Sometimes I wish my friends weren't mentally struggling
The story
Look guys, before I come across as ableist to you, just know I'm aware of their problems and I know they're real struggles. I just wish they weren't so unpredictable and I know why they're upset, and not just blame it on myself all the time.
For a while I've struggled with friends. Ever since I was young, it's been that way. That's why in school, even with tight-knit friends, sometimes a few of them struggle a lot. Hell, one of them has left school probably due to mental health problems sinking their grades. It sucks. I really enjoyed their company, because I knew them since kindergarten but it was only a bit recently that we truly got along and I felt less nervous to be around them. Back then, they told me they had some mental diagnosis and they take some meds, which I understand bc I suffer eczema and I also take some medications (I know they take mental meds, it's just that we both take medicines for chronic illnesses), but I honestly felt awkward around this person for many years earlier
Initially it was because they were a close friend of my crush, who's now just a friend of mine (her and I are just friends now, I moved on), but back then, I thought I hurt her feelings by confessing to her and telling her about a...certain crush dream I had (if you catch my drift, and yes I feel horrible about it), and she had replaced me with the friend who has now left school, and I was "the disgusting filthy human being". That was one of the many things that caused me to be in a depressive state for I think 1.5 years. It was me thinking she left me, I was all alone, I was isolating myself from everyone, my grades were dropping, I stopped drawing for a while, and I felt distant and alone even with family and even went through a spiral of thinking I was a god of some sorts, that my pain was me "thinking straight" when it wasn't. I don't know how I got out of it now, but I'm okay now.
Anyways, being with some friends, knowing at least one of them has a diagnosed mental illness or something, is kinda harsh. I already have a fear of being left out by friends, but to be with a group of people that's unpredictable is...scary. I hate that I'm scared of it. I know it's not their fault. But I know one of them has a diagnosis, one of them probably has dyspraxia, and another has just a generally kinda crappy household. My closest friend (not ex-crush) is fine, but she doesn't know I also struggle with everything else from my other friends. One of them is distant from me for some reason, and I can't help but think to myself about every wrong thing I did, no matter how small. If friends is school according to dad and movies are "petty, shallow and only for fun", what if she's quiet because she found the smallest of reasons to hate me? Then my very existence burdens her. I hate that I'm a burden. I just don't like how unpredictable things are, and I wish at least it made sense. That it should be more...predictable.
I hate feeling like a burden, but to whoever friend is struggling right now, in their home, school or mind, live with love. I clearly burden you too much.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I get you're feeling like you're walking on eggshells with your friends, but it sounds a bit harsh to expect predictability from people dealing with mental health issues, you know? 🤔 Relationships can be messy and unpredictable sometimes regardless of diagnoses or not. Maybe instead of assuming you're a burden (which I'm sure you're not), try having an open convo about what's going on. It might clear up some misunderstandings and put your mind at ease!
Reading this i think your issue is more with yourself than your friends. You felt a lot of guilt and depression and really suffered last time you felt abandoned. Now you're scared of abandonment and want everyone else to be happy all the time so you can feel more confident that you won't have to face that fear. Well, happy people do things we don't expect too. And pain is part of life. We deal with that pain by loving ourselves and trusting we can figure situations out - including fear, heartbreak, unpredictability, shame, and loss. You haven't said anything wrong with anyone's depression but your own. You're paranoid about losing people and have wrongly associated THEIR mental illness with an inevitable bad outcome for YOU. You need to work on letting go ans being okay with taking the risk of caring about people. You have always risked getting hurt with every friend you ever made in the past - You're just more aware of that now. It happens, but you can get past it
It sounds like you're going through a lot. But the person above is right: maybe it's time to focus on yourself and how you handle these feelings of abandonment. You might find that putting some energy into self-care helps ease that fear. It's not easy, but worth a try.
not to be harsh, but life ain't a script and you can't expect people to act a certain way just for your comfort.
i get it, life with friends can be unpredictable. but isn't that what makes it exciting too? i guess it's a balance we're all trying to figure out.
Your story really resonates with me. It's tough to balance empathy for friends going through their own struggles while dealing with your own insecurities and fears of being left out. The unpredictability you mentioned can definitely be challenging, especially when it feels like you're constantly on edge about how others perceive you. 😔 I think many of us have been in similar situations where our mental well-being intertwines with the dynamics of friendships. When I went through something similar, I found that focusing on open communication helped lessen my anxiety about misunderstandings or conflicts. Have you ever tried having a heart-to-heart conversation with your friends about how you've been feeling? It might ease some of the tension and help you feel more connected and less like you're shouldering everything alone.
I once had a close friend who also left school due to mental health issues. It was hard to see them go and I often worried if I could've done more to help. But over time, I realized it's a journey they had to take on their own. Staying supportive from afar is sometimes the best we can do.
you know, it's kind of ironic. you're upset about everyone's unpredictability, but isn't life just one big unpredictable mess? yes, friends come with baggage and surprises, but that's what makes it interesting... and challenging. try not to get too caught up overthinking every little detail or fearing you’re a burden; most people just want mutual support and understanding. things might never be fully predictable, but maybe embrace the chaos a little bit?
idk man, understanding mental health stuff is tough for sure;;; it's like walking on eggshells sometimes when you try to support friends and worry they might just disappear from your life. can't lie, i've felt that disconnect with people too; they get distant and you're left questioning every little interaction. but hey, relationships aren't always predictable or straightforward, right??? we all have our baggage so try not to beat yourself up too much about your fears and insecurities.
i dunno, man, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and overthinking things.
it's tough to feel like you're in a space where everything just seems unpredictable and you can't pin things down. but, man, life is filled with random ups and downs. it sounds like maybe you're putting too much weight on what others might be thinking? i've been there, overthinking every tiny interaction... no fun at all 😤. what helped me sometimes was focusing more on the stuff i can actually control, like how i react or what i say to people. sure makes things feel less like a whirlwind! maybe give yourself a bit of slack; everyone’s dealing with their own chaos whether it shows or not.
thats tuff man idk how u deal w that maybe its just me bt i find frens hard 2
i hear what you're saying and it sounds like trust is a bit of a sticking point here; if you're feeling insecure about how your friends see you, maybe it's because you're not totally sure where the lines of communication are open or closed. unpredictability can be nerve-wracking for sure, but that's life, right? when people have their own struggles, they might not even realize how it affects others around them. being patient and choosing to focus on what you can control (like your reactions or reaching out to discuss how you feel)might help balance some of that chaos without putting too much pressure on yourself or expecting things to make perfect sense all the time...
okay so i get where ur coming from but like not everyone has perfect lives right some of my friends they have these issues too and honestly sometimes its just about being there for each other even when unpredictable stuff happens
we dont always know what's going on in their heads and thats okay ive learned over the years that sometimes you gotta roll with whatever comes your way things will make sense eventually i promise
have you tried talking to your friends about how you feel? maybe they don't realize you're feeling like this... or maybe you're just assuming things?
That's a great point! Communication can help clear up misunderstandings.
There was a time when I was really afraid of losing friends too because of their issues or mine. But then one day, we had an open conversation about everything and it turned out they felt the same way too. It really helped us understand each other better.
i used to worry about burdening people too. remember when my cat died last year... i thought no one would care, but my friends were surprisingly supportive.
Friendships are so tricky at times, aren't they? It's like there's this fear of being left out, yet we're drawn towards them anyway. Maybe it's human nature or something deeper that keeps us involved.