Today's story is about a girl named Sam. It's a real story. I cried my eyes out before being able to write it. For her, I do it. Idk how that helps, but maybe, idk. She deserves people to know about her. I'd met her when I was 14 initially.

Sam and I were the children of really bad folks. I mean worse than you can imagine, unless you've seen some really grotesque violence. I don't mean bar room fights either. I mean pimps, I mean rapes and murders before your very eyes.

I was meant to join the family business- business was selling. Drugs, girls, anything. But I had this stupid problem with me, whereas my kin were ruthless dogs I actually had a heart and couldn't bring myself to do.. like any of what they asked of me. I wasn't someone who got a laugh or pleasure from hitting someone. I wasn't someone who enjoyed the vices around me I'll just say that. I also wasn't the only kid there you see.

There were others. John, Koa. Both dead now, both too fucked up to go on. Did themselves in. Broken like every other kid in that home. A collection of homes really, all fucked up and in it together. That's where I met Samantha. Beautiful, timid and sweet. I'd already gone through some shit. I'll only say the shit I'm implying left me barely able to even partake in any intercoms without feeling completely reviled nowadays. Yeah, sucks.

Sam was a girl so naturally she had planned uses. Use your imagination. It's disgusting but that's the environment we grew up in. I had a corner like she did. We were all forced to sleep in the living room bc of our attempts to run away, myself included.

We slept across from each other. I used to hear her crying at night. After yk. Guys did their thing.. God damn this fucking planet, damn it to fucking hell. I'm choking up again. I hate our species.

Heard her at night. Eventually It broke me down so bad I couldn't help but try to comfort her. I'd bring her water or snacks or anything. Sometimes she asked me to lay with her. At first, just next to her. She refused to let anyone touch her, who the hell could blame her. I myself was happy to have a friend. Someone who knew, who understood the hell. Someone broken like me. Fuck this.. fuck this bro.

Eventually a little time went on. She and I would talk about almost normal things. Course we still had to keep up appearances at school but even that didn't last forever, Eventually we couldn't hide the bruises. That and well. We barely went anyw.

We got a little slack on the leash by our owners, I won't call them parents bc God knows the only thing they did in that field is create us. They let us walk the trail around our school, across from where we lived. We'd just lay in the leaves. Talk. Cuddle up. We got sorta close yk, naturally. And then she died. Some fucking coward. Some fucking piece of shit scum, useless meat had his way. Got her.. high. She OD'd. He left her on a couch in an alley... I'm so angry rn. I want that mother fucker dead. He's rotting in prison the fuckin scum. And here I am. Still remembering. Still remembering. I can't even tell if this makes any sense the way I wrote it. Needed it out of my head.

I dont know how exactly I felt for her but I did love her. Make sense? It was love of some kind. She was 16 when she died. 16!!! We used to wonder if we'd make it this far. I'm 27 soon. Only two of us kids from that house left alive. Law came and did its justice- which is to say, not really. Most of the scum got killed by other scum in gang wars anyhow. Good riddance. It's been a life bud. Sometimes I can't believe it. I can't believe I've made it here with some semblance of sanity and moral code. I say some bc I am definitely fucked up. I can hide it, I can pretend, but ain't nobody sees me when I wake up screaming or fighting, like some animal..Ain't nobody know. And ofc I can hardly write anything coherently. I doubt this makes any sense, but whatever. All I do is keep it to myself. I see her face still. Green eyes, greenish blue almost. I see it and it breaks me. Oh man. That smile she had. God forgive me for living when you didn't God forgive

me

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