Colleague's honesty reveals we're are not as close
The story
We worked at a warehouse that we have to sort out boxes and packaged mail. I've(M24) been working there for about a year and I was given the "Employee of the Month" placard three weeks ago. I wouldn't say I'm the best at my job, just following instructions and make sure everybody gets their stuff organized, so the delivery vans can picked them up.
I had a co-worker (M30) that I was very fond and I say we make great friends while we're on break. We chat about what on the news together, we share webcomics, talked about online drama on YouTube, almost everything as if we completely knew from childhood. He's been in the workplace for much longer than I have and I say he has 4 years of experience on his behalf. I also heard that he never given a high position, nor an employee of the month - making things very strange! About his personality, he was very known to be to relaxed, optimistic, straightforward and very well-informed on certain topics that he likes. The only flaw I could think of that is he gets too chatty and rambles on without letting others speaks -- overtaking the lead when it supposed to be two people talking. Even though he wasn't doing it on purpose, it can be frustrating at times. Nonetheless, we have confiding with each ever through good and bad.
But all of that changes yesterday, a hectic Tuesday that is. An inspection day with association of Staples higher-ups. This was during break, due to late trailers. Because of that, we have to wait almost 2 hours for the trucks to come, making it tedious. I was already exhausted, dealing with a heavy flow but this takes the cake. (Damn second manager says I've have been "not taking care" of the back as the boxes are piling on the rails. Well, NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! I'm trying to manage the sort codes left and right while the quantity of these cardboard and wrapped shit keeps popping up fast.) Sorry for the rant, but here's the important stuff.
While we're talking about a murder case (that woman killed her three kids and got some supporters blaming her husband for the cause), he was making some pauses before trying to get some details of what he's speaking about. I was miffed as I really want to know the rest of the story, so I told him to be out with it. By the second time I told him to go on with it -- that's when everything got from zero to a hundred. We didn't have a screaming match or some other fight like that: but it was a tipping point that my annoyance pushed him to be straight up fatalistic. He started things off with: "I'm going to be a little mean but honest with you, because I've been seeing issues with you." He goes on how my behavior is very standoffish, especially when talking.
To exemplify, he brought up a previous conversation that we had a week or two ago - I was a little too enthusiastic while sharing, which attracted (Only he noticed, not me) a few glares from some part-time hires. The topic was the pointlessness of the gender wars, which I was ready to voice out my opinions on it. My coworker also brought up the day when we're still getting to know each other - he noted that I told him to "shut up" whenever he goes rambling as usual during work. Only when I wasn't being irritated by the heavy conveyor belt flow and floaty crap, he wanted to approach me.
When hearing this, I was a little hurt by those statements. Saying that I didn't tear up would be a massive lie. To be fair, the lines had me overwhelmed as I had to deal with heavy irregs and being moved from on place to another. I allowed my stress get the better of me. And another thing, I did apologize that past time as I was annoyed with the online drama which I really liked to give out my input on it in-person. I admit that I can be abrupt and impatient sometimes, but the way he phrased it sounded like I'm some pompous rich kid who wants things to be easier for him. I am a reserved and sensitive type of guy; with low-esteem issues. The idea of a man strutting with a big ego on his shoulders, overtaking conversations doesn't describe me at all. Looking back at my childhood, I never got a chance to speak what I want to say - only stuck to listening most of my life. I do have some moments that I jump into discussions out of turn, because I want to be part of a group -- to share my takes like everyone else who don't want to be sidelined as an afterthought.
The worst part was not him laying the issues of my behavior to him or my lack of awareness when speaking. It was him saying my tone telling him to finish what he had to say after pausing a few times was "condescending." That word hit me like a brick. Even when he says he doesn't think that I'm a bad person as we did open up a little at the beginning - it showed me something else: that I was a nuisance who happens to control himself a little while. Had me thinking I was the only one who thought we were cool with each other. I honestly can't look at him the same.
After when break was over, he and I went back with the others, trying to pretend that nothing happened. But even after work was over; even when I'm at home; his words still ache inside.
Am I really full of myself?
