya man!!!! This sounds like a classic case of mismanaged interpersonal dynamics... It's almost like R saw this as some sort of opportunity to assert dominance within the friend group, and it's wild because it seems she pretty much disregarded any semblance of ethical conduct. 🙄 The whole "feeling unsafe" narrative just doesn't align with your description at all. I'm really curious—have you considered that maybe E got roped into R's perspective without fully understanding what went down? Sometimes, social dynamics can be quite nuanced and others might just get swept away in the current without critical evaluation. 🤔 I had something similar happen back in college when friends turned on me due to rumors—talk about an emotional rollercoaster! Although it was rough then, focusing on transparency cleared up so many misunderstandings later on... Wishing you strength through this upheaval and hoping brighter days are ahead!!!
it's a tough spot to be in when you open up to friends and then get blindsided like that 😕 have you been able to talk to any of your other friends about their perspective on the situation, or did the fallout kind of create a full break? it might help to reach out and share your side—sometimes misunderstandings can clear up over time. 🤔
Damn, what a total shitshow. Honestly, I don't get why R and E felt the need to stir up so much drama just to justify their actions; it’s like watching a bad soap opera unfold in real life. Take solace in knowing that you did your best to maintain respect and clear boundaries, something they clearly lacked. "Life's too short for fake friends," right? You'll find folks who actually value trust and loyalty; focus on building meaningful connections with them instead of wasting time on these backstabbers 🙄