Crying for help but also pushing others away
The story
I struggle with social norms and over the years I have also become angrier and more selfish, with episodes of feeling hollow inside.
I always struggled with social norms - especially when it came to small talk and other niceties with family and friends. I always chalked it away to “I don’t contribute unless I have input”.
However, I was always someone who put others before myself, to the point where I started believing that I didn’t deserve good things for myself. I found a partner who helped me rethink that, and helped me learn to love myself more.
However, as I started to embrace self-love and pursuing my passions, I find it hard to strike a balance between wanting to be there for myself but also being there for others especially my partner. I got angry when I had to devote time and attention to others, thinking that I had finite time left on this earth to do what I wanted to (context: have been a working adult for 5 years at this point). I felt like they didn’t understand me (ironic cos I struggle with communicating my needs so how would they know lol).
What used to be struggling with social norms soon became apathy - I felt like I didn’t care about remembering an aunt’s name or visiting my partner’s hospitalised father. Some might say these are expectations while others disagree, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I know I started becoming more apathetic towards anything but myself (though I still try very hard to show up for others.
One day it got so bad that I rationalised with myself that breaking up with my partner or losing important people in my life was okay.
I even looked up neurological / psychological conditions cos it felt like I was regressing to my childhood at some point because it’s my safe space. It’s very worrying because I know a part of me truly cares for and loves others, but can’t strike the balance between caring for myself and for others. My therapist told me that I had built such strong walls and paradigms over the years that I’m somehow self-sabotaging I.e. by crying for help while also pushing people away or being okay with losing my loved ones because I was always alone as a child anyway.
Perhaps a part of me still doesn’t believe that I deserve to be happy, and is wrestling with this impostor syndrome while the positive part of me is desperately trying to fight back. Maybe I still lack maturity. Or maybe I’m just not a good person.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
hey, i gotta say, you’re being pretty hard on yourself. it’s kinda wild how we mix up self-love with selfishness sometimes, but honestly, everyone struggles to find that sweet spot where you can take care of yourself without feeling guilty about not always being there for others. 🤔 life is all about learning and growing, so maybe it’s not really about being a “good” or “bad” person but more about figuring out how to balance what works for you and those around you. remember that it's perfectly okay to have these ups and downs; just like the legend said, "this too shall pass." keep working with your therapist and stay open to exploring what makes you thrive!
totally get where you’re coming from. it’s tough when self-care starts feeling like selfishness, right? i sometimes feel the same tug-of-war between wanting my own space and being there for others. maybe it's about finding small moments to connect without losing yourself in the process. only thing i'd say is, don’t beat yourself up too much; everyone’s kind of trying to figure out this balance at their own pace 😕 keep giving yourself grace! you deserve it!
You know, I totally hear you on feeling conflicted between self-love and responsibilities towards others. It’s a real challenge to balance taking care of yourself while being present for those who matter to you.... But let me share this: sometimes we need those moments of backing off to truly understand what we value and prioritize in our lives!
So give yourself a break and trust that clarity will find its way through all this muddle... it's like peeling layers off an onion till you get to the core!
Whoa, sounds like you're going through a lot and I can see how all these conflicting emotions would be exhausting. It's not uncommon to feel torn between self-care and being there for others, but maybe thinking about balance as more of a dance than a struggle might help? Sometimes it's about adapting and adjusting with the rhythm rather than fighting it. You’re already doing some introspection work which is great! just keep tapping into that self-awareness to find what resonates with you! You're on your way, even if it doesn’t always feel like it!!!
It seems like you're wrestling with a classic case of cognitive dissonance; you want to care for others but also prioritize yourself. You mention that it feels like regressing to childhood as a safe space, which might suggest unresolved issues from your youth are influencing your current behavior. 🤔 It's not all about maturity or good versus bad person! maybe consider exploring these underlying feelings further with your therapist. It could be illuminating to revisit and reprocess past experiences for better insight into your present struggles.
You know, it really sounds like you're on this amazing journey of self-discovery, and even though it's super challenging to juggle self-love with commitments to others, maybe it's about finding tiny pockets of joy in everyday life that ground you.
you know, it's kind of wild how you're caught up in this tug-of-war between self-care and social expectations. ever thought it might be more about finding that middle ground where you don’t lose yourself or alienate others??? i mean, these internal conflicts are tricky: like you’re stuck in some psychological loop of “i should help out” vs. “but what about me”. maybe the issue is deeper... like your past experiences shaped an underlying fear of letting people in too close? 🤔 sounds like reflection and therapy could help break that cycle over time, not overnight tho! pushing through those walls doesn’t make you a bad person: it’s just part of growth and gaining perspective on what's genuinely important.
I find the struggle you describe between self-care and social obligations quite perplexing; it's almost like a paradox. 🤔 While your therapist's observations about self-sabotage resonate with psychological literature, I question whether your introspection might be fixating on absolutes instead of embracing the complexity of human emotions and relationships. You may want to consider that what you're experiencing is not just a lack of maturity or an indicator of moral inadequacy but rather part of being authentically human!
Hey, it sounds like you’ve been wrestling with some heavy stuff. I can relate to feeling caught between what you want for yourself and what others expect from you; self-love is a journey, not a destination! Maybe instead of seeing relationships as time taken from your "limited earth time," try thinking of them as enriching experiences that actually add value to your life. Sometimes creating boundaries can help shift focus without losing touch. And believe me, finding that balance (or even just trying) is already a sign of growth! Consider creating little rituals or traditions that keep you connected to loved ones while still holding space for yourself. You’re on the right track; trust the process!
Man, I gotta say, it sounds like you're in a bit of an emotional whirlwind; juggling self-appreciation and societal expectations isn't easy. You're not alone in this struggle, though. I've been there too (feeling like I'm either giving too much or not enough) but let me tell you, it's all about pacing yourself! One thing that's helped me is focusing on setting boundaries without feeling guilty about it; it's crucial for cementing your mental peace while still being available for others when you can. Maybe trying to break down the walls that self-sabotage built should be a marathon, not a sprint. Keep pushing through man, you'll figure out what's right for you 😉
you've really laid it all out there, and i gotta say, it's like walking a tightrope trying to navigate between self-care and commitments; it can feel like you're constantly swaying side to side. you're not alone in feeling this inner turmoil or questioning your own nature!
man, i totally feel you on the social norms thing and feeling hollow; it's like you're stuck between wanting to be there for others and just needing to do you, ya know? 😕 having those episodes where you're angry or selfish could be your mind's way of shouting for help... maybe that's not a bad thing but a wake-up call? have you considered if this apathy might actually be some sort of burnout from trying too hard to satisfy everyone else's expectations while neglecting your own needs... balance is tricky, huh?
your journey really resonates with me.. i too have wrestled with balancing self-care and social obligations. it seems like you're navigating a complex emotional landscape, trying to reconcile those old walls with new growth. have you tried focusing on ways your interests can align naturally with social engagements? sometimes finding shared activities or goals can help bridge the gap between personal fulfillment and being present for others. it's all about finding what works uniquely for you, so embrace the process! 😊
it's clear you're navigating a sea of emotional turbulence, but don't beat yourself up thinking it's about being immature or a "bad person". the struggle between self-care and social obligations is like trying to balance on a tightrope; it ain't easy. one thing that might help is viewing your relationships not as burdens but as potential sources of support when you’re feeling overwhelmed. remember, you don’t have to face this alone, and opening up to your partner or loved ones could foster mutual understanding and empathy. perhaps focusing on communication skills will aid in expressing needs more effectively; it'll pay off in the long run. hang in there 🙂