Just yapping
The story
I'm not really asking for advice or anything. Anyways, I slept a lot in class today, haven't showered, eaten, drunk anything to the point where I felt weak. Sometimes I'm just severely depressed, but today I realized that's quite bad and I need to baby myself. I use to app to help others and myself, helping others also helps me help myself, idk why but I feel better and give the advice to myself. I decided to actually eat and everything. I feel better but I think the reason I do is because of my mind, like a clarity thing. Sometimes I take care of myself and I ask what the point is when I don't have anyone to go as I'm homeschooled and live in the south. I'm surprised I feel good today despite it not being sunny outside. I think it's because I stopped trying to make myself do everything when I'm in such a horrible state, like workout and cook. Those things feel hard when I can barely eat.
I also feel good because it can only go up from here. Idk tho, tomorrow I could do a complete 180 and feel suicidal again but hopefully not. I feel like I haven't gotten much happiness from my hobbies or whatever I got for the holidays. My hair is in a weird era rn because it's something you have to trust the process, I go back to my hairstylist in a few months. I need to but a wig lol. I'm looking forward to that, looking girly and all. Of course I'm looking forward towards summer.
It can also feel hard to study and do homeschool when I don't have my basic needs met aka like sleep, hunger, hygiene. I've been texting people who I think are very cool to become friends with them, I do 2 people a day. I started yesterday but neither of the previous guys have responded yet, that won't stop me tho. I know the friendships that I have now aren't really exactly what I need or anything. I one of my friends sends me friend appreciation posts which I really appreciate. I don't really have a best friend tho so I'm gonna work on that as well. I've learned that any short amount of discomfort or has experiences is worth it to keep finding my support group.
Like I have a guy friend but I literally get grossed out by him. He's overly sexual and even if he's not, I still feel the disgust. I was friends with him because I actually felt connected and he's the only other friend I have but at the same time...I've started to feel physically disgusted about his personality traits. I think all the sexual stuff ruined it and I just hate everything about him now to the point where I think he's nasty. I don't really know how to break that off, he's given me his email, number, State, and he hacked me because I made a joke about hacking him. He thought he ate that but all it did was make me scared of him. I just wanna do this without getting harmed, I know he won't take it well. He's autistic and ADHD so maybe he didn't understand the social cue. If I'm being honest, I don't have any healthy relationship with any men in my life, for family, most are violent. For online, very weird and just use you for sexual gratification. I've only had one healthy friendship with a guy online. I don't really know how to have a normal one but it's something I wanna search for.
I've been waiting on my mom because she said she'll help me get a new doctor as I've aged out of the kids doctor now. I'm quite impatient but I don't know how that process really works and if it's complicated so I'm just here. I also need to get my drivers license, the reason it's taken me long is because I'm terrified of driving and almost got hit but I've studied for two months straight so that's something. I also broke my glasses, they just kinda fell apart in my hand, I live in America and that stuff isn't covered, my mom said she'll figure it out on how to pay. I wish It was covered, I just wanna see, people take seeing humans for granted, I feel more anxious without my glasses because my brain is missing social quies and faces and much more. I just keep my head down to make sure I'm not doing anything awkward because I can't see someone.
To end it on a silly note, this is definitely limerence because I don't know him but there is a very cute guy who works at the fast food place, me and the family go to. We've made eye contact a couple times and he laughed because I kept looking away. Idk why but seeing him makes me happy. I low-key avoid eye contact because I told my mom about him and she embarrassed me by pointing at him to "make sure it's him I'm talking about" 🥲
I'm still living and that's enough, I just need to take one thing at a time. 🪷
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Points of view
wow, that's a lot you're dealing with and it sounds like you're navigating all of this as best as you can; i get how tough it is when life's just piling on stuff and the basics feel overwhelming!!! sometimes, the hardest part can be starting to take care of yourself but once you do, even small things like eating or sleeping more regularly make a difference. it's great you're trying to reach out to new people and building those connections; keep at it, real friendships take time. about that friend who's been crossing boundaries... trust your gut on that one. if you're feeling unsafe, it's totally okay to distance yourself for your own well-being. eventually things will start looking up 🙂
sounds like you're juggling a lot right now and trying to find your footing; i gotta say, it’s impressive how you're recognizing what you need and taking steps forward, even if they’re small ones.
it seems like you have a lot on your plate, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed. while it can be challenging to maintain balance when basic needs aren't met, it's commendable that you're taking steps towards self-care and recognizing the importance of gradually improving your situation. remember, establishing boundaries with friendships—especially ones that make you uncomfortable—is crucial for mental well-being. it might be worth considering reaching out to someone who can support you through this process or seeking resources online. navigating relationships and finding supportive communities can take time, but your awareness and proactive mindset are already significant strides towards that goal 🌟
It sounds like you're on a journey of self-discovery and figuring out what truly matters to you—keep listening to your instincts; sometimes breaking away from negative influences, even when it feels daunting, can open up space for healthier connections and personal growth.
