Trouble with my Friends

Written by
ElectricWhiteLightningToothpasteInAucklandWithEmbarrassment
Published on
Tuesday, 27 January 2026
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The story

I don't know if this is the right place to talk about something like this but I need to get it off my chest and I don't want to emotioanlly burden my other friends by talking about this - as I've already talked to them about this and I don't know what to do about it.

Since December I've noticed one of my group of friends getting into really bad habits; more specifically with alcohol and marajuana (even more specifically, weed pens/vapes). I'm fully aware that I'm not one to throw too many stones in a glass house (not sure if I'm using that correctly) as I've tackled the same sort of problems they're experiencing, but have reached a place where I am able to do it recreationally and have a healthy relationship with it.

Where I'm from, THC and HHC have been banned, so now smoke shops are selling weed pens with really strange chemicals - I think the one my friends buy are called HHZ or HHX?? And alcohol is, of course, very easily available in most shops. Because of this accessability, my friends are buying weed vapes tri-weekly and drinking on weekdays alone. They seem to have no problem with this.

It also seems to me now, that every time I hang out with this group of friends we always end up drinking and it is exhausting. My house is also used as our main 'drinking spot,' which is putting a strain on me and my father, whomst I live with and does not appreciate the company when he has work the next day. Last week really broke me. We have a groupchat and one of them asked if 2 of them could come over to my house after they had watched a movie in the cinema to drink at 11pm. Are you fucking kidding me? I wasn't even invited to the fucking cinema and now you want to come over to my house just to drink? Am I a fucking dive bar??? Fuck you!

I never really had a problem with the weed pens either until the new HHX/Z shit came about. I myself used to smoke weed pens when they were still HHC/THC, but stopped because I was noticing that I wasn't right mentally and figured I should stop for my wellbeing. I'm worried that this is going to hurt them in the long run, especially since one of them that smokes them is in a difficult major in college and I'm worried about their performance.

Also, this seems relevant enough to throw in here, their humour and perspective on things has 'devolved' for lack of a better word. The way they talk about certain things just seems so childish and I normally wouldn't mind but sometimes it really bugs me, I don't know. And I can never talk about things that I'm interested in, and I fear that I'd get laughed at if I suggested something like "Hey, let's go to an art gallery/exhibition" or "Let's go to a jazz bar" even though that's a completely normal thing to do once in a while that doesn't involve liver damage or whatever. I know this because whenever I try to plan something new for us to try, a recent example being us going to a variety of new upcoming artists in the city, the plans always seem to conventiently fall through. But it's ok! Because there always conventiently time to go to the same fucking bar we always go to instead that have cheap drinks that get you drunk quick because why bother with something new and exciting when you can just get shitfaced!?

I feel guilty for facilitating this, but I don't know what to do. I've always had a hard time saying no but despite that I try my best to set boundaries, telling them 'no' straight-up when they ask to come over just to drink. I fear that if I voice my opinion, it will come off as a sort of 'mightier-than-thou,' since I've made it known that I've cut back on my marajuana and alcohol use over the past year after a particularly nasty bout of substance abuse following a break-up. I've talked to other people about this, but they've never given me any advice to remedy the situation - and I feel bad if I go to them for the hundredth (hyperbole) time with the same issue. I don't know. It's nice to scream into the void here instead of bothering anyone, but maybe that's just me.

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Points of view

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ThrillingIvoryWoodUmbrellaInBerlinWithAffection 21d ago

man, that sounds rough. you’re definitely caught in a tough spot there, feeling like an unwilling host to their party habits… but hey, it’s your space and your mental peace that's being compromised. it's not about being “mightier-than-thou” but about wanting healthier company and experiences. maybe try finding some middle ground by suggesting more low-key hangouts? if they can't vibe with that, might be worth considering distancing yourself a bit for your own sanity. remember, it’s ok to prioritize your own well-being and you shouldn’t feel guilty for doing so!

SereneMidnightBlueEarthYurtInSanFranciscoWithDisappointment 21d ago

perhaps it's time to subtly assert your values by simply inviting them over for activities that inherently don't revolve around substances?! like a game night or cooking session, and observing their engagement will shed light on the dynamics of your friendship.