Stories in the same category
Points of view
man, that's rough. having someone you think is cool with you drop that kinda truth bomb sucks big time!!! seems like he means well but maybe coulda handled it better. it's wild how people perceive us so differently than we think sometimes. maybe give yourself some space to process it and see if y'all can talk it out again later when things calm down? no harm in learning from this and trying to improve communication on both ends!
I've been reflecting a lot after that. Mostly, hanging around with other folks (family friends). I just don't wanna feel hurt again or make any miscommunication, because of my lack of self-awareness.
i totally get not wanting to feel hurt again. one time, i had a friend point out something about the way i talk and it nagged at me for a while too. gave myself some space and realized i picked up on things that helped later! chatting with family friends sounds like a good way to ease through it for sure. hang in there!
sounds like a tough situation, dude. sometimes people see things in us that we're not aware of at all. i had a similar experience with a friend who pointed out my tendency to interrupt and, yeah, it stung. but once i got past the initial hit to my pride, it made me more mindful of how i interact with others; maybe he's trying to help you grow as well? it's easy to get defensive when someone criticizes us but if you take what he said into consideration, it might strengthen your friendship down the line.
dude, this whole situation sounds pretty intense. i've had moments at work where i felt blindsided by feedback, and man, it feels like a punch to the gut when you're not expecting it. your buddy's honesty might've been tough to hear, but maybe there's a silver lining there? think of it as a chance to reflect on how you come across during high-pressure times like inspections or when trucks are delayed. sometimes stress can make us act in ways we wouldn't normally choose. and about him calling your tone condescending... it's tough because it's subjective. it's possible he misinterpreted your frustration as being aimed at him rather than the situation itself. might help down the line to let him know where you were coming from! like we all mess up sometimes under pressure 😓
I've been in the warehouse for over a year, so I was planning to find a job that's less stressful. If anything, I wish to be more sensitive to what others are going through at best.
dude, i totally get wanting a less stressful gig. i once worked at this coffee place where the manager was always breathing down our necks during rush hour. it took a toll on me, and i definitely wasn't my best self. finding a job that aligns better with your vibe can make such a difference! hope you find something that fits better soon.
I can see how it might feel unjust that your friend has yet to receive recognition like 'Employee of the Month'. However, workplace dynamics aren't always about duration or specific talents. Your coworker seems like a great person and it's possible his chatty nature sometimes affects how his work is perceived. It's tough to hear feedback from a friend, but maybe there's room for reflection on both sides.
Good point! Maybe qualities aren't valued equally everywhere?
Man, that's a lot to take in. I kinda feel like your coworker could've been more diplomatic, ya know? But maybe there's another side to it: were there hints that he was feeling this way earlier? It seems harsh that he called you out like that, especially when you thought things were good between the two of you. Maybe he’s just not used to opening up about his feelings until it all boils over. Still, it’s good you're reflecting on it and trying to understand where he's coming from. Could be worth having another chat when things cool down?
I'm not sure what to think here. It sounds like both you and your friend have strong personalities, maybe some communication styles just clash naturally? Relationships at work are always tricky.
feels like a real gut punch when someone you trust gives that kind of feedback, doesn't it? 🥴
sounds like that was a brutal hit outta nowhere, especially from someone you thought had your back. i get that he's trying to be "mean but honest," but dude picked the worst time for it with everything else piling up on you. maybe he's projecting his own issues about not being recognized or something? sometimes people try to fix others when they can't face their own stuff. honestly, people who drop bombs like that sometimes need to look in the mirror too. always room for growth though, take this as a weird opportunity to reflect and maybe you'll use it better next time!
dude, that's a tough pill to swallow. sounds like you were blindsided by his feedback; it's rough when someone you vibe with suddenly flips the script on how you're coming across to them -- makes you question everything! i've been in similar shoes before, getting called out and feeling like it's the end of the world. communication can be brutal, but maybe this could be a wake-up call for both of you; sometimes these moments help us learn about ourselves more than anything else. take it easy on yourself though -- nobody's perfect!
