the circle of control

sometimes i feel like i'm caught in this never-ending cycle where i'm always trying to keep my head above water, and it's getting harder each day. my partner's been needing so much support lately, emotionally and mentally (you'd think i'd signed up for a full time job here) but it's starting to feel like a ton of bricks weighing me down. don't get me wrong, i'm all about being there for your loved ones when they're going through stuff, but it seems like every couple hours there's a new issue popping up that's completely out of my control... like what am i supposed to do when they need guidance on things that are beyond my grasp? i mean isn't there this whole concept of staying within your circle of control? i'm never sure if i'm doing enough or if maybe by doing too much i'm just making it worse.

what gets me is now they're starting to expect me to take on tasks that make me uncomfortable, straight up expecting it without even asking how I feel about it. just the other day they casually mentioned that they'd be relying on me more for organizing their work schedule because 'i seem better at it.' man, i'm not even good at managing my own time sometimes! it's kind of ironic since i've got issues with keeping track of everything myself... but then again, guilt trips are real huh? they don't say it directly but you can kinda feel the disappointment in the air when you set boundaries or try saying no. you gotta wonder whether this deep-seated fear i've got of letting people down is ever gonna change. maybe i should start referring them to some self-help books or whatever because at the end of the day i'll only lose myself trying to fix things outside that invisible circle everyone talks about. 💔

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