I don't know how to feel
The story
So this starts with my ex boyfriend. We were on our first date and it was going well, at least what I think is well because it seems that all my relationships end in disaster (he cheated on me later on), and he offers to take me to his place and watch a movie. Yes, I know what you're thinking. "OP never go with a guy on the first date back to his house!" yeah. I was an idiot. I mean what can I say? He was gorgeous, and at the time, totally my type. We get there and I meet his adorable dog, who turns out wasn't even his dog! We go upstairs and oh my god was this man's bedroom horrible. No bed frame, no decor, honestly that should've been my first red flag. But I was a stupid college freshman who wanted attention from someone who looked like a model.
This is where things get complicated...
We start making out and well, you can assume what that led to. Which at the time, losing my V-card to someone like that was beyond my dreams. But...now I don't really know if I wanted it. I mean, sure I was attracted to him but I never intended on doing anything past maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek that day. I'm also pretty sure he never asked what I wanted, if I was clean (which I was and am), or if I use contraception. Looking back on it, I don't think I would've agreed to it. I always found it to be gross, honestly. I definitely do now, just the idea freaks me out.
I don't really know what to feel about this, or how to talk about it because technically, at least from what I know, it isn't assault.
Stories in the same category
Points of view
Man, isn't it wild how we sometimes overlook gigantic red flags just because someone checks a superficial box like being good-looking?
such is human nature I guess. definitely learned a lot from this experience
For sure, those experiences can really stick with you. Important thing is, you're learning and growing from it all. You'll be sharper next time!
sounds like a tough situation you've been through. it's okay to have mixed feelings about it now. people grow and realize what they're truly comfortable with only over time. talking about these things can be really confusing, but your feelings are valid and deserve space too. life's all about learning from these moments, you know?
definitely a big learning experience but I know better now
It's crazy how many of us have similar stories. Meeting someone who seems perfect at first can definitely blind you to all those little red flags, like bad room decor haha! But it's important to remember that what's most important is how you feel about it now. 🤔 If you're confused or looking back with regret, maybe it's worth talking to somebody about what happened. You deserve clarity and support in processing your feelings.
Ugh, I get it. We all have those moments where hindsight screams at us about the obvious red flags we missed. Like, no bed frame and pretending that's his dog? 🚩 Man, people can be so deceptive. It's wild how attraction can cloud judgment sometimes, right? But here's the real kicker: did he ever bring up any kind of consent conversation or was it just assumed everything was cool because you didn't explicitly say no? That's shady behavior in my book. Also, can we talk about how guys like that never seem to worry about basic decency like contraception? Just gross and irresponsible...
Yeah that's unfortunately exactly the case. Thankfully he never tried to not use a condom and was clean, which thankfully was something I did get to ask later on.
Oh man, that reminds me of this guy I dated once who didn't even own a mattress. Just had a yoga mat on the floor and thought it was totally fine. Some people just have no clue about basic respect or common sense.
It sounds like you're grappling with complex emotions about that experience, and it's completely valid to feel uncertain or conflicted. Sometimes these scenarios expose the pressures and expectations we place on ourselves in new relationships, especially as college students navigating personal boundaries. It's worth remembering that consent is an ongoing dialogue before, during, and even after any encounter. Your feelings now might reflect a better understanding of your own comfort zone and priorities, which signals growth. Consider talking it over with someone you trust or a professional who can provide guidance tailored to your experience.
yeah I'm bringing it up to my therapist the next time I see them!
That's a great step. Having someone professional to talk things through helps a lot, even if you're unsure about what exactly happened or how you feel. Sometimes just saying it out loud to someone can start making it clearer in your own mind that things are complicated. I hope they give you some clarity and support as you work through this.
wow dude r u sure he was the only one who cheated? seems kinda you jumped in too fast with him idk
I see your point but it's not always easy to know at the time.
how would I have cheated...? I don't get your point. I never talked to anyone romantically or sexually while we were together but he had several dating profiles and literally admitted to it when I found out.
i was just saying it felt like you were both moving fast. my bad if it came off wrong. i get how messed up his actions were!!!
Sounds like you got caught up in the moment, and it's easy to second-guess yourself later, but we all make weird decisions sometimes just because someone seems attractive...
wow, this hits close to home. i totally get how you were drawn in by the whole model-like vibe and the puppy distraction. it's super easy to overlook red flags when someone's just your type and you're young. my first "what was i thinking?" moment happened when i ignored all those glaring signs just 'cause the guy had great hair lol. as for feelings afterwards, it's tough figuring out if something is right or wrong in hindsight. it’s okay to have mixed emotions about it and wanna talk things through more, especially if stuff feels unsettled✨
Man, I feel you. It's easy to look back and beat ourselves up over stuff like that. We've all been there, making mistakes without realizing until way later. But hey, it’s not really your fault for getting caught up in the moment with a guy who looked like a model (who wouldn't?), especially when you're just starting out in college. It's messed up how some people don't even bother to ask if you're on board with everything or even if there's any protection involved...like, come on!?! Anyway, I'd say trust your gut next time 'cause it's usually right. Just keep looking forward and learn from this crazy experience. You got this! 😊
Wow, that's a lot to unpack. First off, don't be too hard on yourself for going back to his place. We all make decisions in the heat of the moment, especially when we're young and someone seems like they could be "the one." And you know what? The fact that it was your first time adds another layer of complexity; it's okay to feel conflicted about it now. It totally makes sense to re-evaluate those feelings as you grow and learn more about yourself and relationships! Also, it's not uncommon to look back with regret or confusion...that's part of how we learn from our experiences. Just remember that every experience, even if it's uncomfortable looking back, contributes to who you are today and helps guide you in making better decisions in the future 😊 Stay strong!
it's super common to look back on situations like these with a mix of regret and realization, especially when you're still figuring things out as a freshman. reminds me of my own awkward encounters during college, where i ignored obvious signs just because someone seemed perfect at first glance. have you thought about what your boundaries might be nowadays or how you'd handle a similar situation? it's interesting how experiences shape our perspectives and help us prioritize consent and personal comfort over superficial traits. oh, and that bedroom scene...it paints way too familiar an image in my mind 😂
Hey, it sounds like you're feeling pretty conflicted about this and that's completely valid. Sometimes we look back at past experiences with more clarity than we had in the moment, especially in college when everything's so new and intense. You're right that it's not always easy to label these situations, but your feelings are crucial to acknowledge; it's okay if things felt off or went faster than you wanted. I've been there too, thinking something was fine then realizing I wasn't comfortable after all. It's good you're planning to talk it out with your therapist because getting those emotions sorted can really help bring some closure.
I had a similar experience with my first boyfriend!
it's like, sometimes you're left questioning whether you really wanted things to happen the way they did or if you were just swept up in the moment because everything felt so intense and new.
Honestly, it sounds like a rough thing to go through, and I can totally see why you're feeling conflicted about it now. It's crazy how the "firsts" in our life sometimes don't live up to what we hoped or imagined they'd be; but maybe what's key here is how this experience has made you think hard about your personal boundaries and what you're truly comfortable with? That's pretty powerful! I've learned that those gut feelings we have after something happens aren't just random…they're telling us something important. You're definitely not alone in unraveling these mixed-up emotions, and it's great that you're planning to dig deeper into them with your therapist.
idk, sometimes we just get caught up in the moment. maybe there's some learning here? not sure though.
it's wild how we often dive into situations with our eyes half-open, lulled by charm and looks, only to later piece together the picture of what really happened.
Do you think that maybe society puts too much pressure on relationships and that's why you're feeling confused about what happened? It's tough to navigate expectations versus your personal feelings and experiences.