I mean it’s in the title. I want to die. In fact, I almost did tonight but it’s too risky. Too soon. I wanted it to be planned out; I had already planned it out.

I wait till college where Im destined to be alone. It’s a perfect moment where I wouldn’t worry anyone or idk ruin anything. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m tired and I don’t want to be here. I’ve waited long enough and I have the urge to do it but I want it to be painless.

I want to remove myself as if I wasn’t there to begin with. I want no one to remember I had ever existed. I’ve spent my whole life in trauma and pain, I don’t want my last breath being in pain too.

I was thinking about overdosing. It’s quiet and simple; I have easy access and I can do it at night. No one will know unless I wake up or they attempt to wake me up. I don’t want to wake up.

Firstly, because I’ll be dealing with having to explain my thought process and most likely going to be sent to some mental hospital.

Secondly, there’s a chance I’d suffer from organ failure due to the overconsumption of pills.

The plan is a painless and easy death but the probability is unpredictable. I could die like I wanted or I could wake up and die later. I wanted to die in my bed, no where else. I’m comfortable there.

Idk what I’d get from writing this but if I don’t write it down somewhere, I might not be able to stop myself again.

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