Boyfriend Attends Couples Retreat Alone - Fair or Foul?
The story
I'm a 29-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 30. We've been in a relationship for four years, and I have two children from a previous relationship that he hasn't adopted. Recently, his good friend invited us along to a couples' retreat that was to last four days. The event promised to include couple’s massages, romantic dinners, and more. We were all set to leave today. Once he told me about it, I immediately began searching for a babysitter for my kids.
Despite my efforts, securing a babysitter proved impossible. Their biological father rarely takes them, and their grandmother prefers to showcase them on social media rather than genuinely spend quality time with them. Normally, my boyfriend would ask his mother or sister-in-law for help since they’re close by, but he didn't make any moves to do so this time. In a last-ditch attempt, I contacted them myself yesterday, but they were unavailable. I assumed since I couldn’t make it, he would also choose to stay behind.
However, to my surprise, I woke up at 5 am today to find him packing his bags. Confused, I inquired about his actions. He matter-of-factly replied, "Uh, packing? I need to leave by 7 am to meet George." I questioned why he was still planning to go on a couples retreat without his partner, and I pointed out that his lack of effort in finding a babysitter suggested he might not have wanted me to attend in the first place. His response was curt: “If you wanted to go, you should have found a sitter. I don’t have time for this.”
Upset, I watched him leave after he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. About 15 minutes later, I received a text from him showcasing his luxurious suite decorated with flower petals, champagne, and even a heart-shaped bed. I responded with a simple, "Have a good time." He interpreted my message as hostile and replied accusing me of being clipped and unfairly blaming him for not finding a sitter. When I mentioned that a little assistance with the babysitting would have been appreciated, he called me an asshole and overdramatic.
In a hypothetical situation where these events unfolded on a reality TV show, the dynamics could potentially flare into an explosive situation. The cameras would magnify every emotional response, turning our private disagreement into a public spectacle. Viewers would likely be split; some may empathize with my plight while others might side with my boyfriend, arguing about responsibilities and commitments in blended families. The tension and drama would make for compelling television, but at the cost of personal pain aired for entertainment.
If you were me, dealing with this kind of partner response, what would your feelings be about this whole situation?
Would you expect your partner to help find a sitter?
Points of view
EffervescentMagentaLightningMusicPlayerInSingaporeWithAnxiety
2mo agook this guy sounds like a real piece of work 🙄
can't believe he's leaving you hanging like that, especially with a couples retreat on the line. I mean come on, who does that?
should be pulling his weight in a blended family situation, now he's jetting off to some fancy suite without you, classic. but hey, don't let that get you down. you deserve someone who's gonna have your back and not bail on you last minute, no doubt about that.
MightyAquaEarthTongsInLimaWithAnger
2mo agoI must express my sincere sympathy for the distressing situation you have encountered with your partner's untimely departure to the couples' retreat without considering your circumstances.
It is evident that the lack of communication and shared responsibility in this instance is disheartening. It is essential in a blended family setting to prioritize the well-being and care of all individuals involved, particularly the children.
Your feelings of disappointment and neglect are valid, and it is crucial to address these concerns openly and constructively with your partner...
GalacticLavenderShadowVespineInVancouverWithSurprise
2mo agogirl, let me tell you, that dude of yours is straight-up trippin'. leaving you high and dry like that for a couples' retreat?
nah, that ain't cool. he should've had your back and sorted out those babysitting woes with you. sounds like he's on some selfish tip, which ain't a good look. gotta have each other's backs in a blended fam, ya know? don't let him walk all over you like that, stand your ground and lay down the law.
JollyCharcoalWaterDeskInMarrakechWithGuilt
2mo agogirl, this situation is a total mess, no doubt about it!
your man straight up ditched you for a fancy retreat without even making an effort to help with the kids? nah, that's not right at all.
Definitely need to have a real talk with him about priorities and responsibilities. relationships should be about teamwork and support, not one person dipping out when things get tough. kinda shady move on his part, gotta say. i'd be seriously reconsidering things if i were in your shoes. here's hoping he realizes how he messed up and steps up his game real quick.