So this starts with my ex boyfriend. We were on our first date and it was going well, at least what I think is well because it seems that all my relationships end in disaster (he cheated on me later on), and he offers to take me to his place and watch a movie. Yes, I know what you're thinking. "OP never go with a guy on the first date back to his house!" yeah. I was an idiot. I mean what can I say? He was gorgeous, and at the time, totally my type. We get there and I meet his adorable dog, who turns out wasn't even his dog! We go upstairs and oh my god was this man's bedroom horrible. No bed frame, no decor, honestly that should've been my first red flag. But I was a stupid college freshman who wanted attention from someone who looked like a model.

This is where things get complicated...

We start making out and well, you can assume what that led to. Which at the time, losing my V-card to someone like that was beyond my dreams. But...now I don't really know if I wanted it. I mean, sure I was attracted to him but I never intended on doing anything past maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek that day. I'm also pretty sure he never asked what I wanted, if I was clean (which I was and am), or if I use contraception. Looking back on it, I don't think I would've agreed to it. I always found it to be gross, honestly. I definitely do now, just the idea freaks me out.

I don't really know what to feel about this, or how to talk about it because technically, at least from what I know, it isn't assault.

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