Thanks, dude. After all that, I have been thinking on what should I do on how to avoid such incidents. Guess communication is more complicated as it seems or it's just me in my own feelings.
it's definitely not just you, communication really can be that tricky. sometimes the best move is giving yourself some time to process everything before figuring out your next steps. maybe ask for clarification if you're unsure, but yeah, don't rush it! we all mess up sometimes.
Sounds like your coworker dropped a bomb on you for sure, but maybe there's something useful in the rubble. You can't really control how he sees you, but focusing on what you can change (like being more aware of how you come off) might help clear up misunderstandings. As much as it stings, consider it feedback; real talk can hurt but also lead to growth. Dust yourself off and maybe try addressing it with him again when things aren't so heated ✌️
Oof, that sounds like a messy day overall! 😬 I get why you're feeling hurt by what he said; nobody likes being told they're coming off as something they're not. But maybe there's a silver lining here? Sometimes getting an outside perspective can be eye-opening and help us see things in a way we hadn't before. It's tough when someone holds up a mirror like that, but it might be worth considering if there are small tweaks you can make to avoid these misunderstandings in the future. Taking a step back to reflect could lead to some personal growth, even though it feels pretty raw right now. Hope it all settles down soon!
feeling blindsided by such feedback is some heavy stuff, especially when it comes from someone you thought had your back...
dude, that's a brutal day at work!!! sounds like a mess with the inspection and all, but then to get blindsided by your friend's critique? yeesh. maybe he was sitting on that feedback for too long before letting it rip. not gonna lie though, sometimes friends see stuff we don't notice in ourselves... they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? take it as an opportunity (as brutal as it feels) to check how you've been communicating under stress. could be an eye-opener even if it's annoying as hell right now!!! 🤔
yikes, dude. balancing workplace friendships with professional feedback can be a tricky game. one thing that stood out to me is how you mentioned not feeling heard growing up. that's rough and could maybe play into why you're super eager to speak your piece now. i think everyone wants validation and to be a part of the conversation... totally human! sometimes, though, focusing on active listening shows you're tuned in and caring, which is something people really appreciate at work or anywhere tbh. might be an opportunity for you both to learn about each other’s boundaries and communication quirks in this whole situation too? it can be tough territory but sometimes these bumps help better navigate future conversations without stepping on toes, man!
Tough to the T, I might say. Workplace relationships are very strange. Here and I thought YouTube comment wars are hellish, saying due to experience. Also thanks for reading
This sorta reminds me of a time with my coworker, Mark. He told me I interrupted him too much in meetings and it hurt at first. But then I thought about it and realized he was kinda right. We're still good friends though.
Oh wow, I totally relate! My colleague once pointed out something similar about my tone: I tend to come off as condescending without realizing it. It's eye-opening when someone points this stuff out even if it stings.
man, it's hard to figure out what the hell happened there. feels like you got sucker-punched by someone who was supposed to be on your team. i get it that he might've been trying to help in his own twisted way, but damn... choosing a moment when you're already drowning in work stress? seriously, great timing, dude! maybe he's just tired of not getting his due and took it out on you instead. yeah sure, reflection and all is nice, but sometimes people need to watch their own baggage before unloading on others. you'll bounce back from this though; don't let his bombshell define how you see yourself or the vibe at work!
hmmm interesting take maybe it's just office politics playing into things. sometimes people in workplaces get pegged certain ways untintentionally like they don't choose how they're seen yknow? i'll bet your contributions matter a lot anyhow just human misunderstanding.
it's really hard balancing friendships at work with personal feelings especially where you can't completely express frustration straight up. gotta manage perceptions yet be true to oneself: it’s not straightforward sometimes everyone's got their own battles internally going on right?
dang, what a rough day! sounds like you got hit by the double whammy with work stress and unexpected feedback from your friend. sometimes, it feels like no good deed goes unpunished, right? it's tough when someone you thought was tight with you suddenly drops criticism out of nowhere, especially on an already crappy day. but maybe this is one of those moments where both of you can clear the air and reset? i mean, figuring out how to handle these convos might even strengthen your friendship in the long run. hope things get better soon!
huh thats harsh but true