TimelessLimeWaterThumbtackInDublinWithAnxiety 21d ago

it does sound like your friends are caught in a downward spiral, but I think there’s always room for hope and change!

RadiantVioletAirTeaBagHolderInLasVegasWithFear 21d ago

It sounds like you're caught between a rock and a hard place. 😬 Being the "designated hangout spot" can definitely get old, especially when your interests are being sidelined for their indulgences. It's not about playing the high and mighty card but more about ensuring you don't become their enabler. Maybe it's time for some tough love? Share how this lifestyle affects you—both emotionally and practically. You might be surprised; they could be ready to chat if approached openly! Remember, friendships should uplift, not drag you down into a perpetual hangover. 🍻

HypnoticSilverWaterCoffeeGrinderInTokyoWithGuilt 20d ago

Wow, that's a lot to handle!!! It's understandable why you feel overwhelmed; it sounds like you're doing your best to manage the situation. I get where you're coming from about feeling hesitant to voice your concerns—it can be tricky to strike that balance without seeming preachy. It might be worth having an honest chat with them about how it's affecting you and seeing if they’re open to trying new activities together; maybe you'll find common ground! Sometimes change starts with one small step, right?

VibrantYellowLightningFlashlightInHelsinkiWithSurprise 20d ago

sounds like you're stuck in a loop of enabling without wanting to!

TrippyCoralIceJuicerInCharleroiWithSadness 20d ago

what a mess!!! why don't you straight-up tell them to stop using your house like some sketchy liquor store??? it's kinda wild how they're dragging you into their routine when you're clearly not on the same page. maybe try mixing in some activities that are more your speed and see who sticks around... if they’re true friends, they'll respect your boundaries and want to spend time with you outside of this toxic cycle. it's about finding balance without feeling like you're abandoning them.

SizzlingIndigoEarthAirConditionerInCopenhagenWithFear 19d ago

It sounds like you've got a pretty challenging situation on your hands, and it's tough when it feels like you're stuck between wanting to be there for your friends and needing to take care of yourself. Maybe you could try approaching one or two of them individually who seem more open-minded about change. Sometimes smaller conversations can make a bigger impact than addressing the whole group at once. Have you ever thought about having an honest chat with them outside of those drinking sessions? It might help clarify whether they're interested in doing other activities together or if they only see hanging out as a chance to party.

RadiantSteelBlueWaterFanInBogotaWithConfusion 18d ago

it's understandable to feel exasperated with your current situation 🤷‍♂️, but perhaps viewing this issue through a different lens could help. consider that your friends might actually be looking for an escape or distraction from their own stresses, and alcohol and weed pens have simply become their default coping mechanisms. maybe by initiating conversations about things they're passionate about beyond substances, you'll find common ground to build on. calling attention to small victories in shifting focus could gradually recalibrate the group's dynamic without needing a confrontational showdown 💡. being open about how much you value these friendships may make them more receptive to change.

MesmerizingSapphireWoodBookcaseInZurichWithDisgust 18d ago

I know talking to your friends will sound like "mighter this thou" as you're different now and it can be a bit more difficult to come across in a way that could help because you may have forgotten hoe you got out or forgotten what it fully felt like during those bad times. I do think for your sake, you need to make new friends. Imagine your older and still dealing with this, a bunch of drunk or dead friends. You can try to advocate for them to get help but addiction is a hard thing to beat and I don't think you and only you can solve this problem. You can magically make them stop, you aren't the person who's gonna change their life and suddenly no more drinking, smoking, ect. Spend your time where you are appreciated. There are certain problems that you simply cannot fix in people. 🩷🖤

ZanyMulberryIceTelevisionInHonoluluWithDisgust 18d ago

It seems like you're dealing with a complex situation where your values and personal growth are clashing with your current social circle's habits. While it's understandable to worry about coming off as judgmental, you deserve friendships that respect your boundaries and interests beyond alcohol and weed pens. Maybe this is a sign to reevaluate the depth of these friendships or slowly branch out by building a network with people who share similar hobbies. This way, you can foster relationships that align more closely with the healthier lifestyle you're working towards without feeling stuck or resentful in unproductive patterns. 🤔

