I don’t know what’s wrong with me, please help?
The story
I’m a reallyyyy shallow person I feel like my feelings are fake and I know on some level that’s impossible but I always have no idea what is foing on with me and I’m scared to say anything about it aloud. Not because I think I have to deal with it alone but because it’s fickle and it’s gross I don’t like it I really don’t understand it.
I swear I can feel my forehead. and my head gets stuck in these hell spells where there is a thought that physically weighs on my brain it hurts and it won’t stop till it drills me into accepting or complying to its will even if I don’t agree with it. there is something swimming in my head it drives me crazy . As much as I joke about my forgetfulness forgetting so much is fucking awful bc, again, you know this, I know this, but it keeps happening anyway with any problem I have, I’ll lose my train of thought or I’ll forget details of how a situation played out in about a day. I’ll know on a surface level what happened but it’s like killll meee I can’t even be miserable without my dumbass intervening somehow
Dude I cant see anything that happens to me as bad afterwards it’s like ‘wow… that’s an event.’ but when people confirm so its like holy whiplash I wanna take back anything I said so fast because everything’s fine, it genuinely is sometimes but it’s not at the same time
Because if i stop thinking about it it’s gone and if i wear someone else’s skin, even just for a while, i won’t have that problem in the first place
I’m in this cycle where I hate living like this I hate me I hate everything, then it’s all perfect and I wonder why I had ever thought this way until it comes right back again. I cant do this anymore I swear it hurts too much this is killing me it is going to kill me one day
I wrote this slop sometime last night im fine again. it’s not explained well but I know it will only keep coming back (this is happening so often in the span of a week), any opinion appreciated im just lost. does anybody feel the same? does anybody know what is happening? does anybody know how to make it stop?
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Points of view
Hey there, I totally get where you're coming from, but you've really gotta cut yourself some slack. It sounds like you're on a rollercoaster of emotions, and while that can be super exhausting, it doesn't mean you're doomed or anything like that; it's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Everyone has moments where they feel like they're on top of the world, and the next they're hitting rock bottom. It's important to remember, though, that these swings don't define you or your worth.
I've noticed that you seem hard on yourself, saying things like you're a "shallow person" and that your feelings are "fake." Every emotion you experience, no matter how fleeting, is a real part of you! Maybe try to catch yourself in those moments of negativity and remind yourself that it's completely human to feel this way.
Also, I can't help but think that speaking to a professional might help clear the storm inside your head. A therapist could offer you the tools to dig deeper into why these feelings persist and help you find grounding strategies to ease your mind when it's racing. It's like what they say, "You can't pour from an empty cup," so make sure you're taking care of yourself first and foremost.
Hang in there, things do get better. You've got this!
honestly, what are you even talking about??? this doesn't make sense!!! your feelings aren't fake, but you're acting like they are; seems like you're not giving yourself any credit at all. self-awareness is key here, and it sounds like you're neglecting that completely. these mental "hell spells" you mentioned sound serious, maybe you do need to talk to a professional? but you're pretending like it's impossible to deal with!
the way you're forgetting things is concerning, yet you brush it off like it's no big deal??? memory issues can signal something more complex, and you're ignoring it; this is risky behavior. your perception of events changing doesn't mean everything's "fine". brushing things off is not a solution!
consider wearing "someone else’s skin"—what is that even supposed to mean??? escapism isn't a solution either; you're in denial, really. saying you hate everything and then it's all "perfect" shows inconsistency in your thought process. maybe tackle this issue with some consistency, huh??? the cycle won't stop if you keep shrugging it off like this. use some self-reflection, seriously.