Sometimes I just can’t believe, you happened.
The story
How can I remember someone that I used to love with happiness and not pain?
There’s someone that I truly loved with my whole heart and he was for a while my best friend.
We met at a volunteer and then we became really like really close. He became my best friend. He truly understood me and knew about the mazes and the madness within me.
He was out of this is world, I guess.
Then five years ago we started talking again but then I knew deep down that I was falling in love, like never before in my life. But then, I think, he started to became distant and finally he ghosted me.
I still remember that day, it was april ‘21 and my heart was shattered. And I don’t know why but sometimes I still miss him a lot.
The strange thing’s that whenever I’m stuck on his memory I’m sad but I know that maybe I can turn that feeling into Happiness.
I was in love. I did. And no one can’t take that from me.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
not sure if i get it. seems a bit dramatic tbh.
Why?
i dunno, i mean, maybe it's just how you describe it. feels like a lot of weight on those memories and emotions, y'know? maybe i'm missing something.
Yeah, I think that I’m idealizing this friendship even tho I know deep down it’s not worth it. Maybe I’m still waiting to have this kind of relationship, he knew me pretty well, even at my lowest and my good moments. Maybe, I’m a little bit resentful about how he ghosted me. It’s hard to explain.
i get what you're saying. holding onto that connection, even if it's not worth it, makes sense. it's hard to let go when someone knew you so well. ghosting sucks and leaves this unfinished business feeling. it's tough to move on from that.
I understand the pain of remembering someone who made such an impact, but over time, memories can become more comforting than painful. It takes a lot of self-reflection and acceptance.
Today something interesting happened, I went alone to the opening of an art exposition and then I started walking without an specific route (I don’t do that) and end up pretty close to the place were we used to do volunteer together. In the meantime I was listening to “Nightingale Lane” by Raye and it was like a ritual, a farewell ritual I don’t know how to explained it.
Btw can you explain about self-reflection?
Self-reflection is kinda like taking a step back and trying to see things from a different perspective. Maybe questioning your feelings or why certain memories affect you in the way they do? It's not easy, honestly... It's about understanding yourself better. I think that's how I see it, at least.
“The nice thing is, sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective to make the world feel brand new"
Nathan Fielder - The Rehearsal
A great quote btw
It really is a great quote! I think it fits perfectly with what you experienced at the art exposition. Maybe that walk you took was part of shifting your perspective too? Those little moments can mean more than we realize... Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it.
Maybe it's just nostalgia?
Totally lol
hey, i totally get where you're coming from. sometimes it's hard to separate the happiness of a memory from the pain of how things ended, especially when someone meant so much to you. i've been there too... had this friend who just got me and then poof, they were gone. it sucked big time but i started focusing on what i learned from that relationship instead of just the loss. maybe try thinking about all those little moments that made you smile? like when he understood you in ways no one else did. it won't erase the hurt right away, but over time those happy memories might start outweighing the sad ones. hang in there!
The absurd notion that you can just force sadness into happiness by sheer will somehow defies logic; it's not like switching database entries in a system. Implementing change means dealing with the emotional ramifications, not pretending they don't exist... Asking oneself to remember an emotionally turbulent past experience 'with happiness' seems overly ambitious, sometimes even unwise. Sure, memories might shift over time but expecting them to automatically align with your personal projection would demand an almost quantum level of delusion. Maybe acceptance works better: acknowledge both the good times and let it coexist with the grief so you're in control instead...
it's like, no matter how much time passes or what happens, those feelings just hang around sometimes. love is such a powerful thing and the memories attached to it can be really intense. maybe it's about trying to focus on the good stuff you shared instead of dwelling on the ending, which is easier said than done for sure. that deep connection you had was special and valuable in its own right even if things didn't pan out like you'd hoped. you're allowed to feel whatever comes up but it's possible over time those happy moments will stand out more vividly than the pain does now.
