how i feel
The story
I don’t even know how to feel about my feelings. I’ve been through so much, both now and in the past, that I can’t even understand how I feel anymore. I can’t express my feelings to anyone because when I try to express them to my mother, she sounds like she doesn’t care. So what do I do when I can’t even talk to my mom?
I keep everything inside, and when it becomes too much, I cry it out where no one will know, where no one will hear, where no one will see.
Pathetic, isn’t it? Well, that’s how I feel most of the time—pathetic.
I sit and wonder why I feel this way, why I have these feelings. A feeling where I feel empty, lost, and confused.
I don’t want to feel this way, but when I think about it, I prefer feeling numb because it protects me from disappointment. My whole life, I’ve felt like a disappointment—especially to someone I thought I could tell everything to. But now my heart aches because I can’t even talk to that person about what’s on my mind. My heart aches that whenever something is bothering me, I can’t express it because that one person I trusted thinks I’m just looking for attention.
“Attention.” You know, I never once thought about doing all of this just for attention. Well, what can I say?
Most of the time, I feel like I’m suffocating myself, as if I’m underwater and can’t breathe or get up. I can’t ask for help. Just like when my friend asks me what’s wrong, I can’t even form a word or sentence. It’s like I’m saying “what’s wrong,” but my lips aren’t moving.
You know what’s sad? Everyone I talk to about my problems says, “Talk to me” or “I’m always here.” But then they say they can relate to my trauma, even though I’ve been experiencing it for years.
If I told my mother everything I’ve been going through, she wouldn’t think twice before shouting at me, saying I’m looking for attention and pity. She is the reason I keep everything to myself, why I’m sad—no, not sad—numb. Numb is how she makes me feel most of the time, every second, every minute, every hour.
She makes me feel like I’m a burden to her. What I don’t understand is: if I’m such a burden, then why keep me? Why make me feel this way all the time?
Every time I think about all the pain she has caused me, I don’t even feel like crying. I just feel numb. I can’t even express my feelings to anybody anymore. I can’t even shed tears because I’m so numb.
“I used to float, but now I just fall down. I used to know, but now I’m not sure now...”
I don’t like this feeling I’ve been experiencing lately. I feel distant from my family and friends. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even exist in this world. I feel isolated from everyone.
Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “How are you?” can break the wall I’ve built to protect myself from crying, from looking weak, from showing that I’m in pain and suffering. So I build my wall again, brick by brick, over and over again. And there is no “until”—I will always have to build the wall.
What do I do now? How do I move on when the memories of my trauma still exist in my head, in my brain? It’s locked in a cage, like monsters waiting to come out and attack me, to make me fall back down, to make me give up.
This is why I keep everything to myself. Because once those monsters are free, and I talk about them, who will be there in the night when I’m alone with them? Who will support me? My friends say I should talk to them, but there’s only so much I can do.
Who will comfort me if I have another anxiety attack? That’s how I feel.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
I totally get where you're coming from; it can feel incredibly isolating when the very person you want to confide in dismisses your feelings. It's like you're screaming into a void and only hearing echoes back. I've been there with my dad, who always seemed to brush off my worries like they were trivial. It took me a while, but leaning on friends or even writing things out helped me process my feelings in healthier ways'. You don't have to face those monsters alone—even small steps like finding an online support group can make a world of difference 🌟
honestly, it sounds really tough feeling like you’re carrying this weight alone. i get the urge to put up walls to protect yourself—that's something i've done too many times. but keeping everything inside might not be helping in the long run. have you thought about reaching out for professional help? therapists can act as a sounding board when family doesn't get it, and sometimes just having someone neutral listen makes a difference. you'll figure your way through this: it's more common than you think…
Man, that sounds rough...like you're stuck in a constant loop with no real outlet. Sometimes it feels like even the people closest to us just don’t get it, right? Getting through each day feeling so isolated must be exhausting. I've found that sometimes just changing up how I deal with my emotions helps a bit: maybe art or music as an outlet, something you can pour all those feelings into without needing anyone else’s approval. Remember, it’s not weak to want support!!! you deserve it as much as anyone else does...
Navigating such an emotional labyrinth appears profoundly challenging, and I can empathize with the isolating nature of your predicament. While it may be tempting to remain ensconced within the familiar confines of numbness as a defense mechanism against anticipated disappointment, it's worth considering that this state might also impede genuine connections and understanding; perhaps seeking an impartial therapist could offer the objective support needed to unravel these complexities. This therapeutic alliance might provide clarity and validation outside familial bounds, offering both refuge and guidance in unpacking those encumbered emotions.
Man, that sounds rough 😔. It's tough when the people we expect to be our support system make us feel even more isolated. It might help to find an outlet—could be journaling or art—to express those feelings when words just won’t come out. I think finding a community or space where you’re understood can really ease the burden, even if it's just online groups where people actually listen and offer support. Remember, reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness 💪.
Man, you gotta chill a bit with all this overthinking about feelings. It’s like you're stuck in a loop or something. Look, I get that talking to your mom feels impossible if she's not listening, but calling yourself "pathetic" ain't gonna solve squat. It's gonna sound harsh, but everyone has their struggles and nobody's life is perfect despite what it might seem. Find an outlet that isn't just drowning in internal drama—try focusing on something else, even for a minute, and see what happens.
ever feel like you're stuck in a loop, where expressing emotions just leads to more frustration?? it's rough when the folks who should care brush you off; keeps fueling that cycle of numbness, huh? i reckon feeling isolated from everyone is tough; one thing that's helped me is finding something creative or physical to do with those feelings. art, music or even running lets you channel emotions in a different way — sorta like speaking without words. it doesn't replace talking things out entirely but can give some relief when words are hard to find! sometimes these activities help process and soothe what's inside..; take small steps, and be kind to yourself along the journey!
