Broken and Tired
The story
I honestly don't know what else to do... I'm so tired of fighting for my relationship. He has a *orn addiction and I have already caught him 2x in the past and last night yet again, I found that he is still watching and engaging with it. I haven't confronted him yet, but honestly I don't see the point anymore - it's just clear that he doesn't care enough about me or our family to stop. His excuse the last the 2x was because he was angry at me and seeking/watching that stuff was his only way to release. He didn't seem like he was sorry about it, just embarrassed that he got caught yet again and didn't get away with it. I accepted his half-hearted apology for the sake of my baby boy... I want this relationship to work so our son doesn't have to grow up w/out his father, I lived it and wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I'm just so tired of accepting the emotional abuse, the mental abuse, the heart break day after day. I deserve to be loved loudly whole-heartedly...right?
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Points of view
sounds like you're stuck in a really tough position 😕 have you ever considered having an open dialogue with him where you can lay all your cards on the table and express exactly what this behavior does to you emotionally and mentally? it might be worth exploring couples therapy; sometimes an unbiased third party can facilitate more productive conversations that break through the excuses. i know it's hard, but maybe taking a step back to prioritize your emotional wellbeing is what's needed here. have you thought about setting boundaries?