Unrequited love, i think..?
The story
i have a best friend. She's been my best friend for the longest time after all my friends stopped being friends with me around some year in middle school, if i'm not wrong.
i've felt her love all this years—as a friend, of course. i felt so close to her, almost as if we were siblings. i always felt comfortable around her and just did whatever i want because i felt like she accepted me however i was.
Thing is, after all this long, long years, where things have changed drastically and we're definitely not as close as we used to be....................... i think i like her.
That shouldn't be a problem. Friends tend to fall in love with their friends and that's how they end up marrying and having a family and blah blah blah. It's normal and it should be.
*Should* be, because it's not normal.
We're both girls. And that...... kind of terrifies me.
i have nothing against homosexuals. i love y'all people, would never see a bit of hate from me towards you or anyone else. It's just—
Yeah, i have a faith. And *this*?
This kind of f*cks up everything.
i've dealt with this feeling for *a while* now. Tried to suppress them, tried to understand them, tried to forget about it.......
Nothing works.
It just feels so wrong however i look at it.
i don't like her in a way i can imagine or daydream about us being in a relationship and having a future together—no, i just-- i just want her to be by my side. To be together. As just friends, or a bit something else, in some sense(?). That she does love me back. That it would be mutual. That, even if she has lots more of friends aside from me, at the end of the day she still comes back to hug me and tell me she loves me.
i have never talked to her about this because— first of all, i'm shy, even with her. i've changed and i don't feel as close as we were back then. Just saying all of this here is embarrassing enough, because it feels like admitting something huge and making it *real*—it's scary. i'm doing this only because i'm desperate to let it out and it's anonymous. And, second— HOW THE HELL DO I GO AND TELL HER "hey, i think i like you. Not sure tho but what'd you think"?!! i wouldn't go and say it that way, but in ANY way i say it, i feel like i'm going to ruin a friendship i've taken years on to build, after being left by many and become isolated.
Look, maybe i'm just overly attached to her because she's literally my only friend left (and i feel like this is going to break any time) or idk i'm going through a phase or something. Or maybe i just admire her or something and i'm mistaking it for romantic love??
But every time i look at her—bathed in sunshine, beneath moonlight; under blue skies or a sunset of hues. Even sweating overwhelmed by summer heat or soaked in cold winter rain. She just shines. She's beautiful. She's so damn pretty it hurts. Her smile is something i want for only me. i'm guilty of feeling a little possessive in that way. But especially in the way she speaks—her voice, her words, her gestures. How she feels and how she shows it; in the way she does mundane chores or a complex project of any kind, of anything she's interested in.
i just......... Feel short of words.
i feel so in love that it truly hurts—because i like her, so much, and she seems unreachable... And even if she was at my very reach... It feels incredibly wrong.
i'm scared of ever saying something even slightly related to my feelings to her, because anything and everything feels exposing, from what i do and what i don't.
i just feel so stupid......
Being in love is difficult, i hadn't been in forever... i hate it... But i also lover her so much it kind of numbs the hate... But then i hate to admit it... Damn it...
Also, do i have to actually put that question it tells me to put at the end...?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
mate, sounds like you're in a tough spot but love ain't gonna play by your rules just cause it can't 🤷♂️ maybe slow down and figure out what you really want before diving deep into something that might mess with both your heads.
Not to say we're the same, but this is the exact story that I feel for my best friend. You basically are my doppelganger but I think older, maybe? I relate to this so much and I understand how hard it is, this is the same thing that I have for my friend. But coming from me, I just wish she could understand it from my side, so she could see it in my shoes. Its the exact same experience, well--almost. I have always had love for her either in a friendship way or in a romantic way. I think we can agree that we both don't know how to navigate any of this, so we think and think and THINK about it--and yet nothing ever happens. But to be honest, this kind of does sound like its coming from her side of the story, but In my mind I'm pretty sure she's not the one who wrote this. She has always cared for me and has always been there for me but I know that she probably doesn't feel the same way. You are right about all of this, because I have the exact same experience (apart from the fact I've always been lez), and I'm still in middle school trying to navigate all this without messing something up. If I knew who you are, we would probably be talking nonstop about how similar our experiences are. Thank you so much for sharing this, and I feel the exact same way you do. Even if you think she won't like you back, be there for her and care and love nonstop, and you GO GET HER, I believe in you!
AND WOW I didn't notice this was today. I am SO LUCKY I FOUND YOU
bruh, i feel for you; being stuck in this kind of emotional labyrinth can be seriously draining. it's super understandable that you're wrestling with these feelings and the fear of losing a friendship that's so precious to you. honestly, it's commendable that you're being introspective and trying to sort out your emotions before making any big moves. maybe it helps to think about what "being together" really means for you: like, does it have to be romantic love or could it evolve into something else just as meaningful? deep down, you gotta tiptoe around these emotions until you figure out what's best both for you and her because rushing might end up tangled in more confusion than clarity!!!!!
navigating feelings like these can be quite the conundrum, especially when they challenge deeply held beliefs. it's perfectly natural to experience such a whirlwind of emotions; love and friendship often intertwine in complex ways. perhaps consider that your profound admiration for her might not necessarily need to fit into conventional categories of romantic or platonic. embracing the grey areas could offer a chance for personal growth and deeper understanding of both your identity and what you truly value in this relationship. whatever path you choose, remember that any step towards self-discovery is valuable and courageous ❤️