I feel an earthquake for a girl
The story
I don't know if I'm falling into a trap. I wrote to a doctor I like the way I was. I'm very confused by my emotions; I don't know where they're leading me. I only know that they're boiling inside me, like some kind of forced helmet that's about to dissipate.
Why do I feel this way about it? In fact, I write and I can't feel my skin. I feel like my skin is something foreign to me; I'm soaring to the heights. Am I deluded? Am I really in love? Could it be that I want to check something I went through with a girl? What's happening to me? Besides, she was one of those doctors who gave terrible treatment. I don't like talking to those kinds of people. Why give them another chance? I didn't want to go back to any of those doctors again.
Is it because I'm going to pick on her about the treatment? Is it because I'm going to do some unscrupulous and unconscious thing? I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone. In fact, I had things to do. Why my eagerness for socializing? I don't understand. Why do I always get stuck? I wanted a break from socializing. Why is it that I never get a break? I insist. Am I heading into a trap? Did I get on the wrong side of the doctors? Could it be that I want them to do something to me out of some unconscious guilt or something? I do feel like maybe I haven't been very grateful, but I have every reason to be, given that they didn't help me with my problem.
Could it be that they did help me with my problem and I just don't want to admit it? I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know what I'm feeling in my head. I just want to call her, to go to her, wherever that may be. I feel my heart beating fast for her. I've done my best to hold back, going slowly with my feelings. I didn't think I'd reach a point where I couldn't bear not writing to her. I feel, I admit it, that it makes me feel liberated.
What does she feel for me? Has she remembered me? She's a sociable person, maybe with a boyfriend, but I don't. What if I'm falling in love with someone with a boyfriend? What if I'm late to the issue? I don't know where I stand with her, and I don't like that. I'm not clear about my feelings; I know it's never possible, but it's the desirable thing in this case. What do I want with her? I don't want to torment her with my emotions.
What the heck is happening to me? I can't be in love. Am I frustrated? How low is my self-esteem? Am I wrong? Do I have no life or something? I don't think I'm dead. Do I want her just to vent? Why do I want her? I don't want her to burden me; she'd never forgive myself. Am I looking for manipulation? To include me in something? Am I needing that? I beg her to tell me to leave, or simply not to answer me at all.
I feel like this might be a false alarm. Maybe it's emotions I once felt when I was with her, and everything's reacting in a crazy way. After writing the above, I don't feel like it's anything. I refuse to believe it's anything. I don't want to break the routine I was already in. I insist: Could it be that I have feelings for her because of the frustration I feel? Although I recognize that the frustration I felt was from not seeing her. I also recognize that I didn't need to talk or anything like that. Could it be that I'm seeing her as an outlet? I don't want to upset her.
Besides, she's a student. I don't want to get in her way. I don't want her to do it with me. But is it normal to react desperately for her? Just like that? I've been venting a lot. But is this really a crush? I don't know what to believe. I feel trapped by my thoughts.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
wow, sounds like you're dealing with a serious whirlwind of emotions 😅. it's totally normal to feel confused about these kinds of situations. sometimes our feelings can play tricks on us, amplifying emotions we don't fully understand. it seems like you're stuck in a complicated headspace, trying to decipher what's real or just a fleeting crush. your thoughts about the doctor seem all over the place, and it's perfectly okay to question everything. maybe take a step back and focus on what you truly want for yourself. whatever happens, make sure you're comfortable with the path you choose. remember, it's okay to feel uncertain; just give yourself some space to sort it all out 👍.
honestly, it sounds like you might be overthinking this whole situation 🤔. your emotions are all over the place, and that's making it hard for you to see things clearly. maybe trying to reconnect with a doctor who wasn't great before isn't the best move; it could just stir up more confusion. sometimes a break from everything can help clear your mind, you know? if she wasn't helpful earlier, maybe she's not worth the emotional stress. focus on stuff that makes you happy and gives you peace. "time heals what reason cannot." take it easy on yourself and be patient. things will fall into place eventually.
hey, i get that you're feeling super confused right now. honestly, though, it kinda sounds like you're letting your emotions run wild and it's messing with your head. sometimes we think we're into someone just 'cause our brain's playing tricks on us. had a similar thing happen before, chasing after someone who wasn't all that nice to me, and it just made me feel more confused and frustrated. you said she wasn't great as a doctor before, so maybe it's not worth going down that road again. maybe just take a breather, clear your mind, and see if these feelings stick around. it's all right to step back and think about what you really want. keep your chin up; you'll figure it out!