I like a girl too much in college and it's eating me inside
The story
Apologies for the dramatic title. I feel this doesn't even sound too big for all this and I think a lot of people here might think the same. I talked to my friends, family, and even AI in hopes it would feel lighter on my chest, but I don't see any improvement. I've sent this on reddit, and I'll send it here
I'm currently in the summer course of my second year. I spent these 2 years relatively shut off, only friending select people and keeping a respectable distance from everyone else. My main fear was getting attached to someone and letting it affect me and my studies. I kept telling myself that my objective was finishing my degree and getting out of here. And for a while, it worked, until we had our science expo.
The girl in question was someone I shared a class with in our first year. We interacted barely, and I didn't think of her at all previously. Not because she was bad, but I felt we were both on completely different wavelengths, you know? In the spring of the second year, we shared a class again. I don't know what happened, but this time, it felt different. But I tried to ignore it. I told myself this was an infatuation that'll pass. At the end of the semester, we both had a project to show off at the science expo. I was going around the booths to genuinely support the people participating, like I'd want someone to do for my project. And then I came to her.
She was lit up. So energetic. It was the first time I saw her that way. She showed me all about her project, and I even asked her some questions as engagement. We even joked around when the experiment had a mishap. Then, unprompted, she asked me about my booth. I showed her where mine was since it was relatively far, and she told me, apparently, that she was looking for me, and thought I was at a certain place which had most of my friend group in there, and said she'd visit. She came with her friend, both waited in line while one of the professors was seeing my booth. It took a while, and I noticed she had to come back to her booth for visitors. After we were both done, I noticed she was constantly glancing at my booth and back to her phone. I felt awkward, so I did this weird gesture of invitation with my hand, signaling that it's all ready for her. In retrospect, I felt this gesture could've made things awkward. But it wasn't, which caught me off guard. She laughed, rocking her head back and forth and doing the thing where she covers her mouth while laughing. Then she instantly came, telling me to "show her all I got" and that she'll "rate me honestly". We talked a lot at that time.
Now, due to how long this is, I've thought it's best to describe this one in detail since I feel this was a pivot moment. And after the expo? We talked. A lot. We helped each other during finals week, laughed, and joked. I got to meet her mom accidentally, which was another story in itself. Before I knew it, I was talking with her late at night. But now, since we finished spring and she's not taking summer, I feel both of us drifting apart. At first, I was strictly talking to her like anyone else, not putting her in any kind of place. But then I noticed myself thinking about her, waiting for her reply, looking forward to talking with her again. And now that we barely talk, I honestly feel like shit. And for some reason, I feel ashamed of the way I feel toward her. And what I feared the most is starting to happen. So far, my studies haven't been affected, but I feel sad. And it's not her fault. I keep telling myself, "She's not why you're here," "People come and go," and "You care about her way more than you should," but none of them help. I tried to do hobbies, and they all felt duller. I talked to my family, my friends, and GPTs, and they all say I'm brave and all, and there's no shame in feeling this way. And don't get me wrong; they're right. But no matter how much I'm told, no matter how much I know, no matter how much I say, I still feel like shit.
There's a lot of stuff I haven't said to not make this longer than it already is. Sorry again for the length of what seems to boil down to "a kid that fell in love with his classmate," but I figured there's not much else to try anymore. Thank you for reading
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, I totally get where you're coming from; it's tough when emotions catch you off guard like that. Sounds like you've been really focused on your studies, and suddenly you're hit with feelings you didn't even plan for. It's hard when you're used to controlling everything, and something unexpected throws you off balance; reminds me of when I was so wrapped up in my studies, I didn't see anything else coming my way either. Honestly, connecting with someone can be like that—suddenly derailing your well-oiled routine. It's natural to feel that tug when you two drift apart, even if logically you know exams and books should be your priority. Feelings don't always care about timing ⌛. Be kind to yourself, dude; it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes.
Come on, man, might be time to pull your head out of the clouds. 💭 I get it; infatuations happen, and they can totally mess with your focus. But honestly, you're letting it get too deep; why let something like this derail your entire mindset??? It seems like you're overthinking every gesture and every text; I had a crush in college too, and it was distracting, but you gotta keep that stuff in check. What’s the point of getting so worked up over someone who isn’t there to chat right now anyway? Maybe try not to put her on such a high pedestal? You’re there to get your degree, not a date, right?? Remember what's important, man, or you'll end up losing track of what really counts in the long run. Did you ever consider just talking to her about how you're feeling?