Man, honestly you're holding onto some idealized version of this guy. I know it's rough but maybe there's a reason he ghosted you and it might be time to let go? 😕 You think it might help if you focus on other things or people instead to get past those memories; distractions can work wonders.
Ghosting sucks, and it's just plain cowardly. But you know what? The fact that you felt such a deep love shows you're capable of something really special. Turning those memories into happiness might be tough when the wound's still fresh, but over time it gets a bit easier to remember the good without getting dragged down by the bad. Maybe try focusing on how he made you feel understood and seen before things went south. Sometimes I think about old friends or lost loves that way: like they were chapters in my book, not the whole story. Yeah, pain lingers, but it doesn't have to dominate your life forever.
Sounds like overthinking to me.
Yeah, I’m a little bit dramatic and nostalgic I guess
Maybe :) Nostalgia can make things feel more intense than they are... It's tough when feelings mix with memories like that...
you really captured that raw emotion there and i totally get where you're coming from!!! love can be such a wild ride, bringing so much joy and then suddenly, poof... it leaves behind this ache. in times like these, what helped me a lot was focusing on those cherished moments that were real and beautiful. even if it's bittersweet now, those memories are part of you and sometimes reflecting on the good stuff can sprinkle some happiness over the pain. hang in there!
man, it's tough when someone so important fades out like that, leaving us with a mix of good and bad memories. after my first major heartbreak, i tried focusing on the fun times we had to bring some joy back when those memories pop up. maybe find small ways to cherish what was genuine and special without letting it drag you down. feelings don’t just disappear instantly, you know? it’s all about finding that balance between fondness and moving forward.
“Fondness and moving forward”, pretty good information, ty
I don’t know, it sounds like you're romanticizing something that's pretty straightforward. He ghosted you, which kind of shows a lack of respect or maturity on his part. Maybe it's time to stop idealizing this person who clearly didn't value the connection as much as you did. Yeah, memories can be tricky with all that nostalgia bias making us remember things way better than they were. Just seems like holding onto this isn't doing you any favors; maybe focusing on creating new connections would be more productive. 🤷♂️
missing someone who ghosted you can be so confusing, right??!! remembering the good times while struggling with the pain is tough. but hey, remember what bob marley said: "the truth is everyone is going to hurt you. you just got to find the ones worth suffering for." maybe this was a learning experience that prepares you for something even better!!! 😊
I completely resonate with this. I had a close friend who really understood me too. When they left my life, it felt like a part of me was missing for a long time.
I've been there. It's like trying to find a needle in an emotional haystack, isn't it??? Sometimes, our brains just latch onto the hurt like it's some kind of defense mechanism. It's frustrating when you're stuck oscillating between reminiscing about those incredible moments and that gnawing sense of loss. Memories can be a double-edged sword; they have this uncanny ability to hit us with nostalgia and melancholy all at once. Personally, I've found that finding new ways to channel those emotions creatively helps transform that pain into something more meaningful. Maybe even start small by writing your thoughts down? It might help untangle some of those lingering feelings over time.✨
I have a journal and I fucking love it
That's awesome! It seems like maybe journaling helps you process all those mixed feelings? I mean, I'm not saying it'll magically make the sadness disappear, but... having an outlet can be so freeing. Do you find that it helps bring any clarity when you're stuck on his memory?
Maybe like I’m an artist I’m going to express myself through it. Who knows? I’ll write a book of poetry or sum like that. Oh and btw I already create a piece of art thanks to this situation and it won something lol
Man, I feel you on this one. It's tough to shake off memories when emotions run deep like that. I've been in a similar boat once: was friends with someone for ages, thought we’d stay close forever but then they just phased out of my life and left me questioning everything; it stings. Holding onto those happy moments is tricky because they're filled with the "what ifs" too. Even though it seems hard now, they say time gradually helps ease the pain and focus more on the good stuff from those times; maybe try finding something else exciting or fulfilling in your life as a new chapter to invest your energy into, even if it's just a hobby or random interest.
