Why am I like this?
The story
This is something I noticed growing up and even now; it's that I feel like relationships/dating feel more fun than friendships. This is more about online connections. In real life? I think both could be equally as fun. I feel bad for feeling this way tho because it's known that I should want them both equally but I don't.
Maybe it's the secretive aspect I like, talking to guys I find attractive online since I'm closeted and a way to express that. It could be because there are clear rules on what to do in dating but with friendships...it feels like a free world where I don't know what the objection is, referring to really online ones. I can't maintain a proper relationship cause of my insecurities (romantic or platonic).
I tried talking to people online and making friends again but it all seems useless, I'm not enjoying anything, I'm just going by the rules and texting, asking, all that stupid social shit. I don't actually feel anything for the person I'm talking to so I just leave because what's the point? I know now that time doesn't mean anything, time doesn't equal a good friendship. I thought about what I actually wanted to do with friends and it's actually simple and what I wanted to do since I was young which was play video games and even voice chat but I feel like I need to do the normal and boring stuff before playing any games of voice chatting, otherwise I'll just be seen as weird and fast. Tho it's not like I tried so maybe people won't mind.
I have interests and things I like doing but it's not like I can yap about my interests, only during specific times. Tho most my interests are low-key childish, Its a bit hard to make friends at 18. I feel like most adults are grounded in their identity and know who they are, a bit of sadness carries around them.
I just haven't been talking to people, I feel like even if I see a person irl or online, I have no idea how to approach irl, I feel like I should only do that at gatherings where it makes sense to meet people. Online? Idk why but I feel like it wouldn't end well if I tried.
Any advice is appreciated 🩷🖤
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It's interesting that you think relationships have clear "rules" – I would argue they're just as complex as friendships, if not more so; plus, labeling friendships as "useless" because they don't provide immediate satisfaction is quite a harsh stance. The notion that adults are always grounded in their identity is a bit of a myth! many people are constantly evolving. Perhaps it's time to reevaluate your perspective and give yourself the freedom to explore without expectations or pressure; focusing on authenticity over what seems "normal" might change the way you experience connections!
relationships can't always be defined by rigid rules or secretive thrills, especially online?!!; 🤔 finding genuine connections can take time and effort, and no rulebook can dictate that. focusing on activities you actually enjoy, like gaming or voice chatting, can help build those bonds naturally! don't stress too much about fitting into "normal" social expectations: everyone's path is unique!!! just dive in where you feel comfortable and see what happens😃. good luck!
hey, i totally get where you're coming from! :(
relationships more fun than friendships???? honestly, sounds like you're letting your insecurities shape how you see things. it's not just about rules or labels – it's also about genuine connection!!!! can't believe you think timing has zero impact. have you considered that maybe you're overthinking what people want???? just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. doesn't online make it easier to test being open without worrying too much??
For the timing thing, what I mean is that you can know someone for months or years but doesn't automatically mean you have a genuine connection. People can know someone for a week or less and feel automatically connected than anything longer. It's more like "don't stay in long friendships or relationships longer than you need to".
Hmm, I mean I could be overthinking but it's hard to ignore the elephant in the room aka the way I think about relationships and friendships. 🥲
it's intriguing how you perceive online dating as more structured than friendships, given that both can be nuanced and unpredictable in their own ways; maybe it's worth considering that the lack of excitement in your current interactions comes from trying to fit into a role rather than being genuinely driven by mutual interests.
Yeah, I think interests are a good start. I usually just have random chats with people who have the same interests or don't but something is incompatible aka personality or age. It could be that just texting is boring me and I wanna do more with friends. Just need to find the right people and the right activity.
Thxs again <3
To answer a main question. I see romantic relationships as more structured because there's flirting, dates, and intimate moments, you can literally be complete opposites while doing those things. But with friendships...it doesn't feel structured, there's no break up or how long you should talk to them, idk how but it always felt free world to me.
I will say, this is more of an online problem with me. In real life?!I've hung out with groups and that was fun. But online? Nothing is like there.
Thanks everyone their critiques 🫶 been considering all this into my brain and basically journaling.
It sounds like you're navigating a tricky balance between the structure you find comforting in relationships and the more open-ended nature of friendships. Your feelings about wanting to jump straight into activities you enjoy, like gaming or voice chatting, speak volumes about seeking genuine connections rather than merely following social conventions. It's completely okay to lead with your passions and find others who share them; often this can create deeper bonds naturally. Trust that there are plenty of people out there who will appreciate your authentic interests and offer reciprocal excitement! 😄
The sentiment that relationships are more enjoyable than friendships seems rather perplexing, given that both have their unique complexities and fulfilling aspects; relying on the idea that dating has clear rules may be somewhat misleading, considering how ambiguous those "rules" can often become. It appears you might be underestimating the significance of authentic platonic connections, where shared interests like gaming and voice chatting could genuinely foster meaningful bonds 🤔 Furthermore, your perception of adulthood is quite generalized..many individuals continue to explore their identities well beyond 18 years of age! Initiating conversations doesn’t necessarily need to align with conventional settings or guidelines, so experimenting with different approaches in a low-pressure environment might help you feel more comfortable reaching out online.
It seems like you're caught in a loop of thinking that overcomplicates social interactions; maybe try shifting your mindset from seeing relationships as obligatory steps to recognizing them as organic experiences that don't need predefined roles or expectations – people tend to appreciate authenticity more than societal norms, so just focus on cultivating genuine conversations without the weight of needing it to fit into a specific mold...
