Hi guys.

So I have eczema. I've had it since I was 3 and you know, it's annoying. I hate having it, but honestly, when you live with disability/chronic illness, you get used to it. It's just a part of you, and even if it can be bad, it's just a part. I know that everyone's illnesses are different, but idk, it feels like that for me at least. Even in my school, even with it, people never complained, they never said anything, and those who did would ask if I'm okay and then move on. Otherwise, my friends would leave this alone. I'm trying to take care of myself. I'm putting medicated shampoo that works, cream that works, moisturizer that works, and you know what, back then I didn't care about it as much, didn't let it make me feel bad because I knew the difference between regular illness vs dent in my self-worth.

Until I guess now recently, my dad's really focused on it. He's noticed how my scalp rash has gotten a bit worse, which I am working on, I'm putting medicinal shampoos that reduced the flaking. Why does he only reduce me to my disease? He literally told me today "People will stay away if they saw the inside of your scalp." You don't say that to chronically ill people unless you wanna PISS THEM OFF. Trust me, I'm trying, TRYING, hard to care for me and get rid of my scars. Because deep down, what if I am worthless for this? What if when they say skin is the largest organ, they really also mean it's the only thing people notice? That deep down my friends are tolerating me, they don't actually like me because of this? Now I want to get rid of my hyperpigmentation, my scab wounds (he calls them bullet wounds and I feel so insecure), I wanna get rid of any dryness and redness because it shows to others I'm worthless. I'm nothing more than this curse I have. What if that's true? I don't wanna be that. Why can't dad see that? Why can't he understand?? Why doesn't he realize that I also am human, not some sick skin monster?

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