I remember once that while I was going through something similar I discovered a hobby and now it’s one of my favourite things to do in the world tbh
That's awesome! Who knew hobbies could be like emotional band-aids? Finding something you love to do can really change the vibe when you're caught up in memories. Anything new you're trying lately?
I’m trying to learn to draw and I’m already into oil pastels, and I wanna learn a lot of new techniques like sew, anímated videos, aquarelle painting, tridimensionals works of art but I wanna learn more than that tbh. And also I’m trying to learn about art history but maybe that’s for next year.
That's so cool! There's something really freeing about trying out new techniques and exploring different art forms. Art history sounds amazing too; it might give you even more inspiration for your own pieces later on. Keep going and have fun with it all.
i think maybe ur just feeling lonely idk
Yeah, it’s complicated. I have real friends but sometimes I have issues when it comes to love, I don’t know how to explained it. I’m single since almost a decade, I only dated a guy a few years ago and nothing else. It’s complicated, but I don’t wanna need a relationship I mean I don’t wanna be with someone just because I’m bored or lonely, I don’t wanna depend on someone else. I want a mature and healthy relationship. But I don’t use dating apps, so maybe it’s a little bit complicated to know someone. I’m straight but sometimes I think that I’m not but it’s just because I’m a little bit scared to admit that I just like guys. It’s complicated, I’m a little bit complicated.
have u thought about just putting urself out there more like maybe try joining groups or activities u enjoy? might help meet new ppl and see what happens naturally. relationships are tricky tho, better to wait than rush into something that doesn't feel right imo.
I don’t wanna rush a relationship because I know pretty well how that ends and it’s not the right thing to do. Maybe I’m going to meet someone but I’m not desperate. It’s not my dream to have a family but it would be nice to know a guy who can share my life with. I’m a little bit shy when it comes to love but maybe I’ll be going out a little bit more. Pretty good information, ty!
sounds like you're on the right track! taking things slow and seeing what happens naturally is a good way to go. it's great you're open to getting out there more, who knows where it could lead!
kinda confused here
Memories can be tricky like that.
While I see where you're coming from, sometimes letting go is important too. It doesn't mean forgetting, just changing how we hold on to those memories.
Yeah, I think that healthy love’s the core of our existences and it’s not about forgetting someone but integrate those memories with a grateful mind and heart and then keep moving. Life’s too short anyways.
Absolutely, integrating those memories with gratitude can really change our perspective! 🤗 It's all about honoring the love you felt while giving yourself space to grow. Life is so unpredictable, better to cherish those moments and keep moving forward!
y do u wanna remember them with happiness if it hurt u did they do anything good or bad was ghostig really ghosting or like life stuff r u sure
had something similar!
And how did you get over it?
It took time, honestly. I focused on myself and kept busy with things I enjoyed. Eventually, the pain faded and the memories were more sweet than sad.
yeah totally get it i loved somebody so so much and thought wed be together forever but ppl change yknow guess its abt focusing on what i learned :)
those feelings resurface its crazy when i think back sometimes its with sadness othertimes bittersweetness
Memories can be part of our existence but they’re not the whole book. And it’s beautiful to remember since another perspective and also the act of letting can be one of the most beautiful acts of love. There’s a poem that talks about “When it’s time to let go, just let it go” and be grateful for that experience and keep an open heart and soul to the world and their miracles.
totally agree with that. letting go can be hard, but sometimes it's the most loving thing we can do. memories are tricky like that: they don't define us, but they're still part of us...
i dont know about that maybe he had his reasons?
Yeah, tbh I was being a little bit intense with the text msgs, like sending him job offers or options for master’s degrees every week lmfao
wow, that does sound a bit intense. i had a friend who did something similar once, sent me constant messages about stuff i wasn’t ready to think about yet. it kinda made me want to back off too, even though i knew they meant well.
that's exactly how it went for me too
Oh! So sorry to hear that, those who ghost are cowards indeed