Feeling trapped, feel like I never belong there
The story
Hi I'm Aimee and I'm 13. I live in Singapore and I'm in a French school but the thing is I feel like I never belong there: Everyone of them is French or half French and I'm there left alone Chinese and Swiss feeling desperate every day. My hole life I felt like I was an outsider or even an underdog I never felt like I belong somewhere. Sometime my friends make jokes about where I came from and I know is just jokes but it make me feel really hurt sometime because I know that no matter how hard I try to be just like them I will never really belong anywhere and I can't even change school because there is no where else school where there speak French.
I sometime really feel trapped between different world and I belong in none of them. And that is not my only problems I also have family problems, injustice and all and sometime when I look at other families I can't help but feel jealous or sad or even angry that I couldn't have the same. And it's now that I realize how hate, anger, sadness all these negative feelings changes peoples and I can see how much I have changed too. I'm not longer that innocent, and happy child that I was and I think that many people have realized that and now I can too. My mental health is getting worse every day I don't think it will get any better soon. Now my only escape that has been keeping me from depression is my tv shows or movies.
I know it's not the best way and it also can make my mental health even worse but it really helped me escape the real world and be the light in so much darkness. But the worse part of it is that that only light that has been keeping me from depression is something that my parents don't know... I have been doing this for a while now and I really hate myself sometime for starting this because it's literally the best thing that I have right now and my parents don't know about it and they will be really mad at me but that's not what I'm afraid of the most: My series have really been my escape and my only escape if someone take it from me I am pretty sure that I'm going to fall in depression really badly and trust me really badly.
I just feel like I been living in a world where I don't really belong in it and my only escape is something that no one knows. I feel like I'm really fragile in this time and that i'm holding on to that one thing that can be taken from me anytime. I feel trapped and an outsider all the time and it really pains me.
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Points of view
Hey Aimee, it really sounds like you're going through a lot right now. Feeling like you don't belong can be so tough, especially when you're surrounded by people who seem different from you. I get how that would make everything feel way more overwhelming. It's great though that you've found some solace in TV shows and movies; they can really help take your mind off things for a bit! Have you ever thought about finding something at school or outside of it where you might meet others who have similar interests? It might help make things a bit easier to handle, even just having one person who gets you could be such a relief.
yo aimee, i'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it's like the world expects us to fit into these molds that we just don't. getting caught between different cultures and not really belonging is a struggle i think too many of us know. 😞 keeping stuff from your parents might make things more stressful though, maybe you can slowly open up talking about something you enjoy without the heavy stuff first? you've got to hold on to those little joys where you can find them, but yeah, staying cooped up in series and movies all alone ain't a long-term fix. stay strong!