What does sexual attraction feel like?
The story
I feel like I’ve been asking myself this question forever: what does sexual attraction feel like? People talk about it like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like it’s just there, obvious and unavoidable. But for me, it’s never been that way. I hear my friends talk about how “hot” someone is, how they’d love to get in bed with them, how their brain just goes there automatically. And I sit there, nodding along, pretending I get it, but I don’t. Like, I get attraction—I can look at someone and think they’re beautiful, handsome, interesting. I can even feel connected to someone emotionally, like I want to be close to them, to spend time with them, to be something with them. But that pull people describe, that physical craving, that feeling of just wanting someone in that way? I don’t think I’ve ever had that. And I don’t know if that’s normal, if I just haven’t met the right person yet, or if maybe… I’m just wired differently.
I’ve been reading a lot about asexuality lately, and part of me feels like it explains everything. But another part of me is terrified to accept it, because what if I’m wrong? What if I just haven’t unlocked that part of myself yet? What if I’m just a late bloomer and one day it’ll all make sense? I don’t want to label myself too soon and then realize later that I do feel it, that I just hadn’t experienced it yet. But at the same time, how long am I supposed to wait? How long do I keep pretending I understand something that, for me, has never been real? And then there’s the fear of what that means for my future. If I am asexual, does that mean I’ll never find love? Will people see me as broken? Will I always feel like I’m missing some huge, important part of being human? It’s overwhelming. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know when—or if—I ever will. All I know is that I don’t feel the way most people seem to. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s just who I am. But right now? Right now, I just wish I knew for sure... 😥
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Hey, I totally get where you're coming from, and I think it's super valid to question these things—because 'the unexamined life is not worth living,' right?
It’s great that you’re exploring asexuality because it might just be the key to understanding yourself better. Someone once said that society often puts people in boxes, but honestly, everyone is on their own journey, and you don’t need to rush or label anything just yet.
Maybe you’ll find that special connection in your own time and in your own way—and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re not broken, and love isn’t just about physical attraction. Emotional bonding is just as important. 😌
Basically, just take your time to learn about yourself and know that you’re not alone in feeling this way—there are others out there who feel the same.
it’s not easy to describe :o
it's quite understandable that you're grappling with such profound questions about your identity and what sexual attraction means for you. while many people perceive these feelings as automatic, it's certainly valid to experience them differently. society often prescribes certain norms regarding attraction, but it's essential to recognize that everyone's experiences are unique; the journey to understanding oneself is different for each individual. it's commendable that you're seeking to explore asexuality as a possible explanation for your feelings. taking the time to understand your emotions without pressure is a wise approach. you'll find that love and relationships are multifaceted and not solely defined by physical attraction. it's important to remain open-minded to all possibilities as you navigate this journey, and know that you're not alone in your exploration.
honestly, i kind of feel like you're overanalyzing this whole attraction thing, maybe?! for most people, it's just about neurotransmitter responses and natural instincts doing their thing. sure, the whole concept of asexuality is gaining traction, but it feels to me a bit like you're jumping on a bandwagon. i remember back in college, my biology prof always said sexual attraction is as basic as the fight-or-flight response. if that's true, it's hard to grasp how someone could not feel it at all. perhaps, in your case, it's about exposure or maybe something psychosocial?? when my friends and i would chat about who we found attractive, it often came down to context and familiarity with those feelings over time. while i'm not dismissing your experience, i gotta say, it seems like maybe, with time and experience, your perspective might change. have you tried different dating contexts or speaking to more people about it? just tossing some ideas around. 🤔