You're right. It's just that the contrast between when I interact with her and my regular college life is stark. Especially since the people in college are generally not very good. Thankfully I haven't let this affect me in my studies. Hell, I just gotten a full mark on a quiz today.
I like the way she looks at me sometimes. It's like so comforting, open and warm. And even when she's facing not a bad day, but a day where like she's not in the mood to spend effort in maybe her outfits or not, even when she sometimes doesn't wear socks, which is something I do sometimes, she doesn't seem to lose that charm of her. And when she smiles with that lipstick, it feels so attractive. Her golden yellow highlights at the end of her brown hair. And even like the simplest clothes that she thinks she puts on, it still looks so good on her. And the eyes. These dreamy eyes of her sometimes. And the soft voice of her. Soft enough, the perfect amount of femininity. It's like the perfect definition of a woman, even in its messy details and the claimed imperfections.
I never even intended to remember those details. Sorry for all this, I haven't talked about that aspect. The good news is that I'm slowly working on your advice. But I feel I shouldn't tell her about my feelings. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable and I don't see it as the right place or the right time
"I like the way she looks at me sometimes. It's like so comforting, open and warm.", beautiful ❤️
it seems like you're experiencing a whirlwind of emotions, and it's completely understandable. navigating through feelings, especially when you’ve been so focused on your academic objectives, can be overwhelming. the way you've managed to balance your studies and these emerging emotions is admirable; it's a delicate art indeed. 😊
i totally get it; we've all been there at some point. when I was in university, I also had such a connection with a classmate, and it threw me for a loop. what's important is how you use these emotions as a catalyst for growth, rather than a distraction. your feelings show that you're human, and that's a beautiful thing. hang in there, keep doing your hobbies, and stay open to where life takes you. who knows what the future holds? your journey is only beginning.
wow, it really sounds like you've gone through a lot there. "emotions are tricky" is an understatement when it comes to balancing them with your academic goals. you're not alone in feeling this way; it's pretty common, especially when you invest so much time in your studies. 🎓
i totally get why you'd feel conflicted. part of college is figuring out these personal interactions alongside book smarts. you mentioned you talked late into the night—do you think those conversations helped shape how you feel about her? it's a tough spot, but it sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders. keeping a steady course and letting things unfold naturally might be the way to go. just remember, it's okay to feel this way, and you'll work through it.
hey, i totally get what you're going through... emotions can really make things complicated, especially when you're deep into studies 📚 "connections can happen unexpectedly" and it's tough to balance everything; it's great that you're still focused on your degree!!!! your story is super relatable, and it's something many experience in academic settings. do you think there might be a way to keep in touch with her over the summer??? seems like it could help keep the connection going. don't worry, you'll find a way to manage everything, just hang in there!!!!
dude, you're way overthinking this!!! yeah, feelings happen, but it sounds like you're making a mountain out of a molehill... focusing on your studies should still be your main thing, right??? 🙄 it's not like you've known her forever or anything; take it easy and chill out a bit. what's the deal with putting so much energy into someone you're barely in touch with now??? just keep your head in the game and remember why you're there!!!!!
wow, i totally feel you on this one. it's like you’ve got this swirling mix of emotions, and it can be seriously overwhelming 😅 "getting attached to someone can really mess with your head" and you're worried about how it's affecting everything else; been there, done that. when i was in school, i had a similar situation, and it felt like i was always checking my phone, waiting for any response. honestly, i think it's okay to feel this way, but don't let it consume you. maybe there's a way to find a balance, like setting specific times to chill out and think about things, so it doesn't take over your brain all the time. just remember, life’s got its ups and downs, and this might just be one of those waves to ride out. hang in there! 😊
i understand what you're getting at, but you're blowing it way out of proportion. emotions and academics are like two sides of the same coin; they both require attention and balance. you said, "people come and go," and that’s exactly it. you’re putting her way up on a pedestal, and it’s distracting you from your goals. 😐 when I found myself in a similar situation during my studies, I had to snap out of it and refocus. allow yourself to feel what you feel, but don't let it dictate your entire experience at college. it's important to keep your priorities straight and embrace the journey with optimism. time tends to reveal the right path, so just keep pushing forward.
i see where you're coming from, and it's pretty understandable. emotions can disrupt your mental equilibrium, especially when you have academic priorities to meet. having feelings for someone in an academic setting can lead to cognitive dissonance; you should be cautious. without a clear focus, managing such complexities could prove to be difficult, and it might affect your academic performance. regulating your emotions is crucial to maintain balance and stay goal-oriented; don't let yourself get too swayed by temporary feelings.