I'm struggling with therapy
The story
Uh hi, hoping this will send? I'm Robbie (dw it's a nickname) and go by he/him.
I just realised I don’t trust my therapist anymore, if I ever did.
My parents sent me to therapy for my self destructive coping mechanisms June last year, and even then we never even adressed my coping mechanisms. She (my therapist) once asked awkwardly if I was still doing those, and I wasn’t at the time, so I said so, and now I never mention relapses.
I’m afraid to tell her I’m depressed again since I only got out years of depression this April (cause I got myself outta an ensmeshed traumatising friendship) so it’s bad for me to be depressed again, to still have bad thoughts,
I’m afraid my therapist will judge me, more than she does already when for example i mention I’m a positive nihilist,
and I mean therapy was useful until April cause I always vented about that “friendship” and that helped but it doesn’t help anymore when my therapist brings up H. (the past friend) these days, feels like im being retraumatised when I hear their name.
Guess I should be thankful I even got a trans accepting therapist in the first place, I mean it was my therapist who convinced my parents to accept me as trans after all these years of them not accepting it. Ugh idk.
These days each session my therapist asks me how I feel, I say “fine if a bit stressed” she asks how I’m feeling about H., I move on swiftly and move onto the subject of what school drama I’ve been involved in recently makes me angry, give that I’m finally able to feel anger as a emotion for the first time in my life nowadays.
And look, I lie a lot, and my therapist doesn’t realise, I’m sure she realises some of it, but not all, not when it matters, and yes i suppose i should stop lying but I fear her judgement so much.
So yeah, these days I feel like I'm back 3 years, meaning that I'm navigating my mental issues all on my own, and luckily I'm doing so in much healthier ways than i did three years back, But still, it's lonely, and it feels unfair to me that i have a therapist, one that Ive had a year and a half and yet I dont feel able to address actual issues with her anymore. I feel i havent been able to address any actual issues with her ever since I cut ties with H. I mean, Maybe i was never really talking about myself, I was always talking about H. back then, H. was my life, and I suppose I never learnt to actually talk about my issues after H.
And now every session therapy feels like a waste of time, as I'm lying half the time, and otherwise talking about mundane stuff that i just bitch to my friends about anyways. And my therapists office is so far, it takes about 3 hours from my day each time i have a session even when the sessions are only 1 hour. And I've got such paranoia and fear about wasting time because of some of that trauma involving having been enmeshed with H.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, sounds like you’re stuck in a loop with that therapist. If you're lying and not addressing what’s eating at you, it's like shooting blanks in therapy. Might be time to look into finding someone else who doesn't keep dragging H. into the conversation unless it’s actually helping—and respects when it's not useful anymore. Better to spend those three hours doing something productive than wasting them on sessions that don’t help, right?
Hi "Robbie"!
completely get how frustrating it can be to feel like you’re just going through the motions in therapy, especially when you've already made so much progress on your own; maybe it's about finding a therapist who clicks better with where you're at now..someone who's ready to help you face these new challenges and not keep revisiting past ones that hold you back.
sounds like you're stuck in a cycle that's not leading anywhere productive. if therapy's become about old baggage and isn't addressing your current struggles, maybe it's not the right fit anymore. why bother when it feels pointless and you can't open up without fear of judgment? plus those long trips sound like more hassle than they're worth for what you're getting out of it. consider exploring other options or even taking a break from formal therapy to reassess what you need; finding someone who actually listens to what's important now is key.
i get where you're coming from; it’s tough when the therapeutic relationship feels stagnant. sounds like you’re not getting what you need out of these sessions anymore, especially if they keep circling back to H. sometimes therapy needs a bit of a refresh—either by being more upfront with her about your current struggles or considering a different therapist who might bring new insight. three hours is a long time for something that’s no longer beneficial, maybe think about ways to maximize its value or redirect that time elsewhere.
maybe it's time to reevaluate the therapeutic alliance itself, robbie 🤔 since you're not feeling secure enough to disclose genuine concerns, the relationship could be fundamentally flawed; a strong therapeutic rapport is foundational for progress. while your therapist has been instrumental in some significant ways, ongoing therapy should be dynamic and evolve with your needs. stagnation is counterproductive. consider approaching this discussion with her—it may prompt change or help you confirm if new guidance would better serve your development. ultimately, taking ownership of what you need in therapy can empower you and catalyze transformation...
it appears you’re in a therapeutic stalemate that doesn’t align with your current emotional needs. it's critical to address the core issues rather than merely skirting around them or focusing on past relationships; have you considered whether this therapist is adept at handling the nuanced challenges you're currently facing? if therapy sessions aren’t conducive to genuine progress, seeking someone who is judicious and empathetic could make all the difference. perhaps evaluating other modalities or therapy styles might prove more fruitful and align better with your evolving state of mind????
i gotta say, it sounds like you're doing a lot of work on your own already, and maybe this therapist just isn't aligned with where you are right now; perhaps it's worth considering a fresh start with someone who gets that therapy should evolve as you do and who focuses on growth without dragging up old wounds.