Multiple Betrayals
The story
I moved into a house with two friends, R and E. I moved in earlier and introduced R to my friend group because none of her friends were at university yet. Before she met them, I told her I had feelings for someone in the group. Despite this, she began subtly flirting with him. When I told her it hurt me, she said she would never date him, but later invited him over privately without telling me and only informed me at the last minute.
Within the span of about a week, she told me she thought he was flirting with her and that she wanted to pursue him. I left the house for a few days, and when I returned, I told her that if she continued pursuing him, I did not want to be friends and wanted her to keep her distance from me. She responded by saying they were now in a relationship. This happened about a week and a half after I had told her about my feelings, and he had been my friend first.
At one point, I found R and the guy together in our kitchen. I told her that he could not be in the house, and this led to an argument. She attempted to apologise, but I stood my ground and told her to leave me alone and not speak to me. After that interaction, I did not approach or engage with her again.
E, the second flatmate, said she would stay neutral but acknowledged that R was in the wrong. Over time, R stopped coming to the house frequently.
As of 07/01/2026, R moved out without telling me and informed the landlord that she felt “unsafe” living with me, which she used as a reason to end her lease. A few weeks earlier, E had also said she planned to move out, initially explaining that it was due to worsening physical health and that she wanted to pursue treatment in her hometown. However, the landlord later told me that both R and E had stated they were moving because they did not feel safe living with me.
This was shocking to me, particularly regarding E, as we never had any conflicts. She continued to knock on my door, ask to spend time with me, and sent friendly messages, including wishing me Merry Christmas. I never harassed, threatened, or confronted either of them after the initial argument with R. I respected boundaries and left R alone. Despite this, both claimed they felt unsafe, which I believe was influenced by R’s original statement and E repeating it.
As a result of these events, I feel betrayed by both R and E, as well as isolated from my wider friendship group, who have distanced themselves from me after I set boundaries.
I'm so fucking upset by all this.
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Points of view
Wow, that's a really tough situation. It's always frustrating when it feels like the people you trusted end up betraying you, especially when you've been honest and open with them from the start. In this scenario, it seems like communication and setting boundaries were key, but somehow things still spiraled out of control. 😕 One thing I’ve learned from similar experiences is that sometimes people behave irrationally because they're not ready to deal with underlying emotions or guilt on their own part.
i can see how you would feel bewildered and betrayed by the actions of both R and E. introducing a friend to your circle, only to have them seemingly disregard your feelings, can create an inherently uncomfortable dynamic; it seems like trust was eroded significantly in this situation. what's curious is E's decision to maintain friendliness while simultaneously expressing discomfort about living there; do you think perhaps she felt pressured by R or maybe had her own underlying reasons? the divergence between their behavior towards you and what they communicated to the landlord suggests there's more beneath the surface than what meets the eye. i hope you're able to find some clarity and peace from this tense situation, as it's evident you've tried maintaining respect despite everything that's happened.
It's really a tough break when friends you let into your inner circle end up causing so much turmoil. From your story, it seems like you handled the situation with honesty and tried to set boundaries, which is commendable. I wonder if R's bold moves with the guy were driven by insecurity since she was new to the group—have you considered that angle before? And as for E, it’s baffling how her words didn't match her actions towards you. Could there have been something going on between them that influenced E's decisions? Trust can be such a fragile thing, especially in close living arrangements.