JOY = DANGER
The story
Does anyone remember this? https://iiwiars.com/spiritual-journey-stories/i-hate-this
Yeah, update now.
Can't you see those teachers can be petty?! I bet my shitty idiotic dance teacher only said that to mom because he felt pity. Fuck pity! I'm not as weak as you think, bastard cunt! And those kids may be tired, but the more they know me, the more comfortable they'll get conspiring I'm a horrible dancer and laugh in some competition, if I'll even get in one! I'll pretend to not give it my all, it's better than GARBAGE any day. He's lying to my face to sound like a nice guy and it's not working. He may say I did well for a beginner in an advanced tier, but I don't believe in beginner's luck or any good luck. My scheme will work. I'll just not try and he'll kick me out. I can do a half-ass job and call it a day, and then week, then a month, until he thinks I don't care and he suggests I leave. Good idea, since people are untrustworthy "species". He may say good, I smell "I'm saying this to drain money from your slut mother". Not so fast, liar cheat! You yourself said I'm allowed to not care! If I could burn the school, the music place, and my classmates, I would. And I'd salt the Earth away for extra measure and reside on Mars, if aliens do exist. But I can't. I just wish life was still and I was more free.
I went to the class and unfortunately put effort. I obviously wasn't matching the kids and they somehow didn't laugh, but it makes me more suspicious. More suspicious they weren't laughing because they thought I was bad and wanted to laugh, but didn't for respect. I told it to my brother earlier, and he said, "They won't! I see grown adults come in piano class and they can't even play Merry Had A Little Lamb, and I don't laugh because I know they'll get there!" You're 11, you haven't felt the worst feelings yet. Instead, that teacher was again nice to me and being a bit silly to his older students, and saying they were all like me when they started. What bullshit, they wanted to be here, I said yes because mom insisted, and she's a fugly rat for that! Very FUGLY! FUCKING UGLY!! She wanted to set me up for failure! She wants to see me become my worst self! I feel more clearer now, more than I ever did. The world is a planet of smog and salt, the people are monsters of Hell, me and the minority the survivors. I may feel a pull where if I do something I enjoy I feel kinder and sweeter, but that's the girl I hate being. I hate switching to that weak version of me, I want her to go away, shed off. She's weak and dumb. Do you not see the pissy world I live in? I have to fight for my life, until I die. You say yourself no one's good here. I don't feel weak like those witch doctors say "stress" does, I feel stronger, godly. Kindness and being nice, even feeling nice and regretting hurting others, it's my weakness from me. I need to improve that and not feel it. Nice people are a lie. No one is genuinely sweet, they're all doing it to seem nice, when really they haven't awakened their innermost selves, the true "disgusting" selves. I need to learn how to shed my outer fake self, the me I hate being who loves family, who likes science and history, who likes art, who likes cheesecake, it's a fake society-created shell. I wish I could talk to her to tell her to fuck off. I'm regressing, into my weakest form!
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Points of view
i totally get where you're coming from!!! it's so frustrating when people pretend to be nice just to put you down later. i remember having a teacher who always praised me, but it felt fake and condescending. do you think your mom pushed you into this class because she genuinely thought it'd be good for you??? or was there some other reason?? sometimes parents mean well but end up making things worse...
Frankly, your bitterness is palpable and, dare I say, misguided. You're projecting a lot of hostility onto those around you without any concrete evidence!
Your dance teacher's compliments might just be genuine encouragement ;-) it's not always about manipulation or ulterior motives... Reflect on this quote: "We see the world, not as it is, but as we are"... perhaps your negative outlook is coloring your perception of their actions? I remember joining a coding class my parents pushed me into; initially, it felt like they were setting me up for failure too, but eventually, it turned into an unexpected passion. Maybe give yourself—and them—a chance before dismissing everyone as malevolent?!
i totally understand the frustration you're feeling; it's tough when it feels like everyone around you is not genuine and has hidden motives. but sometimes, what we perceive isn't always the reality. have you considered that maybe your dance teacher sees potential in you? i mean, even if it feels disingenuous, there might be a sliver of truth in his praise. my little cousin once got into karate 'cause his mom insisted; he hated it at first too, but sticking with it surprisingly brought him newfound confidence and skills. maybe it's worth holding back on being too harsh on yourself and others while exploring these new experiences, y'know? life can feel overwhelming when everything seems against us... but perhaps opening up to possibilities could change things for the better 🤔
man, i get it—teachers can be real pieces of work sometimes; but not everyone is out to screw you over. 🤔 maybe your teacher just sees potential in you? it's wild out here thinking everyone's got some sneaky agenda though, isn't that exhausting? anyway, curious—what would you do if aliens actually came down and offered that trip to mars? 😁
Your passion and intensity are clear, but I wonder if there's maybe a different angle to consider. While it's easy to view the world through a cynical lens, sometimes people genuinely do want to help or inspire others out of kindness rather than deceit. :)