How can I stop being an empath?
The story
Today, after school, I flipped someone off because they flipped my mother off while driving. I know that doesn’t sound like a huge deal but it was to me. Extremely. I’ll say it honestly, I’m a wimp. I’m as weenie as they come. Passive too. I would have never done it if it was directed at me but when it was at my mom it was just an instinct to protect her. So I did it back.
My main problem is I can’t stop feeling bad after I flipped the person off. I want to say sorry but if I do that then they’ll just laugh at my face. I want to know how to become more assertive and not feel guilty or bad about it. Not take shit from others and assert my stance without feeling like I’m being a burden. Does that make sense?
Please take this seriously and don’t dismiss my feelings because you see it as minor. It’s a big deal to me, and that’s what matters to me. If you find this childish or inconvenient then don’t respond, easy as that.
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Points of view
damn dude, i totally get where you're coming from. standing up for your mom like that is honestly kinda brave, even if it was just flipping someone off. ain't nothing wrong with feeling bad after; it's just part of being decent and having a conscience. maybe next time you could try expressing yourself in a different way that feels right to you, but don't beat yourself up over this one thing. what matters is you tried to have her back and that's respectable.
Thank you for responding seriously 😭 I was kinda worried people would just call me dramatic but I just needed actual answers so thank you! I’ll do that next time. Try to stand up to my mom in my own way because what I did made me feel not like myself
I meant to say stand up FOR my mom, sorry
haha, autocorrect strikes again! but hey, i get what you mean. just remember it's okay to feel out of character sometimes; it's part of figuring things out and being true to yourself. you'll find your way to stand up for her without feeling bad about it, i'm sure!
Standing up for your mom like that shows real guts, even if it feels small. You're right though, guilt can be tough to shake off when you're not used to confrontation. One tip I've found helpful is trying to channel that protectiveness into more positive assertiveness techniques, like staying calm but firm with words instead of gestures. It takes time and practice, especially if you're naturally non-confrontational. Give yourself some credit for stepping out of your comfort zone!
Thank you so much 🎉🎉 I’ll try that next time 😅 confrontation really sucks for me so I avoid it altogether but I can’t always hide from it
I totally get it: confrontation can be super daunting, especially when you've been avoiding it for a while. But you know what? Each small step matters, even tiny steps like planning how you might handle things next time. It's all practice in building up those assertiveness muscles bit by bit, right? Keep experimenting and see what feels comfortable. And don't worry if some attempts feel awkward or uncomfortable; that's just part of learning.
chill out dude! :)
Totally agree with this approach, sometimes we just need to relax.
Sorry, I don’t see this as helpful, but thank you for the reply!
you know, it's kinda interesting how our instincts kick in at times like these,,, i mean, flipping someone off when they insult your mom is basically a universal rule, right?? you’re not alone in this; lots of people get that immediate protective urge when it comes to family. honestly, reflecting on the situation might actually be great for you;;; it gives you a chance to think about what impression you want to make and how to shake off that guilt after standing up for yourself! maybe next time consider if there’s another way you'd feel comfortable responding without compromising being assertive. don't be too hard on yourself! you're working on building confidence which is admirable!!!
Hey, it's totally understandable to feel bad about it! 👍 You're obviously someone who cares about how your actions affect others. And honestly, defending your mom like that shows you're not actually a wimp at all. Have you thought about what specifically makes you feel guilty? Is it just the fear of being perceived differently? Maybe next time try thinking of different ways to stand up for yourself or others without feeling uncomfortable later. It just takes practice, and you'll get there!
really worth it?
guess it's not easy flipping the bird to someone, especially if you're naturally passive; that said, don't sweat it too much 'cause everyone has moments where they feel conflicted about their actions.
i totally understand why this situation feels significant to you. protecting a loved one can sometimes bring out emotions we're not used to handling, especially if you're naturally passive. i think it's admirable that you acted out of instinct because it shows your genuine love for your mom, even though the action itself wasn't planned; you realized something didn't sit right with you and stuck up for her. if assertiveness is what you're aiming for, have you considered practicing in low-stakes scenarios where the consequences feel less daunting? i've found those situations help build confidence over time without putting too much pressure on myself. what's held me back in those moments is often just fear of judgment, but learning how to voice one's stance respectfully and confidently comes from practice.