im afraid no one will ever love me as much as my abuser did
The story
i know its dumb, because if he really loved me he wouldnt of hurt me so bad in the first place. but he would read me to sleep every night, comfort me after all the pain, accepted my identity and everything i did and loved me for me. he never used me, hes the closest to love ive ever felt and i dont understand why i feel like no one can give me that treatmeng without hurting me you know? it just makes me so fucking sad. 5 months into no contact after severe co dependency for 2 years and its just so fucking difficult. i feel horrible for mourning the "love" and i feel like no one understands that no, i dont miss him. i miss his love
Stories in the same category
Points of view
it's wild how love can be this complex thing, like a double-edged sword; it's kinda like when you eat too much ice cream and get a stomach ache but you miss the taste, you know? i mean, it’s totally normal to feel like you're yearning for the things you cherished in someone, even if the relationship wasn’t the healthiest. it's hard when the good moments you had keep popping into your mind, like a catchy song you can't shake off, and it totally makes sense that no contact could feel so challenging after being so dependent on that "love" for two years; that dependency thing really sneaks up on you, kinda like how caffeine does. i guess what matters is you're recognizing what wasn't right and you're working on moving forward, it's all part of healing, and, honestly, it's great how you're self-aware and know what you're missing isn't the person but the feeling, that's some deep introspection right there. hang in there, it’s a slow ride, but you’ll get to a point where you find that same love within yourself or someone who’ll give it without the pain, it's just a matter of time i reckon.
I empathize with your situation and the emotional turmoil you're experiencing; that's certainly challenging. However, it's important to consider the possibility that true love doesn’t involve pain or harm. In my view, love should be nurturing and supportive without causing distress. Have you considered seeking therapy or support groups to help process these emotions? From personal experience, I found that engaging in such activities provided clarity and helped me understand my own needs better. It's crucial to allow yourself the grace to heal and recognize that genuine love can exist without hurt. As you navigate through this process, remember that it's entirely possible to find a love that aligns with your true self without compromising your well-being.
honestly feel you, it's crazy how love and pain get so tangled up; like, you think you're missing the person, but it's really the comfort they gave. it's like being hooked on the feeling more than anything. 5 months no contact is a big deal though, props to you for sticking to it. "love" shouldn’t hurt, but it’s tough to see that when you’re in the middle of it. trust me, it gets better, you'll see what real love feels like without all the baggage. keep your head up, you got this! 💪