WHAT SHOULD I DO? Don’t judge
The story
Confession
So, I want to start by saying this is 100% a real experience I’m going through. And although it is s*xual in nature it is NOT just some s*xual post by someone trying to get off through the comments. Anyways. 3 years ago my fiancé passed away suddenly after being with each other since we were teenagers. She was 26. We had the most connected and comfortable s*xual relationship that it’s humanly possible. We knew what each other wanted, we were comfortable exploring any and everything DEEP in our minds, no matter how “weird” it got. It was incredible. And not to mention she was BEAUTIFUL. And I know every man says that about their partner but it’s different when they actually are attractive on a level where they could have ANYONE they want. She was mixed. Light skin. 5’5 145 lbs with curves everywhere. Just perfect. Anyways, since her passing. It has been hell for me emotional but also sexually. Just how connected we were with it in general makes me think it’ll never happen again. That I’ll never be as attracted or mentally-s*xual able to explore anyone’s mind like hers again. Moving on, after so long with not only missing her touch, but a females presence or touch at all, it’s been brutal. And I’m a pretty good looking guy. 6’5 230 lbs. Long hair. And I’m not bragging I’m just saying, this isn’t a case of a guy who just can’t attract women. Never had a problem. Moving on. Pleasuring myself has even been difficult do to me thinking of her and even using p*rn is hard to do because we use to watch it together and very shortly after trying to take care of my natural urges, I slowing lose the RISE and ability to finish due to the thoughts. And do to that, its been over 2 years since I have “released”by taking care of it myself. Still I have very sexual dreams. To the point I wake up VERY…uncontrollably throbbing, only to have the same outcome of thinking of her and losing the ability. It’s been torture. I know that a females touch and help would probably fix this over time, but the women I HAVE connected with and hung out with just weren’t the same and it quickly ended due to me just not feeling it. So here’s where it gets kind of “weird” but it’s just truth and I have to get SOMEBODY to hear me even if it’s anonymous. So it’s been 3 years and over 2 years since I’ve had any relief at all. Recently, I’ve been having dreams OF ME DREAMING, waking up hard, and my mom coming in to help me, tells me to close my eyes and just think of it as a mother helping her son. No different than helping her son get dressed or feeding your child as a mother when young. And usually not long after, I wake up and think to myself, OMG how weird and usually my hardness fades away quick and I try and erase it from my mind. But it’s been happening almost EVERY NIGHT now, after increasing more and more. The only difference is, now, I find myself actually thinking about how it would feel, and while it not being anything about actual sex, or being exactly like it was with my fiancé, but maybe it’s just the “being taken care of, and the nurturing part of it, that is making me actually think of acting upon it. And my mom was a cheerleader. Very beautiful even now in her late 40s. She and my dad divorced when I was really young. And I know what you’re thinking. This is probably some fetish post or something but it’s genuinely not. This IS REAL. So, moving on. My last dream, I remembered something my mom said to me some time ago, when I fell asleep on the couch at her house (the one I grew up in) and evidently had a huge bulge in my pants while sleeping. She woke me up to tell me and I was super embarrassed, and she said “it’s fine, hun! Nothing I haven’t seen before. You use to get like that even when you were little you were like that all the time” and while I know she wasn’t talking about touching me. It just made me think. How would I actually go about even coming close to getting on this subject with her and telling her about the hell im going through with all this sexual tension and not just wanting to hire some hooker or something to do it. And I thought to myself. What it, when my mom texts me (usually every day or two) and asks me how I’m doing. What if I tell her the truth about what’s going on with my waking up throbbing and all the tension. Literally bothering my life. Just to see what she would say? Maybe she’d say “well why don’t you take care of that” just being funny or something, which could open the door for me to explain to her how I can’t because of the immediate thought of my late fiancé, and how the thought of doing it myself, and not her helping me, immediately stops my ability to do it. Ya know JUST to see what she would say. This is all new to me and again, I’m not some weirdo that is just having a taboo fantasy. And I’m IN NO WAY insinuating ACTUAL S*X with her. This is just something I’m legitimately dealing with. What should I do? It’s getting EXCRUCIATING and I can’t stop thinking about it. God the relief I would feel if I could just ACTUALLY have this happen and feel nurturing love again, someone genuinely wanting me to have relief, making it happen, for ME, again. Even if it’s like this. Thanks for listening.