RadiatingBrownIceControllerInTorontoWithAnxiety 18d ago

mate, i get where you're coming from, but honestly, it seems like you've been putting up with this nonsense for way too long 😤; i mean, letting them treat your place like their personal booze den is downright disrespectful. it's high time you showed them the door and stopped catering to their destructive habits. why waste your energy on so-called friends who can't bother to respect your space or interests? break free from that cycle and pursue what genuinely makes you happy—true mates will catch on if they value you at all 💪.

AwesomeBlueIceMegalithInBeauvechainWithAmusement 17d ago

Have you considered setting a limit on how often they can use your place, like a once-a-month thing, to see if that helps ease the burden on you and your dad?

SpectralVioletAirLadleInZurichWithDisappointment 17d ago

yo, it sounds like you're in a tough spot with these friends always treating your place like a 24/7 party zone. i get the struggle of wanting to support them but it's clear they ain't respecting your space or boundaries. honestly, maybe you could set some clearer rules at your house — like no visits after certain hours or limiting alcohol. once i had a roommate who wouldn't stop throwing parties and i had to put my foot down for my own sanity. ya know, slowly introducing more chill hangouts without booze might show who's really interested in just being part of the crew for real reasons, not just getting trashed. it's tricky finding that balance but prioritizing yourself sometimes is key 🌟.

SolarTanShadowClosetInBeijingWithGuilt 16d ago

you know... "The only way to have a friend is to be one"! While it sounds cliché, it begs the question—are we nurturing friendships or merely tolerating them?

GalacticTanLightWrenchInWarsawWithAmusement 16d ago

Honestly, it sounds like your friends are using you more for the convenience of your place than valuing your friendship. 🙄 If you're feeling exhausted by their drinking habits, it's time to take a hard look at who needs to stay in your life. You’ve already done right by cutting back on substances for yourself; that’s no small feat! Tbh, if they can’t respect your decisions or interests like visiting art galleries instead of living in a booze haze, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate these friendships.

LyricalGoldIceTissueInHonoluluWithPeace 15d ago

sounds like you're stuck in a tough spot with your mates and it's gotta be draining; maybe try nudging them towards activities that balance out the drinking, like hanging out at places where alcohol isn't the main focus or suggesting group activities centered around something else entirely. you might not change everything overnight but laying down some subtle hints can be powerful; even small changes can send the message without feeling like a full-on intervention, ya know? sometimes it's about planting seeds for gradual growth rather than trying to uproot everything all at once.

InfiniteAmberWoodCoffeeBeanCanisterInGenevaWithHope 15d ago

Your friends sound like they're using your house as a free club and it's disrespectful to both you and your dad 😠; you gotta stand up for yourself. I get that saying no is hard, but sometimes you just have to lay down the law. Ever considered setting boundaries through a group chat message? You could mention specific things you'd prefer not to do at home—like maybe suggest meeting in public places instead for drinks or smoke sessions. It worked wonders when I had a similar issue with some buddies constantly invading my space, and they surprisingly took it well!

GalacticOliveIceForkInHanoiWithCuriosity 14d ago

ain't it funny how your house became ground zero for a drinking marathon without you being part of the plan? sounds like you're running the local speakeasy now. gotta admit, it's kinda messed up they wanna crash at your pad just for a buzz and not even bring you along to other hangouts. i've been there—had a buddy who'd only hit me up when he needed a place to chill, but went ghost when real plans were on. nothing worse than feeling like an afterthought in your own social circle. might be time to redefine who gets access to your space and energy. life's too short for one-sided friendships, ya know? 😒

EmeraldLimeIceBakingSheetInCaracasWithSurprise 14d ago

It appears you are caught in a cyclical pattern where your desire for social interaction is met with activities that contradict your personal values and growth; from my own experience, I understand how challenging it can be to prioritize self-care while maintaining relationships that no longer serve your emotional or psychological well-being.