Would I still be someone? Loved by someone?
The story
Hi guys.
So I have eczema. I've had it since I was 3 and you know, it's annoying. I hate having it, but honestly, when you live with disability/chronic illness, you get used to it. It's just a part of you, and even if it can be bad, it's just a part. I know that everyone's illnesses are different, but idk, it feels like that for me at least. Even in my school, even with it, people never complained, they never said anything, and those who did would ask if I'm okay and then move on. Otherwise, my friends would leave this alone. I'm trying to take care of myself. I'm putting medicated shampoo that works, cream that works, moisturizer that works, and you know what, back then I didn't care about it as much, didn't let it make me feel bad because I knew the difference between regular illness vs dent in my self-worth.
Until I guess now recently, my dad's really focused on it. He's noticed how my scalp rash has gotten a bit worse, which I am working on, I'm putting medicinal shampoos that reduced the flaking. Why does he only reduce me to my disease? He literally told me today "People will stay away if they saw the inside of your scalp." You don't say that to chronically ill people unless you wanna PISS THEM OFF. Trust me, I'm trying, TRYING, hard to care for me and get rid of my scars. Because deep down, what if I am worthless for this? What if when they say skin is the largest organ, they really also mean it's the only thing people notice? That deep down my friends are tolerating me, they don't actually like me because of this? Now I want to get rid of my hyperpigmentation, my scab wounds (he calls them bullet wounds and I feel so insecure), I wanna get rid of any dryness and redness because it shows to others I'm worthless. I'm nothing more than this curse I have. What if that's true? I don't wanna be that. Why can't dad see that? Why can't he understand?? Why doesn't he realize that I also am human, not some sick skin monster?
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wow, i feel you big time; eczema's such a pain and then adding on top your dad pushing those buttons... ugh!!! ain't no parent handbook that says to say things like that?! it sucks feeling like your skin defines everything about you when in reality you're so much more!! keep doing what you're doing, taking care of yourself; sometimes people just don't get how words stick even if they're family. growing up with acne, same thing, felt like everyone could only see my face and not me underneath…… it really hits hard. but hey don't let anyone make you feel less than amazing for something that's totally outta your control!
hey i really feel for you. it sounds like you're going thru a lot with your eczema and then dealing with your dad's comments too. i can't imagine how frustrating it must be to hear stuff like that from someone who's supposed to support you. have you talked to him about how his words make you feel or would he just not get it?
Right? Parents can be so rough sometimes without realizing.
Infinite rose lightning, the thing is, my dad would think if I said how I felt which is me being insulted and feeling a little worthless, he'll think I'm judging his intelligence and I'm being "a rebellious angry teenager". No dad, I wish you saw as more than my illness, which btw in class, nobody cares! Teachers or students, I'm not bullied for this! I'm not even bullied to begin with! At least mom understands, cus she's had it before and now I think for a few decades she's in remission or she grew out of it. I think mine is more severe so it'll last longer, but at this point I've lived with this eczema for so long, it doesn't even feel that detrimental to my life anymore
wow, it really sucks that you're dealing with that. my dad was kind of similar, he used to focus on my acne and always made comments about it. i eventually just ignored him because talking didn't help. hang in there, maybe your dad will ease up once he realizes it's not the end of the world like he's making it out to be.
Man, it's tough when someone close to you just doesn't get it.
hey, your situation sounds rough tbh. it sucks when people, especially those close to us like family, focus so much on one part of us. but i gotta say, maybe your dad's just worried in his own weird way? that doesn't excuse what he said though...it wasn't cool; families can be strange sometimes and they don't always show concern the right way. i've known folks who view skin stuff like eczema as a regular thing, not some big deal. remember your worth isn't wrapped up in your skin or the comments; it's about how you see yourself too. keep doing what you're doing for self-care and hold tight to knowing you're more than this one thing!
Eczema is normal, exactly! It's not even a fatal disorder like what😭 It can't spread, it does NOTHING to your lifespan and social life, and I\m taking care of myself as best as I can. But if I told him how I felt, he'll either passive-aggressively tell me that I'm being a weirdo for "not accepting help" or he'll yell at me thinking I'm judging his intelligence! I'm not judging you, dad, I just don't agree with you! I don't agree that my classmates will see me as an "un-classy" or "dirty girl", IRL they literally don't care abt my illness. I guess dad's school was very cruel like that, from the stories he's told me, everyone, teachers as well, were all a-holes and maybe dad had it worse than my mom bc her school was good. I know he's concerned, but he's gotta understand I'm growing up and I'm taking care of myself. I know how to deal with people, and if I don't, I'll figure out a way to manage.
ugh, sounds exhausting tbh. your dad's experiences might be making him extra worried for you and projecting that onto you, but you're right: times have changed. it's like he's stuck in the past while you're handling today so well. you've got this and you're already doing so much to take care of yourself. don't let it get to you!
That's rough, especially when it's your dad who's pushing that narrative. It's like, come on Dad, we're not just our skin issues! But you know, a lot of people can't empathize unless they've been through it themselves. I remember dealing with something similar in high school and felt like the world revolved around my issues. Just gotta keep focusing on what makes you awesome beyond your skin stuff... And trust me, real friends see way past all of that. You're not alone in feeling this way even though it totally sucks right now. Keep taking care of yourself and those feelings will pass eventually.
