Fuck it, let it out
The story
Today's story is about a girl named Sam. It's a real story. I cried my eyes out before being able to write it. For her, I do it. Idk how that helps, but maybe, idk. She deserves people to know about her. I'd met her when I was 14 initially.
Sam and I were the children of really bad folks. I mean worse than you can imagine, unless you've seen some really grotesque violence. I don't mean bar room fights either. I mean pimps, I mean rapes and murders before your very eyes.
I was meant to join the family business- business was selling. Drugs, girls, anything. But I had this stupid problem with me, whereas my kin were ruthless dogs I actually had a heart and couldn't bring myself to do.. like any of what they asked of me. I wasn't someone who got a laugh or pleasure from hitting someone. I wasn't someone who enjoyed the vices around me I'll just say that. I also wasn't the only kid there you see.
There were others. John, Koa. Both dead now, both too fucked up to go on. Did themselves in. Broken like every other kid in that home. A collection of homes really, all fucked up and in it together. That's where I met Samantha. Beautiful, timid and sweet. I'd already gone through some shit. I'll only say the shit I'm implying left me barely able to even partake in any intercoms without feeling completely reviled nowadays. Yeah, sucks.
Sam was a girl so naturally she had planned uses. Use your imagination. It's disgusting but that's the environment we grew up in. I had a corner like she did. We were all forced to sleep in the living room bc of our attempts to run away, myself included.
We slept across from each other. I used to hear her crying at night. After yk. Guys did their thing.. God damn this fucking planet, damn it to fucking hell. I'm choking up again. I hate our species.
Heard her at night. Eventually It broke me down so bad I couldn't help but try to comfort her. I'd bring her water or snacks or anything. Sometimes she asked me to lay with her. At first, just next to her. She refused to let anyone touch her, who the hell could blame her. I myself was happy to have a friend. Someone who knew, who understood the hell. Someone broken like me. Fuck this.. fuck this bro.
Eventually a little time went on. She and I would talk about almost normal things. Course we still had to keep up appearances at school but even that didn't last forever, Eventually we couldn't hide the bruises. That and well. We barely went anyw.
We got a little slack on the leash by our owners, I won't call them parents bc God knows the only thing they did in that field is create us. They let us walk the trail around our school, across from where we lived. We'd just lay in the leaves. Talk. Cuddle up. We got sorta close yk, naturally. And then she died. Some fucking coward. Some fucking piece of shit scum, useless meat had his way. Got her.. high. She OD'd. He left her on a couch in an alley... I'm so angry rn. I want that mother fucker dead. He's rotting in prison the fuckin scum. And here I am. Still remembering. Still remembering. I can't even tell if this makes any sense the way I wrote it. Needed it out of my head.
I dont know how exactly I felt for her but I did love her. Make sense? It was love of some kind. She was 16 when she died. 16!!! We used to wonder if we'd make it this far. I'm 27 soon. Only two of us kids from that house left alive. Law came and did its justice- which is to say, not really. Most of the scum got killed by other scum in gang wars anyhow. Good riddance. It's been a life bud. Sometimes I can't believe it. I can't believe I've made it here with some semblance of sanity and moral code. I say some bc I am definitely fucked up. I can hide it, I can pretend, but ain't nobody sees me when I wake up screaming or fighting, like some animal..Ain't nobody know. And ofc I can hardly write anything coherently. I doubt this makes any sense, but whatever. All I do is keep it to myself. I see her face still. Green eyes, greenish blue almost. I see it and it breaks me. Oh man. That smile she had. God forgive me for living when you didn't God forgive
me
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, reading your story left a lump in my throat. It's mind-blowing how some people are forced into these traumatic worlds and yet somehow crawl out on the other side. It really takes a certain kind of strength to keep going after experiencing such profound loss and tragedy like you did with Sam. I get it, you carry that weight and those memories every day like heavy shackles around your heart. But even amidst all the chaos, there's something impressive about surviving against all odds. The fact you're here sharing this speaks volumes about your resilience! Keep fighting through the darkness, man; your voice matters even when it feels like nobody's listening.
it's tough reading stories like this because as much as i want to feel for sam, part of me wonders about other sides we're not hearing.
Good thing nobody asked you
Okay, noted. Carry on, then.