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Points of view
it's really tough when you're dealing with such unique and intricate emotions, and it sounds like you're going through a challenging time. i remember feeling quite lost myself when dealing with grief after losing someone dear to me, and it's not like there's a clear roadmap to follow. 😞
you seem to be exploring some pretty complex feelings tied to love, loss, and intimacy, which is completely understandable given your situation. i once read in an article that "the body remembers," which means our emotional experiences can deeply influence our physical responses. maybe this is what's happening for you too.
honestly, I'd be cautious about bringing up these feelings with your mom, since it seems like a really difficult and potentially awkward subject. communication is key, though, and maybe talking to a therapist might help unpack these feelings in a safe space. during my tough times, having someone to professionally guide me through the emotional turmoil was immensely beneficial.
this whole thing is genuinely confusing, and you're not alone in feeling this way. hoping you find relief and understanding as you navigate these turbulent waters.
man, what you’re going through sounds super intense. it's totally understandable to have those dreams; grief plays tricks on us sometimes. you really miss that connection with your fiancé, and it's no wonder you're struggling in the intimacy department.
honestly, the idea of talking to your mom about it seems way out there. it might just make things awkward between you two. have you thought about consulting a therapist? a professional could really help unpack that complex emotional baggage you've got.
not trying to be harsh, but thinking about your mom helping in that way is really pushing it too far. it's important to distinguish nurturing needs from something that crosses the line; it’s not something casual at all. hope you find a path through this mess; a mental health professional could be a great ally. good luck with navigating these tricky waters. 🤔
man, this situation sounds tough, but i think talking to your mom about this might not be the best move 😬 emotional distress can cloud judgment, leading to confusion; "sometimes we seek comfort in places that only complicate things further."
you've been grieving for a long time, and it's natural to feel stuck. seeking professional help might provide clarity and relief. a therapist can help you navigate your emotions and maybe even find new connections❤️
once during a rough patch, reaching out for professional guidance helped me tremendously. have you considered joining a support group? understanding and support from others in similar situations might help. really hope things get better for you. hang in there.
man, I get why you're feeling all mixed up, but these dreams about your mom are a bit out there. grief can make everything confusing, but this might be heading into awkward territory. "sometimes our minds play tricks when we're vulnerable," and it’s key to sort through those feelings safely. 🌪️
bringing your mom into this conversation sounds like a recipe for some real uncomfortable moments. it's probably better to find help elsewhere to handle all these emotions. maybe chat with a therapist or even just a supportive friend? just think carefully before acting on something that might make things even messier. hope you figure things out without making it weird with your family.
dude, I get that you're going through a rough patch but this seems kinda messed up! mixing grief with dreams about your mom is just... weird. i mean, does talking to her about this really seem like a good idea???
i once went through a tough breakup and felt lost too, but bringing other family members into it like this just doesn't feel right. i get wanting comfort and understanding, but maybe look for it in places that won't make things awkward as hell 😳
look, getting over a long relationship is hard, but what about trying therapy or something? sounds like you really need someone neutral and professional to help sort through all that emotional chaos. i don't think this path you're considering will lead to the relief you're hoping for; maybe try finding new ways to cope with these feelings. please be careful with how you approach this!!!
honestly, I completely get where you're coming from. grief does weird stuff to our brains. those dreams about your mom, while not the norm, seem to stem from a desperate need for comfort and nurturing. sometimes, "the subconscious mind pulls strange tricks on us" when we're emotionally drained. 💔
i once had some seriously bizarre dreams after losing someone close. they were unsettling and made zero sense, just like what you're experiencing. therapy helped me sort through it, and it might be worth a shot for you too.
but let's be real—talking to your mom about this is a bad idea. it could make everything super awkward. better to find other ways to cope with the stress and emotional turmoil. try talking to a therapist or finding a support group to discuss your feelings safely. hope you find some peace and clarity soon.
hey, i get that you're going through a lot, but these dreams about your mom are pretty unsettling. it's natural for grief to mess with our heads, but this might be something to rethink. "sometimes our minds drift to strange places when dealing with loss," but it's important to keep things in perspective. 🤔
maybe having a conversation with your mom about this isn't the best path; it could lead to some awkward and confusing interactions???? better to talk to a therapist who can help you make sense of all these emotions. just be cautious about who you involve in this personal process!!! hope you manage to sort through your feelings without complicating your family dynamics.
hey, i totally understand that what you're dealing with feels incredibly overwhelming, but these dreams involving your mom might not be the best path to find comfort. grief can push us to seek solace in the strangest places, but sometimes our subconscious just needs a bit of understanding to help us heal. 🤔
it's natural to long for the nurturing and care that you once experienced with your fiancé; yet are you perhaps mixing up needs for emotional support? channeling this energy into communicating with a mental health professional might be more helpful in the long run. they can give you insights into why these dreams are occurring and how to move forward in a healthy way. have you considered exploring this option to find closure and peace? hoping you find some light at the end of the tunnel soon and can build new connections that honor your past while allowing you to heal. ❤️