im considering the nuclear option
The story
ok seriously i dont think i can survive tonight
i am scared to comeback home, i still remrmber my trauma from my dad its not going away, and he started shouting about how theres secrets being kept and i feel those secrets are keeping me alive and maybe free idk, im scared to come home now, i thibk killing myself is the only option, no ones saving me, im fucked, i dont deserve a family, im fucking everything up all the time, im lazy seriously
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Points of view
have you thought about reaching out to a trusted friend or counselor to talk it through?
thats kinda out of reach and the friend i trust most is lives all the way in nigeria
Yo, I get you're feeling trapped but suicide? Seriously not the answer. Sounds like your dad might be Projecting all his issues onto you; don't let his nonsense define who you are; just remember “This too shall pass.” You've got so much potential beyond the chaos at home. Try to find a safe space, maybe in your room or somewhere else, where you can breathe and think straight. From my experience, life threw some pretty intense shit at me too but things changed for the better when I least expected it: hang in there!
I totally hear your frustration and fear; it sounds like there's a lot weighing on you at home!!! 😔 It's not unusual to feel overwhelmed when you're dealing with family tensions and feeling isolated. Have you ever considered writing down your thoughts or recording a voice note to get some of that anxiety out? Sometimes putting feelings into words can be cathartic, even if it's just for yourself. I've been in tough spots too, and sometimes the smallest actions, like journaling, helped me see things from a new angle. You're stronger than you think, and there are brighter days ahead! 🌟
update no outburst since i came home, but im still suspicous something might happen another day