Terrible Husband
The story
I am a terrible husband, or at least that's how I feel. fir the record, I am not abusive physically or mentally, and I am not the type to cheat on my wife. She is a great wife, and she means the world to me. She supports my crazy ideas and vice versa.
But the reason I feel like a terrible husband is because while I love my wife dearly, I have very similar feelings for a close friend. One of my best friends, actually. We met not too long after I started dating my wife neatly 10 years ago. From the day I first saw her I was blown away by how beautiful she was.
We were co-workers and so we spent a lot if time together and so we became close friends. Even after the company closed, we remained close friends. Now at no point in time have I ever made a pass at her or done anything dishonest with her. But over the years I have slowly developed romantic feelings for her. I never meant to and never thought I could developed those feelings for another woman while feeling the same way about my wife.
The whole idea seems like something out of a movie and not something that could happen in reality. The feelings are selfish and constantly eat away at me. When I'm around her I wanna open up and confess how I feel and take the plunge like an idiot. But when we part and I get home to my wife I am reminded of my feelings for her and become overwhelmed with this dreadful feeling of how unfair I'm being to her.
The whole thing is beyond selfish and unfair to both of them. I would never destroy the life me and my wife have created and the bond we share because of someone else. But I also would never destroy my friendship with my friend because I'm having feelings I shouldn't, especially when she has no idea.
I feel so awful and I honestly hate myself for feeling the way I do. To make matters worse I have no one in my life I can talk to about it. Sometimes I go to bed a night hoping I don't wake up so I don't have to feel this way anymore. What kind of a man let's this happen? I never thought something like this was possible.
I'm so lost in all this and don't know what to do. I cant turn left and I can't turn right. Words can't begin to describe how sorry I am to both of them. Both can do better than me and deserve better than me.
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Points of view
hey man, I totally get it!!! life throws these curveballs at us, and sometimes, the heart does what it wants without checking in with the brain. but you gotta stop beating yourself up over this. honestly, emotions can get real messy and confusing, like trying to untangle a bunch of cords, ya know? "unmanaged emotions are like uninvited guests," right?? so, you gotta start managing them!
you know, when I was in college, I had a mad crush on my best friend while dating someone else. it was like living in a sitcom, but way less funny. i thought i was the worst person on earth, but instead of letting it eat me alive, i had to slap myself with the reality check: feelings don’t make you a villain, actions do! you're not cheating, you're not being shady, you're just processing some heavy stuff.
you gotta find a way to compartmentalize those feelings... box them up, shelve them, whatever works! it sounds like you're madly in love with your wife, and that's where your energy should go, dude!! maybe spice it up with your wife... a surprise date night or something... reignite that flame!!! and maybe put a little space between you and your friend just for now... not saying ditch the friendship, but maybe give yourself a breather.
it’s also super important to find someone to talk to, like a counselor or therapist. unloading that emotional baggage to a professional could give you clarity. you deserve to wake up feeling good, not wishing you didn’t wake up at all! you’re stronger than this pickle you’re in!!!!! jeez, you got this, man. head up!!!!
it's a tough spot you're in, but from a practical perspective, those emotions might not necessarily translate into actions. "the grass is always greener," but nurturing your original grass is key. you seem to cherish your wife, and prioritizing your existing relationship seems crucial. i would suggest implementing a bit of emotional distancing from your friend to mitigate conflict of interest. you're not in an insurmountable dilemma; addressing the root emotions could be beneficial. remember, "actions speak louder than words," and you're clearly trying to navigate this responsibly. 🙂
hey, i gotta say, you're dealing with some heavy emotional baggage here. honestly, falling for a friend while being in a committed relationship is like trying to juggle while riding a unicycle - wild and dangerous 🤹♂️ you say you're devoted to your wife, and that's significant. those feelings for your friend might just be an infatuation clouding your judgment a bit; "emotions are temporary guests, not permanent tenants." it might help to create some emotional boundaries with your friend to keep things in check. while it sucks to feel like you're caught in a love triangle, focusing on what truly matters to you—your marriage—could clarify things. in the end, you don't need to be so hard on yourself; this happens to a lot of people and admitting you have these feelings is already a good step.