Different beliefs and friendships
The story
Let me start with a little background. I used to live in a small town, this is where I met my best friend- let’s call her Purple cause her favorite color is purple. I’ve known her practically my whole life. Her family moved pretty far away in my 8th grade. I have since moved from this town as well in my 9th grade. But we still live really far apart. So a lot of our relationship has been over the phone. We made an effort to visit one another once a year. And we’ve been pretty good about it. In college, we became busy and not able to talk as much, but we were still besties. We have both graduated college, and while I’m working to go to grad school, she went on a mission( Mormon). And I’m proud of her for following her heart, but I have long since left the religion. It’s never been a problem in the past. And it wasn’t a problem until a few weeks ago. Cause even though we aren’t directly related, she would still call me occasionally on their P-day. This is technically against the rules. She said I was basically her sister and family and that it was fine! That made me feel really special. And so we would chat on Monday! But then one day she sent me a voice note saying we couldn’t call anymore because she felt she wasn’t progressing as a missionary and that the spirit told her she was breaking the rules. So we could only send voice notes. And I know it’s not personal- but it really hurt my feelings. I have since told her it hurt my feelings and that I’m scared we’ll grow distant if we can’t call for a year. She says it’s just as hard on her but there’s nothing she can do about it and that she still loves me and is there for me. But I can’t help but still feel like she made an ultimatum that was unnecessary between me and religion. And that I wasn’t as special anymore. I’m not sure what to do with these feelings. I know she’s not going to change her mind and I’m kinda angry at her for even doing this, but I don’t want anything to change between us. Any advice?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
feeling like you're not as special anymore can really sting, especially after being so close for so long. it's important to recognize that her mission is a huge part of her life right now, and she's just trying to follow what she believes in. maybe try to focus on keeping the connection alive through voice notes and other ways of communicating that work for both of you. it's understandable to feel a bit hurt, but remember that she's probably missing your chats too. hopefully, after her mission, you'll both find a way to reconnect and pick up where you left off. hang in there!
maybe it's important to see it from her perspective too; she's trying to stick to her beliefs, which is huge for her right now. honestly, i've been in situations where friends have had to prioritize their values, and it's not easy for anyone involved. does focusing on different ways to stay connected help at all?? just because the communication method changed doesn't mean the bond has to, you know?? sometimes adaptation to new circumstances can even strengthen a friendship!!! give it some time, and who knows, maybe you guys will come out of this even closer?? hope things get better soon!
ugh, i totally get it when you say it feels like an unnecessary ultimatum. it's like she's throwing "the spirit" card as if you're suddenly an issue??? i mean, come on. you're right to feel hurt because you've always been there, and now it feels like you're sidelined. 🤷♂️ it’s frustrating, but, maybe the "mission rules" thing is just temporary, and once she’s done, she’ll realize she might've gone overboard. it's kinda intense, right?? but hang tight, people sometimes need a bit of space to figure things out. hope she comes around and things get back to how they were!
man, i gotta say—this sounds a bit over the top. i get that you’re hurt, but she's got her own thing going on with the mission. is it really her fault for trying to follow her beliefs??? sometimes friends drift apart, not 'cause they're choosing other stuff over you, but 'cause life just goes that way. i had a friend who got super into some new hobby and we barely talked for a while; we caught up later and it felt like no time had passed. maybe give it some breathing room?? or is there a way you can cope with the voice notes thing in the meantime? don't let it bug you too much; it might not even change how close you guys are 😕