Trying to Move On
The story
It's been difficult as of late. So many struggles. Another one of mine, one that sort of brick walls me- is the loss of my Fiancee. We'd met when she was a receptionist at my doctor's office. She was gorgeous, witty, intelligent. A passion for music, and travel. A wandering soul like me. She soothed me, and gave her all to me, and we shared some of the finest and most tender moments of my life.
Things were difficult for her growing up, like myself. And, well, I can attest to what happens when you spend too much time running from old haunts. It's no easy task, especially for certain types of PTSD. We'd both come from violent families. I dealt with it my way, but for her, she drank. She wasn't like that at first. It was a gradual decline. I tried everything. For a year and a bit I worked 3 jobs to support us as she began to withdraw more and more. It broke my heart, and still does. I tried to get her family, the ones who were good and normal, to help me get her into rehab. She wasn't ready, I guess..
Eventually things got to the point she began to get very bad. Sometimes she'd throw stuff at me, yknow, she'd had flashbacks like I would. It's hard to hold it against her. I often wonder what I could have done better. We ended up splitting up for a year, and she began to slowly crawl out of that life. She finally began to get better, and then I lost her. Car accident. She was 23.
That was in 2022. We were together 4 years. She was my precious love. All this time later I haven't even visited her grave.. I can't. I can't do it. Her sister, she's very sweet, often checks on me, and we reminisce of Her. She asked me if I'd be looking into dating again. I confessed, it's difficult. I still think of Her. She understands. And, as time has gone on, my pals or my brother asks: When are you going to try and date again?
Not to rush me, but, I guess they thought by now, I'd try again. I was the best version of me, with Her. I cooked, I cleaned, I was spontaneous and always had a surprise trip, or something. We shared a garden, it was beautiful. We grew tomatoes and berries, cabbage. Fuck, what a woman. Truly special. I think I'd like to try and date again, but I'm nervous. I'm scared of losing someone like that again. I was a complete mess after she died for like, two years, just absolutely fucking destroyed. I've chatted to some gals, but I can't seem to do more. I mean I'm not one to hook up, that's not my style, but even going on dates, I just feel scared to be hurt. Strange no? Maybe? Ahh, what do I know
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Mate, losing someone that special is brutal; I'd say it's understandable why you're stuck in this cycle. It must feel like there's a massive weight on your shoulders trying to move forward. The fear of getting hurt again is real, but remember, no one can replace her. It sounds like you’re putting so much pressure on yourself to be the person you were with her, but maybe cut yourself some slack? Take small steps, maybe start with just being around people more without any expectations. You're not alone in feeling scared about dating again! many people would struggle too!!!
so much to process here, wow. but losing someone and being scared to move on seems pretty common, right? you were clearly deeply in love with her, probably amplified by both your challenging backgrounds. doesn't help that you carry some trauma too, making the fear understandable. do you think you'd be open to counseling or therapy for that? might make jumping back into dating a little less intimidating.
Yeah I'm looking into therapy for the first time. Finally. It just was too much for the longest time. But running only takes you so far
wow. have you tried therapy?
Wow, that's really heavy, man. It's understandable to still feel the weight of that loss and not be ready to move on completely. Grief doesn't follow a set timeline, and it's okay to take things at your own pace; 😔 You know, there's no rush into dating again if you're not feeling it yet. Maybe focusing on what makes *you* happy right now without the pressure would help? Finding peace with the past can be its own journey before stepping forward.
whyd u even wait tho ?
man, that story hits deep. reminds me of the time i lost someone close in a different way. wasn't a partner, but my best friend in high school; we used to do everything together and then he just drifted away after some family stuff happened. struggling with connections afterward felt impossible. kinda like you, it was hard to open up again for fear of being let down or losing someone significant another time. there's something about shared trauma, though; it creates bonds that feel unbreakable until they're shattered and then it's like trying to rebuild with crumbling bricks. maybe exploring the things you used to love doing together could help pave a healing path? like nurturing those tomatoes and berries, starting small with something tangible might do more than you'd expect 🙂
Maybe you're being too hard on yourself.
Man, that really sucks. Losing someone so dear can leave such a void and it's only natural to feel cautious stepping back into the dating scene. Your love story sounds so genuine and meaningful—it's understandable you're scared to let your guard down again. Maybe think of dating as more of a journey you take at your own pace rather than some daunting cliff to leap off right away? The fear is real, yeah, but remember it’s okay to feel vulnerable. You’ve already taken a big step by considering therapy, which might help ease you into this new chapter gradually. Stay hopeful! You've got this!!!
It's tough to lose someone like that. Sometimes I wonder if we ever truly move on, or just learn to live differently?
You might be holding onto the past too much.
I totally get it. My cousin went through something similar after losing her partner unexpectedly. She was also hesitant to start dating again out of fear. But taking small steps helped her find happiness again, even if it's different now.
dude, that’s some heavy stuff you’ve been through. sorry for your loss. honestly, it’s no wonder you're hesitant to jump back into the dating scene after such a deep connection; it's not easy to let go of such profound memories. i know what you mean about feeling like the best version of yourself with someone special; it's like they bring out parts of you that you'd never even known were there. sometimes walking away from something so good feels impossible, especially when you've shared everything from love to loss together;
maybe easing back into activities you once enjoyed might help build confidence, kinda like testing the waters without fully diving in? hell, maybe volunteering or joining a club could open social doors without any romantic pressure initially... anyway man, whatever pace feels right for you is the right pace. time's yours and there ain't no rush 💪
it sounds like maybe youre stuck in the past a bit ya know i mean its hard to let go but at some point you gotta take the risk and open urself up again right otherwise its just gonna keep eating away at ya and u deserve better than that
That's true; opening up is really tough.
Life's unpredictable, huh?
dude have you considered talking about this with a support group?
It sounds like you're dwelling too much. Yes, it was tragic, but life moves on and so should you.
i mean i feel bad for u but dude everyones got stuff going on u gotta pull urself together n try being happy again coz sitting around feeling sorry wont bring her back n its not fair to anyone else either