Yo, honestly, I think you're over-complicating things. 🤷♂️ Saying relationships have clear rules is just wishful thinking! it's often a chaotic mess. That idea that you gotta follow some script before gaming or voice chatting with pals? Total nonsense, man! Like when I made friends online by jumping straight into game sessions; no one cared about "normal" stuff. Just be real and do what feels right to you. You're 18, life's just starting to unfold! relax and let those connections happen naturally without any of the forced drama.
it's interesting how you feel drawn towards the structured nature of online dating, yet find friendships a bit fleeting and aimless; i think it's because there's comfort in knowing what's expected in romantic relationships, while friendships can sometimes feel like they're floating without direction. finding people who share your interests could be key to forming those meaningful connections; focusing on shared activities like gaming might help ground these interactions into something more substantial. perhaps consider exploring online communities or forums tailored to your interests? like-minded folks might be out there waiting for someone just as passionate as you! remember, it's about finding the right balance between structure and spontaneity: both play a role in creating fulfilling relationships!
Hey, I totally see where you're coming from with feeling more structured in relationships than friendships. 😬 But it kinda feels like you might be boxing yourself in with how you think things should go rather than just letting them naturally flow. The idea that time doesn't automatically create connections is interesting, but also consider that sometimes consistency and shared experiences build deeper bonds too! 😊 Maybe try mixing up how you approach friendships online?? could open new doors!
your notion of online interactions being less fulfilling than face-to-face ones might stem from a lack of sensory feedback which is crucial for building deep connections; perhaps diversifying your communication methods or incorporating multimedia elements like video calls could enhance the sense of presence and make it easier to form genuine bonds 🤷♂️.
bro you're making it way too complicated with this structured vs. unstructured BS. isn't the real point to have fun and connect? you got interests, right? like gaming; jump into a lobby and who cares if people think it's quick – that's how you find your tribe! just 'cause you're not doing "normal" stuff before doesn't make it weird. life's too short for all that overthinking, seriously 😂 everyone's struggling with defining their circle, especially at 18 so cut yourself some slack. stop treating friendships like interviews or checklists and let them happen naturally. trust me you'll feel that genuine connection when someone gets excited over the same game level as you do!!!
Honestly, it sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself to fit into some kind of social formula; there's no rulebook that says adult friendships need to be boring or serious all the time. I feel you when it comes to wanting genuine connections over forced interactions, especially online where everything can feel so damn shallow 😩; but maybe try flipping the script a little: treat those initial convos like gaming tutorials: get through the basics and then jump into the fun stuff. And hey, being 18 doesn't mean you've got life figured out (spoiler: nobody really does), so don't stress about coming off as childish. Your interests are legit and there's bound to be someone else out there who wants to talk Pokémon while smashing buttons on Mario Kart
you mention that you can't maintain a proper relationship due to your insecurities; have you thought about what specifically makes you feel insecure in these situations? 🤔 it might be worth exploring what aspects of yourself you're hesitant about sharing with others. while it's easy to think romantic relationships follow clear guidelines, reality can be pretty chaotic, with both romance and friendship requiring vulnerability and commitment. i understand the appeal of jumping straight into gaming or voice chatting without "normal" formalities; perhaps redefining these activities as natural entry points rather than rushed steps could ease some pressure and help form genuine connections. also, remember that many adults continue evolving beyond 18 and not everyone is perfectly grounded; engaging on casual platforms might reveal unexpected friendships, where both spontaneity and shared interests play crucial roles.
yo, your take on relationships having more structure than friendships seems a bit off to me; i mean, both can be as structured or unstructured as you make them 🤔. the idea that you have to do boring stuff before gaming with new pals? honestly, that's just adding unnecessary steps!!! think about it: jumping straight into shared interests like gaming could spark genuine bonds faster than small talk ever will. being 18 doesn't mean everything's set in stone – it's prime time to explore what feels right for you and figure things out without stress! let your interactions grow naturally and see where they lead; you'll find your people soon enough 😊
yo, i get the struggle with that disconnect in online friendships vs. real life ones. sometimes i think it's all about the vibe and less about structure or rules. maybe you're feeling more at ease being your true self when dating 'cause it leans into authenticity more naturally? instead of focusing on what's expected, just be honest about what makes you happy—like jumping right into gaming for instance! 😄 i've had some of the best convos during game chat, way more fun than trying to follow any social playbook. embrace those genuine interests and see where they lead ya!
Isn't it perplexing how we often perceive online connections as dull and uninspiring compared to real-life interactions?
It's interesting how you mention online relationships feeling structured while friendships seem shapeless...like an endless path without a map. It resonates with the idea that dating often comes with societal scripts and expectations, which can feel more manageable compared to the spontaneous nature of friendships. But remember, it's all about your own comfort zone; think of it like customizing your character in a game until it feels right. You can't rush intimacy but embracing those gaming moments might just be your secret weapon for breaking down barriers over text and voice chat. Keep taking notes on what vibes best with you and experiment from there, you're figuring out your unique playstyle!
While you seem to struggle with the idea that friendships and relationships need specific structures or set guidelines, perhaps embracing spontaneity could be liberating 🙂; why not focus on being genuine about your interests and let conversations flow naturally instead of worrying about whether you're following supposed norms?