i feel like every time someone gets too close lol i start finding reasons to push them away. even tho i want connection deep inside but then why sabotage relationships??? so confusing right!!! it’s like there’s a part of me that sees this happen and stops trying to make it work, giving up almost willingly ??? wishing someone would just stick around against my pushing and pulling tendencies. but then again maybe theyre just waiting for a sign i really need them??🤔.

what frustrates me is how many excuses dwell in my head, it's like each one valid on the surface, seems legit at first glance. gotta admit, I even buy into them myself sometimes. 'too busy' or 'they need too much'. i get caught up 🤦‍♀️ thinking they're all true enough not realizing im shoving people out the door before they can knock.

i know that lotsa folks probably suck in relating too like me feeling trapped in their own patterns wanting something opposite yet doing NOTHING to change it!!!!!!! the cycle’s endless man it's tiring exhausting ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!! even my ex bestie remarked once sarcastically saying 'you're your own worst enemy' couldn't have said better myself ha.

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