Never Believed
The story
T.L.D.R. Hallucinations, inability to control certain parts of myself, extreme mood swings, SI/HI, and noone around me that would believe me or that I can trust to help me
I’m starting to get genuinely scared. My hallucinations (auditory+tactile) have been getting worse and clearer each day, and I can’t tell anyone about it. I have tried to set up appointments with a psychiatrist but I can’t set it up by myself. I can’t get my parents to help because they think I’m faking or over exaggerating or making excuses any time I try to talk about my mental health. Granted I can’t entirely know unless I actually tell them, but every time I bring up things that have been active road blocks, I get invalidated. Last time I told my dad it felt like he was invalidating me, he said he acknowledged I was struggling then just told me to suck it up again rather than, idk, actually caring ab it I guess? I try to tell him I can’t do certain things and he always, ALWAYS says I am victimizing myself and to stop saying I can’t, he doesn’t listen to me when I try to tell him. I use wording like “I can’t” for things to convey that it is not an active decision I am making, and all attempts to not be taken along for the ride have failed. I try and try to do things like keep up with basic hygiene, I set reminders, put it in my way, try to follow a schedule, and without fail after a couple of days everything falls apart. I’ve tried to explain that I lack a certain level of control over myself and body, I’ve literally talked about the meltdowns and full on crying I have had due to my inability to do certain things that I want to. My parents don’t know this and I don’t have the heart to tell them, but I have sometimes had such a strong mental block stopping me from getting out of bed that I have SH’ed due to it. I have such a lack of self esteem and such a large hatred for myself because I can’t fix my life and the people closest to me won’t listen when I try to convey that, and instead just think I’m not putting enough effort in. The craziest part is that my dad has been able to relate to me with things before, yet doesn’t seem to understand the extent of my problems, or can’t accept that I could have it worse. Plus there’s him just brushing my mood swings off as hormones. I know that hormones are a thing that can cause mood swings but for one, I’m almost 19 and I also don’t think hormones cause such extreme mood swings that I bounce from full on euphoria to complete depression with SI. I just don’t feel like I’m ever taken seriously by the people that I really want to. I wonder if it is because I’ve been able to hold a job since I graduated? Then there’s my issue with social anxiety, which I tried for the longest time as a kid to tell my parents that I had and instead what I heard wad that I didn’t and then was told of how bad my step mom had it and yet again invalidated. Another thing is that I genuinely feel like the only difference between me and someone that people would consider “insane” is that I haven’t acted out on anything. I have very frequent intrusive thoughts and HI, and while I would like to say that I know I won’t go through with anything, it’s another part of why I’m scared, because I’m not sure. I think about killing certain people and play through different scenarios in my head and I’ve realised that yes I would feel guilty because I took another person’s life away, but I wouldn’t feel remorseful or “care” necessarily. I genuinely need help but don’t really have anyone around me I can trust to talk about this stuff and actually get me the help I so desperately need.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
wow, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot. i'm not sure i totally get what's going on, but maybe your folks are just trying to push you out of your comfort zone a bit? 🤔 it's tough, but sometimes parents don't see things the way we do. gotta say, it might help to keep trying to talk it out with them. maybe find one friend or someone else to chat with? hang in there, hope you figure things out soon!
hey, honestly sounds like you're neck-deep in drama but maybe it's not as bad as you're making it??? my folks never understood my issues either, but i learned to pick my battles. sometimes we gotta suck it up, you know? yeah, struggling is hard, but controlling that narrative is on you; blaming parents for not getting it only goes so far. i get it, life's unfair, but if you can't convince them maybe try talking to someone who has a more objective perspective???? what's with the whole "no one to trust" vibe though? that's some serious isolation you're rocking. i was in a similar spot and resorted to talking to a school counselor; surprised me with some helpful insights. anyway, stay chill, don't let the mind play tricks.
wow, your situation sounds seriously tough, and i really feel for you. your folks definitely don't seem to get the depth of what you're facing, and it's frustrating, no doubt! 😒 having dealt with similar invalidation from my own family, i can totally relate to your predicament. social anxiety can be a real beast, especially when those around you brush it off like it’s nothing. ever considered recording these mood changes and tangible effects so they can see it firsthand? i'm curious why they think ignoring the problem will make it vanish? bottling this up ain't fair on you, and honestly, they need a wake-up call! hope someone starts hearing you out soon because you deserve some understanding and real support. hang tight; change might be around the corner.
man, that's rough, and honestly, i get why you're feeling stuck. seems like you're hitting a wall every time you try to reach out. been there too, where people just think it's “all in your head” or you're not trying hard enough. at least you've got some self-awareness, which means you know what you want! that's a big deal, dude. i've heard the phrase "fake it till you make it," and maybe that's what your dad is aiming for, but it doesn't help when you're drowning, right? 😕 ever thought about writing down your feelings or experiences and showing it to them? could be a way to get them to see it clearer. hold tight, things can turn around, usually when you least expect them.
hey, i hear you're having a tough time, but maybe it's not all your family's fault?? it can be hard for others to get it when they're not in your shoes 😕 maybe you're focusing too much on what they aren't doing instead of what you can do?? getting help is hard, but taking little steps might change things!! keep pushing, hope things get better for you!