Man, what a nightmare. It's freaking gut-wrenching to imagine living like that, especially starting as a kid! Seriously, when you think you've seen the worst humanity has to offer; and then there's this. I'm amazed you've got any sanity left after going through all that hell. Life's unfair, dude; Sam deserved better. Keep holding on as best you can.
try not to beat yourself up too much for surviving when others didn’t. i mean, you went through unimaginable stuff and made it out on the other side with empathy intact. holding onto those memories must be incredibly hard, but maybe it's also a testament to your strength? as for feeling all kinds of love towards sam... yeah, who could judge you for that? sounds like in a crazy world you both found some tiny bit of solace in each other. sometimes life makes no sense at all, and writing it out like this might be the best you can do to process the chaos.
I can't even imagine going through something like that. It sort of reminds me of this time in my life when I also felt trapped but on a much smaller scale, really. When I was younger, there was an older boy who would bully me relentlessly at school. He made my life hell during those years. While it’s absolutely nothing compared to what you went through, looking back, that experience left a mark on me too (albeit in different ways). Sharing stories like ours matters (even if we’re just strangers on the internet) since it makes us feel less alone.
It's important not to minimize your own experience, they all matter!
you know, i get the heartache and all but maybe it's better to focus on healing instead of dwelling in the dark past? 🤔 life's a mess for sure but how do you plan to move forward when all this is weighing heavy on your soul? painful as it is, staying stuck in those memories ain't gonna change anything; do you have any support system now or someone to talk to about these feelings?
Man, that whole situation is beyond messed up, and it's insane how the worst kind of people can be called "parents" just 'cause they made kids.
wow, that's a heavy story. it's hard to imagine going through all of that and still finding the strength to push forward. while it's tragic what happened to sam, it seems like your experience has left you with a unique ability to empathize and truly understand suffering; possibly more than others ever could. finding some kind of outlet might bring a little solace if you're open to it? you’ve come so far despite everything; pretty remarkable tbh!
It's truly devastating what you and Sam went through, and it's hard to grasp how people can inflict such pain. You mentioned that only two of you are left from that house. Have you stayed connected with the other person who's still alive? It could help having someone who understands even a fraction of your past. Your resilience is incredible, surviving such horrors. It's a testament to your strength.
omg thats so terrible what happened to her i just cant belive some ppl are such monsters.. idk how u made it out alive from all that chaos its just crazy. i mean how do u even start rebuilding urself?? i guess im wondering did u ever get any help or therapy or do u just try and do your best to keep going day by day? is there any advice for someone whos tryna make sense of their crap? sorry if thats too much jus curious
Dang, bro, your whole sitch got me frazzled. Talking about the nastiness you and Sam lived through that's tough to even think about;; But tbh, part of me wonders if maybe sharing all this is as cathartic as it feels or just YK messing with those scabs??? It's real complicated figuring out how to do more than survive and actually live✌️ You gotta do whatever keeps your head above water, man.
It's truly heartbreaking to hear what you and Sam had to endure. The depth of suffering you've experienced is incomprehensible; but what's striking is your resilience in the face of such adversity. As Maya Angelou once said, "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." It sounds like you're trying to embody this mindset despite everything. Have you ever considered sharing more of your story? Sometimes helping others through similar experiences can offer a sense of purpose or healing. Keep going, man! You never know how sharing could impact someone else who might need it right now. 💪
wow, reading your story was like stepping into another world of pain and survival. it's so hard to wrap my head around how anybody could survive such horrors and still want to keep going; i can't even imagine what strength it took for you to hold onto any kind of hope back then. when kids go through these brutal environments and somehow come out alive, i think it shows a resilience that most people wouldn't believe possible. if there's anything i've learned from listening to stories like yours, it's that life can be as beautiful as it is cruel- but damn, it doesn't make the scars hurt less. sorry if that sounds cheesy lol
Reading about Samantha was hard. Actually reminded me a bit about my neighbor's kid who died too young due to some awful circumstances around him. Different story definitely but still left the community shaken up for quite some time. Your story reinforces for me how important it is to speak out loud against this type of cruelty when we see it happening around us.
I hear you, but am I the only one kinda questioning how sharing all this intense stuff helps? It might feel like you're doing Sam justice by sharing her story, but is it really gonna change anything or just keep yanking at old wounds; I mean, maybe it’s time to focus on building something new for yourself that’s not tied to all that past darkness. It ain't easy by any means, but clinging to those memories isn't helping anyone... least of all you 🤷♂️
dude, reading that really shows how people can sometimes be the absolute worst and seriously, you went through hell and back. kinda makes me think about how folks say "life ain't fair" but this takes that to a whole new level. sorry if this is out of line, but have you ever thought about penning down your experiences like in a journal or something? not for anyone else, just for you. could help untangle some of that emotional mess bc who knows what it'll do til you try it 🙏;