It's been difficult as of late. So many struggles. Another one of mine, one that sort of brick walls me- is the loss of my Fiancee. We'd met when she was a receptionist at my doctor's office. She was gorgeous, witty, intelligent. A passion for music, and travel. A wandering soul like me. She soothed me, and gave her all to me, and we shared some of the finest and most tender moments of my life.

Things were difficult for her growing up, like myself. And, well, I can attest to what happens when you spend too much time running from old haunts. It's no easy task, especially for certain types of PTSD. We'd both come from violent families. I dealt with it my way, but for her, she drank. She wasn't like that at first. It was a gradual decline. I tried everything. For a year and a bit I worked 3 jobs to support us as she began to withdraw more and more. It broke my heart, and still does. I tried to get her family, the ones who were good and normal, to help me get her into rehab. She wasn't ready, I guess..

Eventually things got to the point she began to get very bad. Sometimes she'd throw stuff at me, yknow, she'd had flashbacks like I would. It's hard to hold it against her. I often wonder what I could have done better. We ended up splitting up for a year, and she began to slowly crawl out of that life. She finally began to get better, and then I lost her. Car accident. She was 23.

That was in 2022. We were together 4 years. She was my precious love. All this time later I haven't even visited her grave.. I can't. I can't do it. Her sister, she's very sweet, often checks on me, and we reminisce of Her. She asked me if I'd be looking into dating again. I confessed, it's difficult. I still think of Her. She understands. And, as time has gone on, my pals or my brother asks: When are you going to try and date again?

Not to rush me, but, I guess they thought by now, I'd try again. I was the best version of me, with Her. I cooked, I cleaned, I was spontaneous and always had a surprise trip, or something. We shared a garden, it was beautiful. We grew tomatoes and berries, cabbage. Fuck, what a woman. Truly special. I think I'd like to try and date again, but I'm nervous. I'm scared of losing someone like that again. I was a complete mess after she died for like, two years, just absolutely fucking destroyed. I've chatted to some gals, but I can't seem to do more. I mean I'm not one to hook up, that's not my style, but even going on dates, I just feel scared to be hurt. Strange no? Maybe? Ahh, what do I know

Stories in the same category