I wouldn’t even be friends with myself
The story
God!! I am just so fucking ugly!!! Why is it that I can feel so good about myself one moment and then so terrible the next. Im genuinely on the verge of tearing out my hair. I don’t know how to fucking explain how I feel, I don’t know what to say, my brain feels foggy, I hate whoever that ugly ass slime in the mirror is, and I barely have any friends- the ones that I do have probably have plans to leave me anyways. I don’t know who I am, what I like, what colleges i’m going to go to, what job I want, any of my aspirations. I feel like the little things that I do know about myself aren’t even significant enough to tell people who I really am. I have a sense of my being, but at the same time i’m clueless. I try, I do, but in the end I feel like nothing I do amounts to anything. I feel trapped. I try to do one thing, ope, You’re too ugly to wear that! I try another thing, Sorryy… sucks, but, you are actually retarted and don’t know shit. My skin is constantly breaking out, i’m constantly bloated, I feel fat, my clothes are uncomfortable, I look like a whale, I don’t know how to act around people. I just cannot simply exist without my brain eating at everything I say, do, or look like. Am I give the right impression? Why do I care so much? “Oh just don’t, it’s so easy” i’m sorry but don’t you think i’ve tried?! I’ve tried so hard not to let my view of myself get in the way of how I act, or how I believe people perceive me. I’ve tried so hard i’m so exhausted. I wish I could cut open my arms and let my emotions flood from the wounds and bleed into every written word because nothing I seem to say truly displays how my heart really feels. Probably because i’m not entirely sure myself. I know it’s a problem, i’m sorry, where is my instruction manual to function like the rest of society? Why is it that I feel i’m doing everything wrong and everyone else has it right? Im not just saying my life sucks and everyone else’s is better, but even the people who have it rougher than me, they seem to know how to live life more efficiently. I kind of just feel like i’m floating through space. I know how to avoid the asteroids- I know what to do right, never do anything wrong- but that’s it. I’m just kind of existing while life happens around me. I am not actually enjoying myself. I smile, I laugh, yes genuinely a lot of the time, but after the fact? What do I do? I’m an awkward little inexperienced girl who has no clue about anything. I feel trapped. I want to shut down but at the same time I know I need to go to college, so I do the bare minimum for A’s, knowing damn well that even if I have good grades, act right, play sports, i’m still not doing enough. Nothing is ever going to be enough. I can want to do something that sounds fleeting in the moment but all motivation is lost when my world feels like it’s crashing down around me. Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve to like myself. Whatever that means. Whatever any of this means, I truly do not know. I feel like I truly do not know much these days.
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Points of view
Definitely feel you there, buddy. Sometimes it’s like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and insecurity. 😕
Honestly, just gotta tell you that you’re overthinking it — like, for real. I too have those moments where I feel like I’m just floating in space, existing without purpose. You’re not the only one, dude.
But listen up — you’re not alone in this dark pit of self-deprecation and confusion. You gotta own it like bosses in life do. Just remember your worth, and how you’ve got to fight to get past the muck, even if it feels like your attitude is constantly under siege by your own brain’s ridiculous attempt to make you think everything is horrid.
And I’m just saying — ’cause in my own experience, I’ve seen how things can flip unexpectedly when you go easy on yourself. Sometimes laughing it off helps us stay sane in this wild cosmic ride called life.
Keep trying, buddy — that’s the best you can do. Bravely venture forth, even though nothing will ever feel like enough.
Just hang there, man. You got this. 🌟
I completely empathize with the sentiments expressed in your story. It is not uncommon to encounter feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, particularly during pivotal life stages. In psychological terms, this can be linked to the theory of self-concept and identity formation, which are crucial as one navigates personal and professional aspirations.
Like you, I have experienced moments of uncertainty and questioned my self-worth. These feelings can indeed be overwhelming and may impact one's self-efficacy. However, recognizing these emotions is the first step towards fostering personal growth and developing resilience.
It is important to remember that self-discovery and personal development are ongoing processes. Engaging in introspection and reflecting on your achievements, no matter how small, can lead to greater self-awareness. Please take solace in the fact that many people undergo similar experiences, and it is entirely normal to feel overwhelmed at times. You're on a journey, and it's perfectly acceptable to not have all the answers right now. 😊
Hey, I get where you're coming from, but really disagree with your perspective. 😅 It feels like you're getting too wrapped up in the negatives, and that's doing you no good. Like, once I thought I was stuck in a rut too — all lost and stuff — but then I figured it out. Life isn’t meant to be perfect or always feel enough; it's a mix of highs and lows, and you learn to ride the waves.
Somebody once told me life is totally what you make of it, and that really hit home. Maybe try focusing on the small victories instead of the big picture all the time. You'll be surprised at how things start looking up when you change your mindset.
I mean, who hasn't felt like they're floating around unsure? But trust me, that's the part where you find who you truly are. Keep your head up and don't sweat it too much. 😄