My daughter Sarah is about to turn eight in just under a week, and she's been pleading to have her ears pierced. I've told her that I'd prefer she waits until she's at least twelve, the same age I was when I got my ears pierced. Her father, from whom I'm divorced, and I had a rather heated discussion about this. Our differing approaches to parenting, compounded by our conflicting political opinions, often lead to clashes. I believe he often engages in these discussions simply because the custody arrangement mandates it. Honestly, there are times I wish I had children with someone whose values align more closely with mine, and I know he feels similarly about me.

Returning to the matter at hand, I argued that younger children are more prone to complications from piercings like migration and rejection, problems my sister experienced firsthand. I see piercing as a form of body modification that carries a weight similar to other types, a sentiment he seems to dismiss. He mentioned that many of her friends and cousins already have pierced ears and reminded me that she has been asking since she was three. My stance hasn't changed since then.

The conversation escalated when I reiterated my belief in delaying such modifications. He became visibly frustrated, especially when I compared it to gender identity issues, given that I have two younger siblings who are transgender. I tried to explain that I support delaying any major body modifications until a person is closer to adulthood, in line with general medical opinion on gender affirmation procedures. The discussion became personal and heated, devolving to a point where insults were exchanged, and I ended up hanging up on him after a particularly nasty exchange.

Indeed, it wasn't my finest moment, and I can admit perhaps my actions might have been a bit much, but does that make me completely unreasonable for wanting her to wait on the ear piercing?

I also insist that when the time comes for her to get her ears pierced, it should be done by a trained professional and not at some mall kiosk. I've yet to discuss this aspect with her father, but given our last conversation, I'm not sure how cooperative he’ll be. My sibling also reminded me that proper aftercare is crucial, something that needs to be considered as well.

Imagine if this was all unfolding on a reality TV show. Viewers would likely be split, with some siding with the idea of parental caution and others viewing the refusal as overly strict. The dramatized encounters would certainly boost ratings, drawing viewers into the ongoing debate of parental rights versus children's autonomy and societal influences on family decisions.

I’m wondering, should kids decide when they get piercings?