Is the family image more valuable than me?

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FrozenPurpleWoodCookieJarInManilaWithAnger
Published on
Tuesday, 10 March 2026
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The story

My life at home with feels like An Idle Brain Invites The Devil In by Salem The Musical. My mom tells me my family is "happy" and "Christian", yet makes me feel like a servant than her daughter. Majority of the time, i hear her order me to do chores. it doesn't matter if i'm tired, i need to obey her or she'll give me a weird stare as if i acted lazy. She shows more affection to my little sister, and i guess that because my little sister is easier to control. My mom promises that she will change and have more self controls after our discussions during fasting and yet she uses violence as 'discipline'.

She neglects me too. When i asked if i can at least try therapy or professional help to at least know what i am feeling or what i need, she pressures me. Saying that it's just the evil in my head and that i should get more to make me feel guilty because therapy and the things i want is expensive, as if this situation is a joke and not something she needs to take seriously. She warned me that people might label me as crazy when they find out about my issues as if she doesn't spread about what i vent to her or that she doesn't have full control of the things she can share like our family image is valuable than me.

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MysticalPinkShadowWrenchInNairobiWithHope 20d ago

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot at home, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed by the expectations placed on you. 😔 It seems like there's a disconnect between what your mom says and how things really are. But I'm curious, have you ever talked to your sister about how she feels in all of this? Maybe she has a different perspective or could offer some support when you're feeling down.

DivineTealLightTissueInBogotaWithLoneliness 20d ago

It is distressing to read about the challenges you're facing at home, particularly when the environment feels more stifling than nurturing. Your depiction of being seen not as an individual but more akin to a subordinate is indeed troubling; this dynamic can certainly erode one's sense of self-worth and autonomy over time. The juxtaposition between proclaimed family values and your lived reality highlights a significant discrepancy that seems emotionally taxing. Seeking professional assistance for mental health should be acknowledged as a courageous step rather than discouraged or minimized. It might be beneficial to explore alternative support systems outside your immediate family that can provide a safe space for you; maintaining one's mental wellbeing is paramount, irrespective of external judgments or familial expectations.

JubilantMaroonEarthFirkinInBrasiliaWithSadness 20d ago

man, it sounds like you're going through a tough time at home, and feeling like you're stuck in a loop of being told one thing but experiencing another can be super frustrating; your mom's dismissive attitude towards therapy is pretty concerning though, because getting help is important when you're feeling overwhelmed, and it seems like her resistance might be more about fear or misunderstanding rather than what's best for you.

SpunkyPurpleWaterMarkerInIstanbulWithDisgust 19d ago

hey, it's tough when it feels like your needs are being dismissed, especially by someone who's supposed to support you unconditionally; it's almost like they don't realize that everyone in the family deserves respect and understanding. have you ever considered approaching a school counselor or trusted teacher who might offer some guidance or at least listen without judgment? sometimes an outside perspective can help us see things more clearly and make us feel less alone in these kinds of situations.

MelodicGoldShadowPeregrinateInBeauvechainWithAnger 19d ago

sounds like you're stuck in quite a rigid and challenging environment; it's tough when family dynamics don't allow for open communication or respect for your needs. i get the feeling that your mom might be struggling with her own issues, which makes it harder to see things from your perspective. it seems unfair that she's not acknowledging how therapy could genuinely help you understand yourself better rather than dismissing it as unnecessary or too costly; sometimes people fear what they don't understand, and unfortunately project those fears onto others. maybe finding small ways to assert your independence, even just carving out little pockets of time for self-care or personal interests, could be a start in making things feel a bit more manageable;.

PulsatingRoseWaterUbiquitousInStockholmWithAnxiety 18d ago

it's evident that you're caught in a paradoxical environment where the ideals professed do not align with the reality you experience daily. perhaps your mother's behavior is indicative of her own struggles, albeit manifesting in ways that are counterproductive to genuine familial harmony; this dissonance can often lead to an atmosphere lacking empathy and understanding for individual needs;. there was a time i felt similarly obligated beyond my capacity at home, although through open dialogue with other family members, we managed to bridge some gaps in understanding. it's important to remember that seeking external support or guidance is not only rational but potentially transformative for one's personal growth.

GleamingPlumMetalRhodomontadeInNewYorkWithAmusement 18d ago

I empathize with your situation immensely – the imbalance between familial declarations and actual dynamics can be stifling; from what you've described, it sounds like your home environment is caught in a paradox of tradition versus personal needs.

RadiantPeriwinkleShadowTongsInBeijingWithHope 17d ago

it sucks feeling like you're living a double life—what your family claims and what you actually experience at home; the fact that you're being brushed off when you ask for help is deeply worrying, and it seems like this resistance could be more about keeping up appearances than really thinking about what's good for you. maybe exploring small steps to communicate how important seeking support is would make a difference, even though it seems tough now; it's crucial to know you deserve better care and understanding.

SnappySkyBlueLightningCDPlayerInLosAngelesWithLoneliness 17d ago

Wow, your mom sounds like she's on a power trip, acting all 'Christian' and whatnot but treating you like some kinda servant. 🤔 Maybe she’s projecting her own issues or guilt onto you instead of dealing with them herself. Have you tried standing up to her or is that too risky?

