Why did He allow me to fall into this?
The story
[Translated from Spanish. Reminder: IIWIARS is English only]
I have already posted a story about the bad habit that has chained me for a long time (pornography), I mentioned that I had a month and two weeks where I was able to resist, and it made me feel really bad to relapse but even so I seem to not improve. But well, how did I manage to make it a month? It all happened because one night I said the classic “This is the last day.” In the morning I looked for a sermon that fit what I was feeling and I found it, it motivated me to try. I tried to get closer to God, reading and singing hymns, now that I think about it I didn’t pray too much. But I thought I had been able to leave it behind, but the thoughts caught up with me. I didn’t feel better, I felt like the same loser as always. Now that I’m writing this I think I could have gotten more out of my intention to get closer to God, but I did it so I could leave that harmful habit behind, because I feel like it has damaged several aspects of my life. I know all the blame is mine, but come on, I feel like God has not helped me... I have never felt like He has put a plan in my life, I am going so unnoticed by Him. Now it is hard for me to try again, I can’t find a direction or a way for something to make me feel better. In general I don’t understand, if I grew up in a religious family why didn’t God have anything for me? Why did He allow me to fall into this? At one point in my life I wanted to stop believing, at others I have believed with faith, but it was always the same. So whether I could leave the habit behind or not, I don’t feel like He has something for me in life, it might sound extreme but my youth is passing before my eyes and even though God sees me He seems to leave me in the waiting room. Maybe it’s stupid, instead of complaining I should go out and try things, but what happened to the child version of me asking God for something to happen and it never happened, maybe today I would have more confidence, I don’t know.
I don’t think it is important to clarify exactly what religion I am, your advice or comment sharing your thoughts would help me a lot and I would really appreciate it. Have a nice day.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Hey, I can totally understand where you're coming from. It sucks to feel like you're putting in all this effort and not getting any results, especially when it feels like God isn't stepping in. It's tough, ya know? Maybe the problem ain't just about faith or a lack of divine plan. You tried different things to get closer to God and that takes guts. Perhaps mixing up your approach could help, maybe even checking out some secular self-help resources along with what you’re doing now. Change is hard for anyone, man, so don't beat yourself up too much if progress is slow...
omg yesss same thing happened to me wit procrastination, its so hard :(
Hey, I feel you. It's like you're doing your best to connect with something bigger than yourself, and yet it feels like you're stuck in the same place; kind of frustrating, huh? 🙁 I've been there too, feeling like I'm shouting into the void and getting nothing back. Sometimes it helps to take a break from all the expectations we put on ourselves about how things should be. Maybe try focusing a bit more on small victories rather than just the big picture stuff (not easy, but worth a shot). And hey, just because things haven't clicked yet doesn't mean they won't eventually... Life's pretty unpredictable at times!