i dunno what's been going on with me lately, but it feels like im living in this weird dream state most of the time. like i'll be sitting in an important work meeting and suddenly it hits me: i'm not really here. it's like I'm watching myself from a distance, wondering why i can't just make myself focus, you know? it's not even deliberate daydreaming or zoning out, it's more like my mind is pulling away without asking for permission. freaks me out quite a bit tbh.

Anyway, i've tried explaining this to one of my friends and they just said "maybe you need a vacation or something." I mean, maybe they're right, but it feels deeper than that? sometimes when i'm in these meetings and i try to engage in what's being discussed, it's as if the words sound muffled and don't fully register. almost like i'm listening from behind a thick wall;

Also i sometimes wonder if i'm the only one who experiences this constantly. I read somewhere that dissociation can be tied to anxiety or stress but can also just happen randomly (go figure). I've always considered myself laid-back (at least outwardly) but inside my head's a whole other story. Like i'll catch parts of convos and have fleeting thoughts about whether i forgot to send an email or sign off on some report; priorities are jumbled up real good. 😂

Maybe it's cause before all this wfh stuff started back whenever that was (losing track at this point), had no problem focusing better during face-to-face interaction where body language and presence sort things out subconsciously more easily vs now everything seems distant through screens). either way... guess what i'm saying is while pushing through these meetings trying silently screaming internally hoping one day might snap back into reality permanently rather than intermittently.

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