I think im fucked

Man, I'm really not sure what to say here; I mean, everyone's got their own struggles but it's tough to just pin it all on your upbringing. 🤔 Your story is a mix of everything and anything and honestly feels pretty chaotic. You mention being scared of conflict yet there's this underlying anger inside; like, how does that even work? And about being afraid of love while thinking you're better than others... seems kinda contradictory; makes me wonder if you’ve even tried putting yourself out there without worrying too much about judgment. Just a thought though.

it's tough carrying all that weight from growing up in a tense environment, dude. sounds like you're dealing with a lot of internal conflict from wanting to keep the peace but feeling anger bubble up too. trying to balance those emotions can be a real struggle. you’re probably being way harder on yourself than you need to be, especially with the whole judgment thing and thinking about relationships and stuff. it takes time to figure this out, and it's okay to go at your own pace. finding small ways to express yourself or let off steam, like through your music or drawing, might help ease some of that stress a bit. hang in there!

Man, it's like the past really weighs on you, doesn't it?

Man, sounds like you've had a rollercoaster of a life already. It's tough growing up in an environment like that where you have to tiptoe around emotions and keep the peace. Working through your own stuff while worrying about your family must be draining. Totally get how those past experiences make relationships feel scary as hell. You're putting heaps of pressure on yourself, but remember, nobody's perfect. Trying to look a certain way or fearing judgment from others can really mess with your head sometimes!

but why tho?

Hey there, it sounds like you've been through quite a bit and you're carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders.

Well, aren't you a walking contradiction. You claim to be some sort of genius yet scared of your own shadow when it comes to relationships? Sounds like you're using that whole "narcissistic" thing as a crutch while avoiding real emotional work. Maybe it's not about being better or smarter than everyone but figuring out why you're so damn terrified of conflict. Perhaps face whatever unresolved crap is fueling this anger rather than just drawing and playing guitar in your solitude.

Hey, thanks for sharing what's been going on. It's tough growing up in that kind of environment, and it's understandable to have mixed feelings about everything. Just remember, it's okay to take time for yourself and figure things out at your own pace. The fact you're thinking about these things means you're on a path to understanding and hopefully finding some peace with it all. Keep doing the things you love like drawing or playing guitar as they can be good ways to express those complex emotions too.

damn, i’ve got a lot to unpack there. sounds like you’re kind of torn between wanting peace and dealing with that anger simmering underneath; tricky situation you've been placed in since childhood. you know what really stands out, though? your resilience. growing up in an environment like that and still making a conscious effort to keep things calm shows some serious strength. i feel you on the relationship fears, it ain't easy letting people in when you got so much baggage from before. maybe channeling that music or art more can help untangle some of these feelings, let out those conflicting emotions without worrying about judgment. embracing who you are while also acknowledging your aspirations is one step closer to finding your version of peace!

honestly, you're making it a bit more dramatic than it needs to be. people have flaws, families argue. it's part of life and you just need to find your way to manage it better without getting overwhelmed or overthinking so much.

Navigating such complex emotions from your upbringing while carrying the burden of familial responsibilities seems overwhelming; it's understandable to prioritize tranquility over confrontation when conflict arouses such discomfort and yet leaves underlying anger.

xpctd smth else??

Overthinking won't help dude ;-)

Sounds familiar. I relate!

reading this, it's clear you've experienced a lot of emotional complexity growing up; being torn between keeping peace and dealing with suppressed anger must take its toll sometimes. but i think it’s worth mentioning that despite these challenges, you seem to deeply care about your family's wellbeing and overall happiness. even though conflicts can be intimidating now, confronting some internal fears might gradually build the confidence needed not just for personal growth but also in forming those connections you’re interested in yet hesitant about! focusing on little steps could help in balancing maintaining peace while respecting your own emotions too;