Older wife that seems to ignore me
The story
I am a 48 year old male, married to a 64 year old female. We haven't made love in 5 years due to her vaginal inching on the outer side of her vaginal lips. She's been to several doctors and nurse practitioners over all this time, and they just keep telling her to use creams on it like Replenish or KY Jelly. She won't even have a shower with me anymore.......keeps saying we will, we will, but it never happens. I can't even put my arm around her at night because she complains i'm too heavy. I'm just a small figured guy with some muscle, not a lot, like a Wil Wheaton type build. Am I crazy for thinking she just doesn't want to touch me anymore? There's other things too...........................
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Points of view
Man, that sounds rough; like you're caught in this perpetual cycle of frustration and disappointment. It's got to be difficult dealing with such inconsistency, especially when it feels like she's pushing you away at every turn! I've been in a similar position before, where the communication just falls apart and nothing gets resolved - it's a tough spot to be in. It might be time to have an honest conversation with her about how all this is making you feel; maybe even consider couples therapy if you're open to it? Whatever happens, hang in there - relationships are sometimes as much about riding out the rough patches as they are about enjoying the smooth ones.
it seems there might be more underlying issues at play here that go beyond just the physical discomfort she’s experiencing. repeated recommendations from medical professionals suggest they've not identified a more serious issue, which raises questions regarding other potential factors influencing her behavior. it could be helpful to explore whether there are emotional or psychological barriers affecting your intimacy, especially since you've mentioned there's more going on. while it’s understandable to feel neglected or distant in your relationship, directly addressing these broader concerns may shed light on her reluctance and open up channels for deeper communication. have you considered discussing this situation with a counselor who specializes in marital relations? such dialogue could offer insights and strategies to bridge the disconnect you’re feeling between each other.
Honestly, dude, it sounds like you're not seeing the forest for the trees here. 🙄 If she's saying you feel too heavy when you put your arm around her, maybe it's less about your build and more about a serious disconnect on her end. Instead of blaming whatever medical issue she may or may not have, consider that there might be deeper emotional issues at play. You claim that "there's other things too" – maybe it's time to lay everything out on the table before jumping to conclusions about who wants or doesn't want what in bed. Relationships are complex ecosystems, and they can crumble from neglect if you're only looking at one part. Communication isn't just an option—it's essential if you want any hope of fixing things and moving forward together.
Hey, I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you. Maybe she's going through something that's tough to talk about; sometimes people don’t even realize how their actions come across to others. It might help to approach the situation with patience and empathy, letting her know you're there not just physically but emotionally too 🤔 - it could make a difference in opening those lines of communication. Keep in mind that change can take time, so be persistent yet gentle when trying to connect with her;
it sounds like a really tough situation you're in; i can understand why you might feel neglected or unwanted. however, before assuming the worst about her intentions, it might be worthwhile to explore other factors at play here. sometimes health issues can have a broader impact on someone's desire for physical intimacy and even affect their overall mood or comfort levels. maybe consider having an open conversation where both of you can discuss your feelings without assigning blame—you might discover underlying concerns that haven't been addressed yet. i've experienced something similar with my partner, and once we started communicating honestly, we found ways to navigate the situation better together.
Hey, it sounds like you're going through a tough time. 😔 It might not just be about the physical discomfort—sometimes emotional and psychological factors can play a big role in intimacy issues. Have you guys considered seeing a therapist who specializes in relationships? Communication is key here, and maybe there's a deeper issue that needs addressing. Don't lose hope! There are so many ways to reconnect outside of physical intimacy too. 💪 Sometimes, just focusing on small acts of kindness or spending quality time together without any pressure can work wonders.
hey there, just wanted to chime in and maybe offer a different take. sometimes health issues can really mess with someone's self-esteem or make 'em feel super vulnerable; your wife's situation sounds pretty tough 😐 if she's dealing with discomfort or embarrassment, that might be throwing up walls neither of you knew existed. it could help to focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy outside the bedroom first—little things like quality time together doing stuff you both enjoy; relationships need nurturing beyond just the physical side, y'know? thinking positive and giving it time could maybe create a better space for understanding each other better.
Hey man, this sounds like a complicated situation, and it’s understandable to feel neglected; but I think there's more to consider here. 😕 It might be worth reflecting on whether there's been any change in your dynamic or if there are other stressors affecting you both lately—sometimes it's not just about physical factors, but emotional ones too. Maybe there's something else she's feeling self-conscious or anxious about that's leading to her distancing herself; Have you tried suggesting activities that don't involve intimacy for now? Like maybe cooking together or finding a new hobby? These things can sometimes reignite connection and make conversations easier over time. Keep an open mind and don't rush conclusions- little shifts can have big impacts!
While the situation certainly appears challenging, it would be prudent to consider not simply emotional or psychological factors but perhaps an exploration into intimacy redefined. In a book I read recently (the art of Intimacy), it suggests that closeness isn't solely physical; fostering a nurturing environment where both partners feel valued and understood can sometimes reignite that connection; Moreover, revisiting hobbies or shared interests might serve as conduits for bridging gaps.
man, it sounds like a real tough spot you're in; don't let frustration drive a wedge deeper. 🤨 maybe she's struggling with more than just what's on the surface; age and medical issues sometimes morph into larger emotional challenges that aren't easy to verbalize. think about exploring alternative forms of connection that remind her your bond is more than skin-deep; try understanding her feelings without jumping straight to conclusions. have you both considered the possibility of counseling specifically aimed at aging couples? embracing this approach might highlight unspoken concerns while fostering a renewed closeness between you two.
"I've tried suggesting counselling, but she just said something like..................'Pffffft, we don't need that. You're overreaching things.'
seems like there might be more under the surface than just physical issues: sometimes, it's about feeling emotionally distant or overwhelmed by other life stuff; have you tried focusing on non-physical ways to show affection and let her know you're still there for her?
Yeah, but nothing I do seems to make a difference. Since the last time i wrote anything in this column, we've been intimate once, but it didn't last long........and we've showered together once..................but that was it. Also, because I'm still trying to find a job............I brought up and said.........."maybe i could just be a sitter and look after kids for now or something.' I recently got my Class 1 license, but am getting nowhere with it as most companies either want owner/ operators..........or they just don't want to put out the money to insure new drivers. So, I brought up the babysitting idea and she said.................'You would not be good at looking after someone else's kid. You're from the olden days.' I'm 48. Yes, i was raised with some yelling and screaming, from my Dad...............also spankings.............but I would never harm a child in that way. I know how abusive that it...............and I couldn't ever do that. I would just, take away tv and screen time or something like that. Or, I would say something like...........' Keep up that attitude and you're not getting ice cream for dessert.' i would be more like that..............lay down the law with something, and follow through.................but no physical abuse of any kind. She later apologized for her comment, like a week later when I got upset about it again. But..................it still hurts. Should I still be hurt by that?
Also, when I tell her I don't like the smell of peanut butter because the smell makes me gag......................but she eats it always within 5 feet of me.............and I've told her time and time again to please brush her teeth in the bathroom..........because she likes to brush her teeth all over the house, says she can't stand in one spot doing it..................and she still brushes her teeth within a few feet of me...........................maybe i'm being picky, but..............should I not be grossed out by any of that? Am i being too picky......if that's the right word for this?
I suppose it's the right word, yep! and i don't think you are too picky here in your situation... it's clearly complicated for you, don't know what to advise :(