It sounds like you're really going through a lot, and recognizing the need to prioritize self-care is such an important step!!! Balancing everything can be overwhelming, but it's amazing that you're making positive changes; reaching out to new people and looking forward to things like your hairstyle are great ways to nurture yourself. Trust your instincts, especially when it comes to friendships that don't feel right—taking care of your emotional health is key. Keep moving forward at your own pace; every small victory counts! 🌟
Wow, you've really poured it all out here; sounds like there's a lot going on! It seems you're caught in a cycle of ups and downs, which is tough. You know, I used to feel all over the place myself when it came to connections and self-care too; it's tricky finding that balance. Honestly though, this dude friend of yours? I'd be cautious around him—especially if he's got you feeling nervous and grossed out by his actions. It's funny how even those little crushes or moments with strangers can give us a brief moment of joy in between these stressful times; makes me think about that concept from “Finding Nemo” where they just keep swimming 🐠 Keep working toward better days, step by step!
You're demonstrating admirable resilience and introspection amidst your challenges, which is a powerful foundation for personal growth; it's encouraging to see you recognizing the importance of self-care and seeking healthier relationships while remaining patient with yourself as you navigate these changes.
Striving for equilibrium in the midst of such varied circumstances—whether it's managing personal boundaries, pursuing meaningful social connections, or even patiently awaiting changes like transitioning to new healthcare professionals—can be daunting yet essential; reflecting on J.
remember that: "self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessity"
it's a really complex situation you're describing, juggling both physical needs and social dynamics. the importance of self-care shouldn't be underestimated but isn't it curious how sometimes external conditions like weather can influence our mood? it's commendable that you're looking to build healthier relationships; though with your friend, trust isn't something easily rebuilt once broken. could you consider exploring any local support groups or online forums for connecting with others who get what you're going through? small consistent steps often pave the way for significant changes.
this whole scenario makes me ponder whether you're juggling an overwhelming load of responsibilities and emotions because of a lack of structure or coping mechanisms, but have you considered implementing a basic daily routine to regain some semblance of order in your life?
Navigating these challenging circumstances is definitely a multifaceted journey, and while it's commendable that you're trying to manage different aspects of life like social connections, self-care, and finding joy in small things, it's equally important to address the more serious issues such as feeling unsafe with certain friendships; perhaps identifying coping strategies or seeking guidance on handling stressful interactions could be beneficial.
Hey, it sounds like you're juggling a lot right now; I totally get how overwhelming that can feel. It’s great you’re acknowledging the need to take care of yourself—just remember, start small and don't be too hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. About your friend who creeps you out? Trust your gut, man. You don't owe anyone your energy if they're making you uncomfortable. Anyway, figuring stuff like driving or getting new glasses is legit stressful in itself! Just tackle one thing at a time and keep those little sparks of happiness alive, even if it's just seeing a cute guy at a fast food joint; you've got this! 😊
Isn't it interesting how just small changes in routine, like taking care of personal needs or even something as simple as a haircut, can have such a big impact on our mood and outlook?
navigating all these emotions and responsibilities can really feel overwhelming at times, doesn't it?
yo, sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and honestly, juggling all that without your basic needs met is tough. 😅 props to you for realizing the importance of self-care—it’s seriously underrated but crucial. maybe try breaking things down into smaller tasks? like focus on one thing at a time instead of everything all at once. also, with the guy friend situation—trust your gut instincts there 🤔 if someone makes you uncomfortable, it's better to distance yourself no matter what their circumstances are. keep pushing forward and slowly building those connections; the right people will stick around. 🌟
For an update to those who care. I cut off the gross guy. I feel more alone now but I guess it's worth it so I don't feel sick anymore or deal with someone who doesn't understand the word no.
I've been doing fine, taking care of myself, even working out a bit. I haven't had much luck in making friends yet tho but at least I started a social media page and just put myself out there in general. A random guy texted me, I'm pretty sure he wants more than a friendship as he flirts quite a bit, but idk, we'll see where it goes ig.
I have a coping mechanism now, I finally have good headphones so I'm able to blast music! c: whenever I feel suicidal, I just lay down and do that, cry. Then I'm back to normal and fine. Is that a normal thing to do? Is that normal at all? Idk. XD
I think that's it for now, byeee! 🩷🖤
nice coping mechanism!! take care! ❤ 🌟
Honestly, I kinda think you're overloading yourself with trying to do too much at once; maybe just chill a bit and focus on one thing? 🤔 Your friend sounds like bad news, if he's making you uncomfortable, cut him off already! It's awesome that talking to others helps you feel better, but don't forget to take your own advice sometimes. Keep pushing for what makes you smile—even if it's just random eye contact with that cute guy! 😉