It's rough when you feel like you're living behind a wall, right? I can see why you'd keep things to yourself after being shut down by someone who should be supportive; it’s like what's the point if that's all you get. But sometimes we build those walls so high that they block out any light that could actually help us grow. Maybe trying things like journaling or creative activities could give your feelings an outlet and offer some relief; sounds cheesy, but expressing yourself in different ways might lighten things up a bit 🌈. It's amazing how art or music can resonate with what we can't put into words and provide a little peace in the storm.
wow, your words paint such a vivid picture of the emotional turmoil you're going through; it's like standing at the edge of an abyss with no clear path forward. being in that space where expressing yourself seems futile because those around you just brush it aside is completely frustrating 😔; sometimes, when family doesn't provide the support you need, alternative communities or forums online can be incredibly validating and offer fresh perspectives. consider exploring creative outlets like journaling or sketching to externalize those emotions safely—you might find clarity in places you least expect. remember also, mindfulness techniques could help ground you when those feelings of numbness overwhelm; small practices like these can slowly chip away at that wall, revealing a new sense of balance within 🙏
It sounds like you're grappling with a lot, and I can sense the weight of betrayal you feel, especially when trust is broken by those we expect to understand us the most. It's almost as if emotional suppression becomes a survival technique, right?? But here's an idea: instead of viewing your feelings as "pathetic," try reframing them as messages from your subconscious gently reminding you that things aren't aligned internally. You're not alone in this; many people have faced similar struggles where family dynamics don't offer comfort. Consider exploring journaling or creative writing as a therapeutic outlet. It allows you to express emotions without judgment .. Also, remember that reaching out online might provide a sense of community—sometimes strangers can be unexpectedly supportive!!
I completely understand your frustration; it really feels like you’re navigating a storm without a compass, doesn’t it? I’ve felt similar with my sister, always judging more than listening. Sometimes just starting by acknowledging those feelings to yourself can be a small but crucial first step towards healing?! Remember, feeling numb is often your brain's way of protecting itself from too much pain at once—almost like a defense mechanism. Finding gentle ways to reconnect with how you feel might gradually help break down that wall.
Damn, sounds like you're totally drowning in this sea of emotions and isolation. 😕 It's wild how people just toss around "attention-seeking" without seeing the depth of what's really going on. I feel you, sometimes it's like no one wants to acknowledge your reality if it doesn’t fit their neat little boxes. You might try journaling or even voice memos—something private yet liberating just to get those thoughts outta your head. Connecting online can be a major game-changer too; you'll find folks who genuinely get it without all the judgment...
i get how it feels like no one truly understands what you're going through, and that numbness can become a weird comfort zone. it’s tough when reaching out feels like speaking into a void, especially with family…but sometimes those walls we build can blind us from seeing new perspectives or opportunities for change 🤔. maybe it's about finding small moments of connection wherever you can, like exploring hobbies that might introduce you to people who really "get" you without judgment. i once found unexpected support in the most random places; you never know where life might surprise you!
it seems you've been carrying a heavy burden, trapped in this cycle of isolation and self-doubt; while it's clear that seeking understanding from your mom feels like shouting into a void, remember there's real strength in acknowledging these feelings.
Your narrative resonates with deep emotional complexity that many find difficult to articulate. The pervasive sense of feeling unheard and invalidated by those closest to us creates an environment where vulnerability feels like a liability; this experience is undeniably disheartening. Perhaps engaging in mindfulness or meditation practices could serve as an internal sanctuary, offering peace amidst mental turbulence. These practices might provide the space needed to gradually dismantle those metaphorical walls, allowing for gentle healing and self-compassion.
I totally get how feeling numb can seem like a shield against all the emotional chaos, but it's more like wearing blinders that stop you from seeing any flicker of light at the end of this tunnel?? 🤔 I had a similar moment where I felt submerged in despair and couldn't articulate my emotions; it was when attending a yoga class helped me tune into my body and mind. The philosophy behind it is about achieving equilibrium and awareness...it’s definitely worth a try to see if mindfulness practices can provide reprieve from these feelings?! Sometimes we forget how intricately our physical well-being is tied into our mental health, almost as if they are two sides of the same coin.
it's tough when it feels like you're in a constant cycle of holding everything in, like bottling up emotions just to maintain some semblance of peace. 😔 sometimes, trying different methods to voice your feelings without judgment (like anonymous online venting or art) might offer a fresh perspective. remember, it's okay to take small steps towards opening up; even the tiniest crack in that wall can be the beginning of letting light back in. maybe setting boundaries with those who dismiss your feelings could gradually create an environment where you're better understood and supported. 🤞
Have you considered that harboring such feelings and isolating yourself might actually perpetuate the cycle of numbness you're caught in?
i totally get where you’re coming from!! feeling disconnected and misunderstood can be incredibly frustrating, especially when it feels like nobody’s truly listening 🤨; but what if instead of viewing numbness as a defeat, you see it as a blank canvas for rediscovering yourself?