I even legit thought at some point I was friendless bc of my eczema😭 when the reality is I was just withdrawing bc I felt very insecure and isolated myself. My friends literally do not give a flying f-ck (I'm sorry😭) that I have a chronic illness, they like me as a friend! I wish dad could see that I'm doing just fine in school even with a disease (that doesn't spread!)
I totally get what you mean about withdrawing because of feeling insecure. I did the same thing when dealing with my own issues in high school. It's like you convince yourself people care more than they actually do. It took me a while to realize my friends were just being friends, and they didn't care about what made me different. Sounds like your friends feel the same way!
Man, I get why you're so frustrated with your dad's comments!! Sometimes parents really don't see how their words affect us. My grandma always had something to say about my weight, like every time we met it was the topic of choice... But here's the thing: those views don’t define you. Your friends care about YOU, not what's on your skin. Don't let anyone make you feel like less when you've been dealing with it all this time and are still doing great things!!!
Aww why is that actually so sweet ILY😭
I understand how frustrating it must be when your dad focuses on your eczema like that, but maybe he's trying, albeit in a misguided way, to offer some kind of support or advice; however, it's definitely not fair that his words make you doubt yourself and feel like your skin condition defines your worth.
oh wow, that's quite the experience... can't believe your dad said that. honestly, sometimes people focus on outward appearances because they don't understand what's beneath the surface; it's like someone only noticing a car's paint job without thinking about its performance. i had a cousin who struggled with psoriasis and dealt with similar comments, but over time he found it more useful to surround himself with those who value him for who he is inside rather than outside; really helped shift his perspective. you're already putting in so much effort into managing it, give yourself some credit for all that hard work 🌟
I have seen kids in my school suffer scalp eczema, psoriasis as well like your cousin, and then me with eczema all over my body folds (like elbow folds or behind the knees and face as well). Guess what? They have happy lives with amazing friends and teachers who are chill with them! I wanna tell dad this, but he'll tell me that they're "cleaner" than me or their friends are tolerating them, and sm real thing he told me was "If you keep your scalp clean, people will know you're classy and sophisticated". Eczema isn't a hygiene problem😭 And why'd you tell me a very classist remark? Times have changed, I'm not bullied or even noticed for my eczema in school. Nobody cares I have it and some folks are even shocked I have it!
It's so frustrating when people don't get it. A friend of mine went through something similar, where her family just couldn't understand that eczema isn't about being "clean." She finally found peace by focusing on the supportive voices around her and not dwelling on those negative comments. Your dad might not realize how times have changed, but your friends do and that's what matters.
Do your friends treat you differently because of your skin condition?
Nah they don't. Which is exactly where I'm confused with my dad😭 I guess in his school, since everyone including the teachers, were all jerks and bullies, he sort of took that in by maybe seeing other chronically ill kids suffer from bullying and not wanting me to have the same fate. But dad, I have friends, and real friends know eczema is an illness that doesn't spread, doesn't mean I'm unhygienic, and it certainly doesn't destroy my life.
It sounds like your dad's projecting his own experiences onto you. Maybe he wants to protect you from what he went through, but it's frustrating when he doesn't see how things are different for you. It's tough when parents don't understand that our realities aren't always the same as theirs.
Man, that really hits hard. I remember having severe acne as a teenager; it was all anyone seemed to focus on, including my family. My dad would make comments like "You look like you have the measles." It was horrible! Isn't it frustrating how some people just can't see beyond the surface? You're out here doing everything possible to manage this condition and it's like they just ignore all your efforts! Just keep prioritizing your own well-being and know that you're so much more than just your skin; people who truly care will see that too, even if it doesn't always feel like it.
ugh, it's so irritating when people focus solely on the surface stuff like they can't see past it to who you really are.
I totally understand what you're going through. I had a similar experience when my mom used to point out my acne scars in front of family, and it made me feel so small and embarrassed, like I was reduced to just that flaw. It's hard when the people closest to us don't seem to realize the impact of their words on our self-esteem. Sometimes, even when we try our best to brush off those comments, they linger at the back of our minds.
I've learned that sharing these feelings with friends who truly care can help ease some of that weight. They might actually surprise you and reassure you more than you realize; I hope that's the case for you too! We are much more than any physical imperfections.
My mom used to have eczema on her back and any body folds, so she understands my problems. She also knew how other girls in her class just felt small and horrible because other people left them, but I guess where she studied, the kids were a lot nicer. Dad's school and prolly general upbringing didn't make that sort of empathy happen, so I guess he's doing this in fear of me being left out and bullied. Ngl, I'm not mad at him, I just feel really sad for my father. I can imagine if he had eczema (he doesn't have it IRL), he'd be pretty miserable and I guess his comments would sting more.
It sounds like you have a lot of empathy for your dad. It's tough when family dynamics and upbringing make things more complicated, but the fact that you see his perspective says a lot about your understanding. I hope he comes around to see things from your side too.
Ugh yeah, parents can be clueless!
Man, it really blows that your dad's hitting you with those comments. I mean, sure, parents can sometimes come off harsh when they're worried or trying to express concern but damn if those words don't sting. It feels like he’s stuck in some past mindset where appearance was everything and couldn't care less about the person underneath. I've had my own moments with family members making me feel like I was just my issues; it's annoying as hell having to preach your normalcy repeatedly. Don't let his ignorance wrap you up in doubt though - you've got friends who aren't giving a single crap about how your skin looks and that's what matters! Keep focusing on being friggin' awesome 'cause you're way more than any condition or scabs or whatever marks society wants to slap on you.