Struggling with a difficult phase, I'm sitting down to share something that's been troubling me lately. Over the past several months, I've found myself grappling with an increasingly negative outlook towards my romantic life, particularly around my challenges in finding a girlfriend. Initially, I chalked up my lack of success to bad luck or just being in a slump. But as time passed, the rejections piled up, and I had to fight harder against some toxic thoughts creeping into my mind.

The tipping point for me was when someone I had grown close to over about nine months rejected my romantic advances just because of my hair color. Her exact words were something akin to, "You're a great friend, but I'm just not attracted to your hair." This rejection based on something so superficial was a new kind of pain, especially since she and I shared a deep connection otherwise.

Seeing other men, who didn’t treat women well, face no repercussions in social settings like clubs further messed with my head. This observation seemed to validate the unjust world view I was trying to resist, which some call the 'chad' mindset - where seemingly unkind or arrogant men appear to succeed effortlessly with women.

This struggle came to a head recently when a friend’s girlfriend organized a group trip that included me and one of her single friends. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to meet someone new in a less pressured setting. However, inconsistencies in her availability – being free one day and not the next – left me feeling frustrated and jilted yet again.

I am actively trying to better myself – hitting the gym, focusing on advancing my career, and reconnecting with sports to regain my old form. Despite these efforts, my confidence is shaky, and the fear of spiraling into an 'incel' mindset – where one blames women for their romantic failures – haunts me.

Imagining myself in a reality show discussing these issues, I wonder how it would be perceived. Would the audience empathize with my struggle, or would they judge me for these creeping negative thoughts? It’s a risky exposure that could either garner support or backlash, reflecting the polarized views of society on such matters.

If anyone out there has overcome similar hurdles or can offer perspective, your guidance would be invaluable right now.

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