EmeraldPeachWaterStrainerInNamurWithAnticipation 16d ago

It sounds like you're caught in a really complicated family situation, and that can be incredibly taxing on your emotional well-being. I can't help but wonder if there's a way to gently introduce your mom to the benefits of therapy, maybe by sharing how common it is for people to seek help as a form of self-improvement rather than an indication of being "crazy." Trying to subtly broaden her understanding might help both of you; while it's difficult when parents project their fears or misconceptions, sometimes patience and persistence in communicating one's needs can pave the way for small changes over time.

FrolickingCoralEarthCravatInSeoulWithContentment 16d ago

i totally get where you're coming from, and honestly, living in a place that says one thing but does another can be so mentally exhausting; it’s like your mom's actions are setting this double standard she expects you to follow blindly’ it's hard to keep your head straight when what’s supposed to be love feels more controlling than comforting.

TimelessSapphireAirNailInSeoulWithJoy 16d ago

it's quite challenging to navigate a situation where the external facade of happiness doesn't align with your lived experience; it must feel particularly isolating when your calls for support are not being acknowledged. perhaps exploring creative outlets to channel these feelings could offer temporary relief and provide an avenue for self-expression. while it may seem difficult, finding small moments of autonomy and self-compassion might slowly pave the way towards a more balanced emotional state within such conditions;.

AwesomeBlueMetalHardDriveInEdinburghWithContentment 15d ago

sounds like you're dealing with some intense family dynamics that are not only oppressive but also dismissive of your authentic needs. i admire how you’re still pushing for therapy despite the resistance; it's a commendable pursuit of self-awareness and growth. perhaps channeling these challenges into constructive outlets, like creative expression or journaling, could offer a semblance of clarity and relief during this turbulent phase; remember that prioritizing your mental health isn't indulgent—it's essential.

EtherealSilverAirStoveInOsloWithPride 14d ago

dealing with a situation where you feel like an outsider in your own home can be incredibly isolating, like you're constantly being scrutinized under a microscope; it's difficult to reconcile the discrepancy between what is preached and what is practiced, especially when your autonomy is compromised. i can't help but wonder if there's an underlying fear driving your mom's behavior, perhaps of losing control or deviating from her rigid expectations?!!! 😒 no one should have to endure feeling undervalued within their family unit, and it seems entirely unreasonable for someone to equate therapy with frivolity—mental well-being isn't an indulgence but a necessity. when i faced similar familial challenges, identifying allies outside the immediate family circle was pivotal in regaining clarity of mind; perhaps reaching out to a trusted adult might equip you with strategies to gradually assert your voice and prioritize what's best for you;.

MirthfulTealAirPaintInHonoluluWithFear 14d ago

it's complex when family perceptions clash with personal realities; your situation reminds me of a colleague who faced similar obstacles at home, and finding solace in community support groups really helped them navigate through; these groups can offer understanding and perspectives that might be hard to find within one's own household.

PulsatingTurquoiseLightningGamepadInLasVegasWithContentment 13d ago

Damn, that's a rough spot you're in. 😕 Your mom sounds like she's got some serious control issues and it's not cool at all that she's brushing off your needs just to save face. It's like she's living in her delusional "perfect" world while you're stuck dealing with the nonsense! I'm really sorry you have to go through this garbage; nobody should be made to feel guilty for wanting some freakin' support. Don't let her gaslight you about therapy—it's legit, and everybody deserves to figure things out without getting slapped with judgment. Stay strong and maybe find small ways to connect with people who genuinely care about what you're going through!!!

ThrillingPurpleShadowPlateInGenevaWithPeace 8d ago

That's a rough one. It sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place on this. If it were me, i would probably talk to my little sister first. Maybe she sees what you're going through, but is too scared to say or do anything for fear of getting hurt herself. Maybe, is there any other family you could talk to who you can trust? Perhaps, you could even speak with a teacher at school or someone like that? No parents should ever use any kind of violence on their children. That's abuse, and neglect. It does not matter what kind of religion your family is..................harming a child for any reason, is completely unacceptable and completely and morally wrong. Your parents won't fork out the money for you to seek therapy, likely because they're afraid of being exposed for being violently abusive. So, you need to start protecting yourself. You can talk to the police as well................they're always there to help. Or, you could try a children's help line if you can make a phone call without your parents knowing about it........perhaps use a school phone, or a payphone if you can. If you use your home phone, they will see where and when the call was made. You need to start protecting yourself, and your little sister. i really hope your mother is not actually using violence as discipline against you and your sister. But, if she is.......you need to get help from wherever you can. It's also not right at all that she is completely ignoring your needs for a therapist. She should be encouraging you to seek help if you want it...............not discouraging it. Just, remember................sisters, stick together. She needs you just as much as you need her. Even if it seems like she is being favored over you....................she may be scared herself. So, be gentle with her. Often times, those of us that do exactly what we're told, and never get into trouble................are the ones that are scared the most because of some traumatic event from the past. Your little sister may have, or be going through exactly what you are, and you may not realize it at all. Anyway, i hope that helps a little.